Wednesday Morning Ramble

Take the breath of the new dawn and

make it part of you.  It will give you strength.

From the Hopi

Missed the sunrise this morning.  It's my late day at work, and I slept in.  Got a couple extra hours of much needed rest.  Problem has been that I go to be at 10 or 11, fall asleep generally with no problem, then awaken about 1-2 am. My mind goes into overtime, and  I toss and turn for about an hour, fall asleep, wake up about 4 or 4:30, toss and turn and fall into the deepest sleep of the night only to be woken shortly by the shrill sound of my alarm. Today I was able to take advantage of that deep sleep and stay in bed until 7:30.  

Last night rather than dwell on what could go wrong, I instead took some time to go over my blessings...a loving husband, two wonderful sons, wonderful online friends who are my greatest support and never get tired of my whining.  I have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and food on the table.  I've never wanted more.  Financial wealth was never one of my dreams.  I only want to live comfortably, and that I am. There are so many more important kinds of wealth, so many other things out there to make one happy.

It's dreadful outdoors as we find ourselves in the midst of another heatwave.  It felt like it was over 100 when I left work yesterday, so oppressive.  Later today they're predicting showers which will usher in some cooler air...if one can call 86 cooler.  I guess what will make the difference is a lower humidity. 

On a plus side, yesterday was a real test for me, and I passed with flying colors.  As I've previously noted, I'm beginning to get some 'pep back in my step'.  In other words, I now find myself passing others on the sidewalk rather than them passing me by.  I have to remind myself that I am not racing to a fire. Slow down and take notice of what is surrounding me.  Otherwise, I will miss out on so much.  

I spoke with my doctor  yesterday.  I have an appointment next Monday after work.  I'm not feeling as anxious about this visit as I was the last time.  Those emergency room doctors had me shaking in my boots.  To my husband..."Make sure she gets to the doctor ASAP.  She's going to need a biopsy."  And on and on they went with the scare tactics.  I guess they had their reasons.  I'd already admitted to them that I don't go to the doctors much.  They wanted to make sure I followed up.

Well, I've been doing some research on the Pet Scan my doctor was sending me for. According to the billing code the test she had ordered was for 'other diseases of the lungs'. She also advised me that she was going to refer me to 'the pulmonologist'. Perhaps it is wishful thinking on my part, but I felt relieved when she didn't say 'an oncologist'. I just want this to be over. It's the not knowing that is driving me up a wall.  

And for now, I am going to stop harping on this, and wish you all a wonderful day.  If you, like me, are in the midst of a heat wave, please do take it slow and drink lots of water to stay hydrated. This weather is no joke. People are dying out there.  

If a culture treats a particular illness with compassion and enlightened

understanding, then sickness can be seen as a challenge, as a

healing crisis and opportunity. Being sick is then not a condemnation

or a moral judgment, but a movement in a larger process

of healing and restoration. When sickness is viewed positively and in

supportive terms, then illness has a much better chance to heal,

with the concomitant result that the entire person

may grow and be enriched in the process.

Ken Wilber