Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Wednesday Morning Ramble

Take the breath of the new dawn and
make it part of you.  It will give you strength.

From the Hopi

Missed the sunrise this morning.  It's my late day at work, and I slept in.  Got a couple extra hours of much needed rest.  Problem has been that I go to be at 10 or 11, fall asleep generally with no problem, then awaken about 1-2 am. My mind goes into overtime, and  I toss and turn for about an hour, fall asleep, wake up about 4 or 4:30, toss and turn and fall into the deepest sleep of the night only to be woken shortly by the shrill sound of my alarm. Today I was able to take advantage of that deep sleep and stay in bed until 7:30.  

Last night rather than dwell on what could go wrong, I instead took some time to go over my blessings...a loving husband, two wonderful sons, wonderful online friends who are my greatest support and never get tired of my whining.  I have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and food on the table.  I've never wanted more.  Financial wealth was never one of my dreams.  I only want to live comfortably, and that I am. There are so many more important kinds of wealth, so many other things out there to make one happy.

It's dreadful outdoors as we find ourselves in the midst of another heatwave.  It felt like it was over 100 when I left work yesterday, so oppressive.  Later today they're predicting showers which will usher in some cooler air...if one can call 86 cooler.  I guess what will make the difference is a lower humidity. 

On a plus side, yesterday was a real test for me, and I passed with flying colors.  As I've previously noted, I'm beginning to get some 'pep back in my step'.  In other words, I now find myself passing others on the sidewalk rather than them passing me by.  I have to remind myself that I am not racing to a fire. Slow down and take notice of what is surrounding me.  Otherwise, I will miss out on so much.  

I spoke with my doctor  yesterday.  I have an appointment next Monday after work.  I'm not feeling as anxious about this visit as I was the last time.  Those emergency room doctors had me shaking in my boots.  To my husband..."Make sure she gets to the doctor ASAP.  She's going to need a biopsy."  And on and on they went with the scare tactics.  I guess they had their reasons.  I'd already admitted to them that I don't go to the doctors much.  They wanted to make sure I followed up.

Well, I've been doing some research on the Pet Scan my doctor was sending me for. According to the billing code the test she had ordered was for 'other diseases of the lungs'. She also advised me that she was going to refer me to 'the pulmonologist'. Perhaps it is wishful thinking on my part, but I felt relieved when she didn't say 'an oncologist'. I just want this to be over. It's the not knowing that is driving me up a wall.  

And for now, I am going to stop harping on this, and wish you all a wonderful day.  If you, like me, are in the midst of a heat wave, please do take it slow and drink lots of water to stay hydrated. This weather is no joke. People are dying out there.  

If a culture treats a particular illness with compassion and enlightened
understanding, then sickness can be seen as a challenge, as a
healing crisis and opportunity. Being sick is then not a condemnation
or a moral judgment, but a movement in a larger process
of healing and restoration. When sickness is viewed positively and in
supportive terms, then illness has a much better chance to heal,
with the concomitant result that the entire person
may grow and be enriched in the process.

Ken Wilber


  1. Hotter than Hades here too. You have had to wait a very long while for these tests which adds to the anxiety. But it sounds like you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation. Keep that optimism flowing!!

  2. That is good advice Mary, of course you know you must follow your own advice and keep hydrated and try to stop worrying about things.

    The worry itself, can make you sick and bring on illness.

    You have a wonderful day too.

    hugs Sharon

  3. From what I understand, the PET scan is only useful if they have determined that you definitely have is great at finding out if cancer has spread, once you know you have it. My husband has a dear friend that is a pulmonologist, and that's who did his biopsy. (They were almost certain he had cancer before they did the biopsy, b/c the tumor in his left lung was HUGE...8cm) So if the spot on your lung isn't cancer, the PET scan would be a waste anyway. And I think there's a good chance it won't be. But you definitely need to see a pulmonologist. I so wish you lived here....Gregg's doctor friend is WONDERFUL and he would get you the best of care, ASAP. He's willing to fight out any disputes with insurance companies, too.

    Hang in there, my friend. I think you're going to be ok. And don't be afraid b/c they tried to scare you at your primary doctor's office. So many people don't follow through on warnings that they're probably just trying to make sure you DO follow up.

  4. I slept in this morning too Mary...couldn't get to sleep last night so ended up taking a sleep aid and that always leaves me dragging in the a.m. but it can't be helped. It is what it is. I had an appointment I needed to keep this morning but received a call, after forcing myself to get up, they called and cancelled. So perhaps I will have a lazy day instead, lol.
    Well, I am glad the Doc is sending you to a pulmonologist...there is more than one way to skin a cat and hopefully this will get you the test you then need to get some resolve. I totally agree with you it is the waiting and not knowing that keeps you on edge. This is another reason why our health care systems need overhauling. It is not in anyone's best interest to have to jump through hoops when something like this happens and it doesn't lend itself to wellness just by virtue of keeping one in limbo! Don't get me started, lol.
    Supposed to be somewhat cooling off here too but not by much...that cold front moving down is just not strong enough. It does look like showers might grace our neck of the woods so I'd better get out and put up the windows on my car...I've kept them down so they wouldn't crack in the extreme heat.
    Well my Sister Love...have a great day and keep the faith! Stay cool and hydrated too!
    I love you Mary...

  5. Good news!!!! The way you are really, really trying to be calm, in the midst of this personal storm. It can only help, we all know. But it is NOT EASY to do.

    Every day, the process, begins again.

    Will this doctor be able to address your sleeping issues, as well as other things? I know how it is. A doc for this and a doc for that. Gets confusing. :-)))) But! I am so glad you are on-the-doc-circut, my Dear! It's safer.

    Gentle hugs...

    "Somewhere, something incredible
    is waiting to be known."

    ~Carl Sagan

  6. Come and get them...(((hugs)))from me to you,Pat