Monday Morning This and That

Today I know that I cannot control the ocean tides. I can only go with the flow.... When I struggle and try to organize the Atlantic to my specifications, I sink. If I flail and thrash and growl and grumble, I go under. But if I let go and float, I am borne aloft.

- Marie Stilkind -

Monday and back to work. I did well for myself last week on my diet, but handling stress was another matter. During my time off they made some computer changes with our paperwork, and I'm never one to take those kind of changes well, computer nerd that I am. But, heck, I'm not alone. We're all in an uproar. Why can't they leave well enough alone? Dreadful, and so many unnecessary steps are needed now...even just to print. Then there was dealing with clients, intakes, discharges, etc. I tried to remain stress free, I really tried, but I guess it's going to take some practice on my part.

Then, on Wednesday something happened that really turned my stomach, and made me question my choice of career, if only for a moment. One of the clients stole my cane. That's about as low as one can get. Let's face it, we don't carry canes for no reason, so if someone is using one, it obviously means they are handicapped in some way, right?  That just gives you some idea as to the clientele I have to work with.  I know who it is, but didn't see it so I couldn't prove it. You tell me if you think I am right.

First the suspect walks in and asks me what movie we are seeing.  I occasionally purchase movies such as "Days of Wine and Roses" for my groups.  When I advised him that we were not going to watch a movie, that we were going to talk, he said, "I don't know why we can't see a movie.  I only come here for movies."  I told him that sharing was an important part of recovery, but if he really wanted to see a movie, he might try the other group.  He walked off. 

Two minutes later he came and took my cane off the hook , began trying it out.  I called out to him, "Hey, that is mine, please put it back".  

He stated, "I was just trying it. It's just the right size.  Where did you get it?  (Now, mind you, this is a client who doesn't stop to chat with anyone.) "You don't seem to walk with any problems."

"I've had it for years, and yes, I do have problems.  I use it because although I may appear to walk well in here, I have an arthritis riddled lower back and have lots of problems walking on concrete." I replied.

Fast forward to the group.  He did end up attending my group, and the word 'obnoxious' doesn't even begin to describe his behavior. He interrupted others, used bad language, had to be put in his place several times.It was actually a relief to me when he got up to use the bathroom ten minutes before group was over.  I knew he wasn't coming back, and I really didn't care.  Had I only known.

Okay, so this is my office space.  As I said when I showed this before, we sit in cubicles in full view of clients.  There are  no boundaries or privacy.  I wouldn't mind the cubicle if the walls were somewhat higher, or if clients weren't traipsing back and forth all the time, but that cannot be avoided.  Group rooms are directly across from where I sit. The handle of my wooden cane fit over the barrier and hung next to my desk (directly in front far right).  I never thought of carrying it with me inside because, first of all, I don't need it inside, and secondly, just about every client in the place knew it was there, and no one has dared touch  it in all the months I  have used it.  I find it very ironic that the one day that client picked it up and remarked about how it was the right size, it disappears. 

On Friday, he came into group and asked why everyone was mad at him in the program. Now, no one had said anything or treated him any differently.  I felt like tossing him out the window, but with no proof, I had to act like nothing had happened.  Grrr!!!   No one was there to see it, but his question sure did speak to me of a guilty conscience.  

No one has ever stolen from me before, and it really did hurt, but something happened afterwards that really made me feel good.  My bosses, as well as my co-workers were really upset over this.  First, they got together to buy me a new cane.  How special is that?  Tears flowed when they gifted it to me on Friday afternoon.  Secondly, my bosses have decided that this client has to go.  Next week he is being referred elsewhere.  For so long I have felt unappreciated, but this made me see how wrong I had been.  They all rallied behind me. What more can anyone ask for?  

Meanwhile, I am doing great with my diet this time around. I found a great free online sight for diet and exercise. Each day you mark down everything you eat for the day--breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. Also, how much water you drink and the exercise you have done. With my back, knees and whatever else is ailing me, it's hard to start an exercise program, but I have been counting my walk to and from work. It helps that everyone else on the site can see my daily quotas. At the end of the day it adds it all up and tells you whether you are over or under your daily allowance. There are also groups, member friendships, recipes and other benefits on the site.  Of course you can lie, but who are you hurting if you lie. It is called  My Fitness Pal

I've my first appointment with my new doctor today, and I am feeling very anxious.  Not that anything major is being done today--medical history, checkup, blood work-- but my negative thinking is saying, "What else are they going to find?"  There is absolutely no need for this, I know.  Since I have stopped smoking I've had no more respiratory problems; colds, aside from the last one which was bad for all of us who had it, last only two to three days.  That's a record for me who used to cough for weeks from a cold.   That's why I can't understand those cat scan results. Why now?  All I can do now is hope...and pray.

Hope is like a road in the country; there never was a road,

but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.

Lin Yutang