Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Tuesday Ramble

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began
to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don't try to stand up
straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and
be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting
go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand
up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the
time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break.

Julia Butterfly Hill

 Helping me with the Christmas decorations.

Tonight will be one week since my beloved little angel passed, and it still hurts so bad.  It is an emotional pain and loss that I don't ever remember feeling.  I've had many pets in my nearly 68 years but the bond between me and Miss Minga is something else.  I'm totally lost without her. Mornings are intolerable.   I still find myself waiting for her to come to greet me when I enter the room.  Yesterday I was at the computer, and as I turned to the right to get up from my chair and head for the bathroom, I found myself stepping over a pillow that is no longer there.  I put it there so she wouldn't have to lie on the wood floor when she lay next to me.  

Staying home has not been helpful in my efforts to heal.  but the weather hasn't been conducive.  I did get out to church on Sunday, but before I even got home the snow was beginning to fall.  Yesterday it had stopped, but the slush on the sidewalks made it too slippery to think about going anyplace.  Today I plan on going to art class.  Getting out and around others is what I need.

I participated in the Petloss.com candle ceremony last night.  The healing energy that stems from hundreds of people from around the world lighting candles and saying prayers at the same time is amazing. Tonight my sons will finally be able to get here for our private memorial and dinner.

I am considering other ways of honoring my baby girl such as volunteering at a shelter, donating to a shelter, and adding a plant to my window garden.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  I HAVE to do something.  I can't just sit here and do nothing.

Well, friends, that's about it for today. Sorry for the sad posts.  It helps me to write about what I am feeling.  Please don't get bored with me.

Have a good one.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Monday Morning This and That

"If there is a heaven, it's certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them." 

Pam Brown 

Miss Minga as a baby.  Sure wish I could have gotten it clearer.

Good morning, everyone.  It's nasty out there so I'll be staying home today.  The storm started yesterday afternoon, a huge disappointment for me.  My sons were coming for dinner last night, and we'd planned to hold a memorial ceremony for my beloved little girl, but I told them we'll set it for another time.  No sense exposing them to the dangerous conditions.  Good heavens, it's already March, and still the storms continue.  But at least we're due to go up to 50 on Wednesday, and all this mess will melt.  They say this is the third coldest winter on record for NYC. 
I  have order a beautiful memorial card for my little girl.  When it arrives I will be sure to show it to you.  My grief has reminded me of the ocean's waves.  One moment am fine, the next I am sobbing and calling out for my girl. I don't know what to do with myself.  The other day, I went to fix lunch and I waited for her to call out to me not to forget hers.  It's the little things like this that break me down.

Everything reminds me of my little girl.   As soon as I heard about this storm on Saturday I began thinking how worried I'd get that something might happen to her during the storm, and we wouldn't be able to get her to the vet.  That always caused me such  a great deal of stress.  Now, I just don't care.

I am driving myself crazy.  I find myself gazing at all the places I had set up her little beds (she always had to be near me), at the empty space where her litter box and cat litter stood, at the empty cupboard where I kept her food, etc. hoping that this nightmare would be over, and she still would be there, but it is not a nightmare.  It is 'real' life, and I know I have to pull myself together before I sink any deeper into depression.

I've been looking towards Spring with a new sense of hope.   I picture the first budding of the trees. the Spring flowers as they push their way through the earth, the joyful tunes of the song birds.  As a time for new beginnings, I am hoping that my happiness with life will return.  Granted, my life is forever changed, and she will NEVER be forgotten, but I do hope that one day I will be able to let go and honor her by living my life as I know she would want me to.

Thanks for letting me share.

 “Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break.”
William Shakespeare

Friday, February 27, 2015


"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." 

Vicki Harrison 

I would like to thank all those who offered their support and condolences.  This has been such a rough week for me.  The house is so empty, and I am missing my little girl so much.  I cry all the time.  I look for signs that she is visiting me, but they say when your grief is too strong, they are unable to break through the energy.  But, how does one turn it off? 

 I set this little memorial up for my girl in her favorite Winter spot, the heating pipe. As soon as she heard the little clinks it made she would go running to it.  I lie in bed mornings listening to it and imagine I hear her little footsteps. 

One of the last photos I took of my little girl.  It was always so hard to get her sitting up.  She always loved laying at my feet.

This is the very last photo I took of my little Angel.

I am so lost right now.  I realize now how much of my life was completely devoted to my little girl.  I woke early in the morning because she loved to spend time with me before I went out, took catnaps in my rocker because she wanted me in the room with her, and went to bed when I was sure she was soundly asleep for the night.  I fixed lunch for her when I had lunch and the same with dinner. I sat where  she wanted me to sit, usually my rocking chair.  Oh how she loved resting her head on my feet as I rocked or rolling over for tummy rubs.  The pure bliss on her face.  I haven't been able to sit there since she is gone. 

Tears welled in my eyes when I passed the cat food shelves in the supermarket.  I spent so much time there, picking and choosing. There is a new cat food out that is more like a soup.  Miss Minga always loved her gravy.  I couldn't wait for it to hit the shelves in our neck of the woods so I could get it for her.  I just knew she was going to love it.  Now, she will never have a chance to try it.

She would have been 23 in June.  I knew this time was coming, but I just never thought it would happen.  In my mind, my little girl would be with me forever.  Denial.  I guess one is just never prepared for it.  No matter how much you are aware of the inevitable, the pain, the heartache, is so severe.  I love you little girl.  A piece of my heart is missing.

Thanks for being here for me.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Farewell My Love

 "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. " 

Anatole France

"If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans."

James Herriot) 

My heart is broken. Miss Minga crossed the Rainbow Bridge last night. She took a nap this evening and when she woke up she began staggering and falling over. Her head was turned almost backwards and shaking, I knew it was time. She was a little better when we got her to the vet, but even the vet agreed that the compassionate thing to do was to let her go. We might be able to medicate her but that would only keep her alive for maybe a few months. So I held her close and said good bye. Now I am feeling like I should not have let her go. In four months she would have been 23. She was my best friend, the love of my life. I cannot live without her. My tears will not stop.

When I got up this morning I kept waiting for her to run to my feet.  That was our morning ritual for oh so long.  She'd come to greet me from whichever bed she had chosen to sleep in the night before.  Then, when I came to the computer to do my blogs, she come right with me and sit at my feet, very, very quietly.  Then, when I was done she automatically ran to the kitchen for her breakfast.  This morning she wasn't there.  Please, let this be a nightmare.

 She loved my feet.

As most of you know we have been without electricity for almost two days. It finally got back on a 4 am. It was so brutally cold in the house and I can't help thinking that that had something to do with her death. She was fine until the heat went out and then her behavior began to change. I love you little girl. I will keep you forever in my heart.

 I will be taking some time now for mourning.   I will be back.  Thanks all for being there for me.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Monday Morning This and That

 One is content if one can find
happiness in simple pleasures.

Thomas Malloy

Good morning, everyone.  After a brief interlude of warm temperatures yesterday we are back to the cold arctic air.  What a winter!  The coldest day of the year on Friday, snow and sleet on Saturday, temps in the 40's on Sunday, and now back down to the single digits.  Hard to keep track of it.

Stayed in on Saturday.  Addressed St. Patrick's Day cards for a card exchange group I belong to, wrote  a letter to one of my penpals, and did a lot of reading. Pulled the curtain aside and watched the snow come down for awhile before closing my eyes and nodding off.  

Sunday afternoon cleared up enough for me to make it to the parade.  What parade?  Big disappointment.  Lots of people out there peddling their wares. 

Notice that not everyone shoveled...even for the big day.

Even the police officers got into it.  The tall officer had his own can of silly string and was spraying right back at them.  The kids were loving it, and I thought it was a great way for the officer to reach out to the community.  

I'd planned on a Chinese dinner of fried rice and pork chops with spare rib sauce. (Ribs were too expensive).  Fortunately before I cooked them I went online to check on recipes and read a review of the sauce.  "This was the saltiest sauce I ever tried.  I couldn't even eat it."  Uh, oh.  I checked the jar and sure enough, two tablespoons had 1,680 mg. of sodium.  Wow. Should really have read the label before I bought it.  So, we ended up having Chinese Fried Rice...

...with Chipolte seasoned pork chops. 

Well, that's about it today.  I'm off early to take care of the monthly banking.  February sure did fly by.  Have a good one.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Friday Roundup

Success depends upon staying power. The reason for failure in most cases is lack of perseverance.

James R. Miller
Good morning on this brutally cold Friday.  They say this is our coldest morning of the year so far.  Do I really want to go out?  I 'would' really love to make my second WW meeting. After all, I remained the same for two weeks now and seem to have hit a plateau.  I love this week's topic--'Danger Zones' which includes hibernating during the winter.  I did make yesterday's meeting, cold as it was, but both leaders have a different way of teaching...and I love them both.

Yesterday was Chinese Lunar New Year, and being that I live one block from the heart of the festivities, I did take a walk down to watch the parade.  Unfortunately, I walked over there for nothing.  They'll not be holding the parade until Sunday....and ugh, they are forecasting some very nasty weather on that day. We did, however, celebrate last night with a homemade Chinese dinner of Five Spice Chicken and Vegetable Fried Rice.

Can't believe how good this fried rice was.  And it was not only simple to make, but called for few ingredients so it was cheap. 

3/4 cup chopped onion
Vegetable oil (I use Smart Balance Omega 3)
1 egg, lightly beaten
Few drops low sodium soy sauce
Frozen peas and carrots, not thawed
Rice Cooked (I never measure but would guess I made two cups)  
2 teaspoons sesame oil
½ cup sliced scallions
Rice (I never measure but would guess I made two cups)
Bean sprouts
Additional soy sauce to taste.

In a large nonstick pan, add  oil and preheat over medium-high heat.  Add onions and stir fry until they are nicely browned.  Remove from pan. 

Mix egg with soy sauce and sesame oil and set aside.

Add more oil if needed and cook egg.  Remove egg and chop into pieces. 

Now add peas and carrots and cooked onion.  Stir fry about 2 minutes.  Add rice, scallions, and bean sprouts.  Toss to mix.  Add some soy sauce and chopped egg and mix.  Stir fry another minute.  Add additional soy sauce to taste.

This is the last time for a good long while that I am going to mention my niece/goddaughter.  She's pregnant.  Yup, she's pregnant again, 7 weeks,  and the daddy who she 'thought' she had fallen in love with and supported wants no part of it. In fact, she copied and posted a message from him that was on her messenger.  He said she was an evil woman  (because she put him out) and called her all kinds of names, said he would never support the baby, and wished the baby would die.  How awful is that?  But that is the kind of men she chooses....over and over again.

Have a wonderful weekend.  See you on Monday.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Thursday Ramble

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean we shut down.
Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.
It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment.
It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which
we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means
taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness,
and love, as much as possible.

Melody Beattie

Good morning. I'm feeling excited because I am finally going to get out today.  I'm only headed for the supermarket, but it will be my first time outdoors since Friday.  I'm starting to get too used to this, so I am going to force myself on out the door this morning.  The snow has stopped, and hubby said yesterday MOST people shoveled.  Of course, the church didn't shovel...again...and they take up have the block what with their parking lot and all.  Can't understand why it's like this because they run a school program there as well, and the students are teenage boys.

Did you ever just throw your hands up in the air and give up on someone?  My niece, my God daughter, I just can't do it anymore.  I've enough issues of my own to deal with.  She cannot be without a man.  She's got three children, all with different fathers, and all out of her life right now.  Only recently she had another man living with her who not only physically abused her (stabbed her in the stomach, and she still took him back) but after he was gone she found out he molested her 10 year old daughter.  Where'd she meet him?  Facebook.  

A month after he's locked up she brings another one home.  This one didn't abuse her, but he took her for everything she had.  Didn't work at all, and lived off her income.  Had other women on the side.  Left her with nothing.  She swore she was going to take my advice and focus on her children.  "I don't need a man", she says.  Where'd she meet him?  Facebook. 

Yesterday I checked out her FB page and find out she has a new one.  She;s got this picture of this sloppy looking guy captioned with "I got myself a nice Italian". I give up.  

Yesterday I made us a huge pot of sauce with meatballs and sausage. Salsa Segreta 'The Secret Sauce.  The recipe comes from a New York City restaurant, Gino's, which opened in 1945.  In its heyday, Gino's hosted such famous clientele as Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennet, and Joe DiMaggio.  Salsa Segreta was one of their staples.  I got the recipe from 'Sunday Sauce' by Daniel Bell-Zwicke, but tweaked it a little, just a little.  It was deliciousl

One large can of plum tomatoes
2 cloves minced garlic
1 small onion, minced
1/8 tsp of crushed red pepper
olive oil
Italian seasonings*

Saute onions  in olive oil for about 3 minutes, then add garlic and saute another 3-4 minutes.  Add tomatoes, bring to boil, stirring until it starts to bubble, then turn down flame and simmer, stirring frequently.  I crush the tomatoes as I stir.  Add seasonings  and simmer about 30 more minutes.  Makes an awesome sauce.  (Meatballs are baked in oven and then placed in sauce to complete cooking.)

This is the best Italian seasoning I have found for a reasonable price.  It contains freeze dried basil, oregano, garlic, red onions, red pepper, marjoram and rosemary. 

Well, that's it for today.  Have a good one.