"May the stars carry your sadness away,
May the flowers fill your heart with beauty,
May hope forever wipe away your tears,
And, above all, may silence make you strong."
--Chief Dan George--
Back to work day. Glad they finally fixed the AC. The AC had been out since last Thursday and by afternoon with the sun beating in the windows, the 10th floor was like a 'Sweat Lodge'. It was an inhuman way to work. By the time I left to go home, my clothes were sticking to me and my hair looked like I had stuck it in the sink and quickly dried it off.
The Full Moon. She is the ruler of life cycles. She brings powerful, healing energies. On Tuesday night I embraced the moon and rode out the emotional storm that had been unleashed within me. I no longer have the luxury of stepping into a back yard and standing open, beneath her, but that doesn't mean I cannot feel her energy. Turning out all of the lights and lighting a scented blue candle (Moonlit Walk and Wandering Stream) brought me a great deal of comfort. The blue candle represents the ocean and sky, my two favorite places. It energies are cooling, and it promotes healing energies, patience, peace, protection, understanding,and wisdom. I just sat there quietly, sorting through thoughts, and surrounding myself with healing energies. I just cannot allow this fear to gain control. I don't know what time it was that I went to bed, but I didn't get up until 9 am, late for me, and only because my cat decided that it was time to eat.
The 4th itself was an enjoyable day for me. I didn't go out, much too hot and humid. Instead, I spent much of the day researching low sodium diets, bought the DASH diet book for my Kindle, chose recipes, and made out my weekend shopping list. I'm looking forward this weekend. Shopping for and trying out my new recipes looks to be fun. I'll be sure to clue you in on my favorites.
On that note, I had a strange dream last night. It seems that I was having a party, for what, I don't know. Sent my son to get the food, and he came back with an enormous pan of ziti with meatballs, hot and spicy chicken wings, and macaroni with cheese...all of my favorite foods. He also had with him two large shopping bags filled with meat...and the meat wasn't packaged. It was just tossed into the bags and I was supposed to cook it all. Just goes to show how much I allowed food to run my life. I've been thinking about 'never' having these foods again, but 'never' is too long a time. But, by working diligently on lowering my blood pressure, I hope one day to be able to indulge, in great moderation, of course, in those comfort foods I left behind...and who knows, by then, I'll probably be so trained in another way of eating I won't even want them anymore.
But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can
never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in.