Friday, July 2, 2010

Letting Go

 "I didn't sleep at all last night...tossing and turning.  I turn on the light and then while it's burning..." Bobby Lewis, 1962

Good morning, everyone.  Seems like lately, all these old lyrics are popping up in my head. Wonder what it means.  Well, last night I had a pretty rough night of it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sleep for any length of time.  I'd doze anywhere from a few minutes to 30 minutes and then be awake again, tossing and turning.  And it all seemed to be stemming from my dreams...all having to do with my job...and the central figure in each dream was my supervisor.  Gosh, even on vacation, I can't seem to let it go.

Letting go. Letting go is one of the hardest lessons we have to learn, and in life, we will have to let go of situations, persons, things, and memories. It is so easy to form an attachment to people or things and can be a very painful experience when you realize it is time to let go. And, I have been fighting it...however, there comes the time when you or the other person has changed to the extent that it is necessary to let go of the relationship or the friendship. When I thought about it this morning,  I realized that that's what the dreams were trying to tell me...that it is time to let go...not so much of the job...but of relationships that are no longer friendships...that, indeed, have gone from that of co-worker to superviser...relationships that can return to what they once matter how much I may try to hang on and not let go. 

It was about seven years ago when I began working with Jane (name is changed).  At that time, we were both counselors working side by side, and we fast became friends; we had such a great time together. On our lunch hours, we would play computer games to see who would get the highest score, go shopping, or just go sit in the park and talk about nothing specific. For me, this was especially meaningful for I am quite the loner...and ironically, so is she.  I enjoy being with myself, and it takes a lot for me to open up and allow others into my life. I've always been a loner and sadly, have had few friends in my life.  I've had many acquaintances, but that's not the same as have a true friend. I guess I have just been hurt too many times by people I trusted and allowed in. We needed each other at this time in our lives.

Moving forward...I left that job and began working where I am now.  Jane continued working at the old job and went back to school for her social work degree.  We drifted apart.  Oh, we kept in contact on occasion, but not enough to keep a friendship going.  Then, three years later, I learn that she obtained her degree and would be coming to work with my supervisor.  

I don't know what made me think that things would immediately go back to the way they once were; that is so unrealistic.  After all, not only have several years passed, but so has our situations.  As human beings, we remain as equals; as workers, our titles have changed.  She is the boss, and I am the employee. and as the boss, she will continue to give me paperwork back to do silly, minor adjustments...such as a check mark  here or there, something she very well could have checked off for me rather than giving it back as redo...or the constant influx of intakes I find in my box. Or, when she goes over my work with a magnifying glass...almost as if hoping to find a flaw. (She forgets that it was I who taught her how to do most of these things.)  

"Letting go does not mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."--Anonymous

See!!!!  Gosh, just writing about it tightens my stomach in a knot of stress.  So, as I see it, the dreams were telling me it is time to let go of something that isn't there anymore.  By doing so, I can alleviate a lot of added stress, the stress of wondering why my FRIEND would give me all this extra work to do, why my FRIEND will be so extra picky in the things I do, yet let others get away with things I would NEVER think of doing.  Perhaps she is just as uncomfortable in this situation as I have been.  Perhaps she is this way because this is her first management job.  I don't know.  All I do know is this...if I stop thinking of her as a friend...and put our positions in proper prospective, I am sure I will alleviate that stress that comes from "Why would she do this to me?  She is my friend?"  

Reading back over this post , I realize it might have come off as a bit selfish on my part...but really, I wasn't expecting any special treatment; I was just not looking at the circumstances as they really are. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to move on. It is time to move forward, to let go of what is no longer there, and to be more at peace with myself.  

Is there someone or something that you are having difficulty letting go of?


  1. Some people change when they are in an authority position. Sometimes it's for the bad. I personaly think it is because they lack character and normaly feel insecure about themselves. They use the authority to vault themselves above others, especailly people they have previously felt inferior to. Just my personal take on things Mary.
    Let God have this one. Have a good weekend while he's taking care of it :^) X.

  2. You're right that you must now regard her as a supervisor, not as a friend. How about pretending that she is not your former friend but rather, the older sister of your former friend? Not really the same person at all! That might make the line of demarcation easier.

  3. Oh I ever!
    A SOB of an ex son in law.
    Have other ex's & when we chance to be together, I have no problems being in their company. They did me no wrong. I like them as people.
    The ex from Hell has continued to be a thorn in my side for over 10 years now.
    Once lost sleep, but no more.
    He's not renting space in my brain at night anymore.
    Hope you get your thorn worked out.
    A daughter in law is fond of saying, " it is what it is."
    For what it's worth, I have kids that worked together. One longer than the other and it didn't work out. :0(

  4. Think of her as your boss and nothing more. Let it go, along with the extra stress. Enjoy your long weekend that you worked hard to get. Have a terrific 4th and be safe!


  5. I have had a couple instances much like the one you describe... I think that we as humans encounter each other at a point in time and depending on how each of us are evolving in our lives we either stay relatively even with one another or we start to separate.

    As each of us change we start to drift apart as priorities change as well as other things. It took me a while to understand this concept yet it is what it is...

    I say she is missing out by not being as close to you as before, although I do not know her. You are a great woman with much to teach others... sometimes though when others feel they have excelled us and gone beyond (when they may not have necessarily done so) they seem to think that they can no longer associate with us per say...

    I just hope that I myself never become this way.. love you Mary... hope you sleep better this evening...

  6. Dear Mary, letting go...very hard to do but not impossible! People are funny, I know a few who after being "an average Joe" they came into some sort of position (as your "friend") and they think they are the "bee's knee" which goes and prove they were shitheads from day one. As such, this person is not worth you loosing sleep over her! It's a gorgeous day, you are off from work on a long weekend, don't look into things that bring you down, just enjoy life as is. I know it's easier said than done, but I HAVE done it, so am sure you can too! Remember what Cat Stevens said: "Oh baby it's a wild world" Be strong! XO

  7. Gentle hugs, through this...

    Doesn't everyone have something they know they should let go of? For whatever reason? Show me the person who doesn't. Or am I just cynical? ,-)

    Happy 4th of July!!!

  8. Have you thought that she isn't being hard on you deliberately but because she once knew you as a friend in the past she is scared of being seen to favour you too much. I once worked with a friend who was too scared to cut me any slack for that reason. Anytime she praised me people would say it was because I was her friend. If I did something wrong she had to be harder on me than the others in the office in case she was seen as being too soft and that could undermine her position. It's a difficult situation I'm afraid and I'm sure that 'Jane' is as uncomfortable with it as you are.

    Love and hugs Gina xxx

  9. dear Mary, thankyou so much for visiting Inglewood.. I am in a state with moving and often forget to visit ..

    in all of this ~ don't forget to go gentle with yourself.. and to forgive yourself for finding it hard to let go..
    sending love as always.. and love reading your blog! xo