Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Full Moon Ramblings

Look how the pale Queen of the silent night
doth cause the ocean to attend upon her,
and he, as long as she is in sight,
with his full tide is ready here to honor;

But when the silver waggon of the Moon
is mounted up so high he cannot follow,
the sea calls home his crystal waves to morn,
and with low ebb doth manifest his sorrow.

So you that are sovereign of my heart
have all my joys attending on your will,
when you return, their tide my heart doth fill.
So as you come and as you depart,
joys ebb and flow within my tender heart

by Charles Best 

It is in the stillness of the night, July 2nd, that I begin this. So many thoughts racing through my head. I can't seem to catch up to them. The doctor's visit went well. I liked her. I left with a handful of prescriptions that are supposed to make me feel better.  I feel good that I am finally taking a pro-active interest in my health, I really do, but I can't help but to sit here tonight wondering, where has it all gone--the summer of my youth--and why has it passed so quickly?  When we are young, we feel invincible. Whatever aches and pains we have are brought on by self...lifting something too heavy, strenuous exercise.  We suffer for awhile, and it goes away.  But, when we reach a certain age, the pain is there; it's just there. We get up in the morning, and it takes us some time to get ourselves going.  Rest no longer improves our situation; instead, we wake up achy and stiff, but we learn how to deal with it.

Sorry for sounding so melancholy. I'm really trying to remain upbeat.  I know that, no matter what may come, I am strong enough to beat it, yet, tonight I find myself not in very good space. The news today was good, but my hypochondria seems to be kicking in.   Perhaps it is because I have lived in denial for so long and have suddenly been forced to face my own mortality.  

Or perhaps maybe it is the effects of this powerful Full Moon in Capricorn that has stirred up my emotions.  While Full Moon is an emotional time,  this one looks to be a particularly intense Full Moon for all of us because it indicates a time to face our fears, to take action and come to terms with things. The Moon (our emotions) will also widely conjunct Pluto (destruction and creation). This signifies a time of making some significant changes, and in my case, what could be more important than making changes to improve my health? Indeed, my cat scan results were a reality check for me.

July 3, early morn
I met my new doctor yesterday, and I really liked her.  My blood pressure is still high, but slowly coming down.  She put me a second blood pressure medication, Hydrochlorothiazide.  I  understand I'll be heading for the bathroom a bit more often. I'm going to be scheduled for a mammogram and complete bloodwork. My thyroid is enlarged but the lymph nodes are fine.  She also called in a lung specialist who put me a bit at ease.   In his opinion, the lesion is far too perfectly formed to be malignant.  I broke down in tears when he told me. Will know for sure once I have a Pet Scan next week.  It was good news, yes, but I am still not out of the woods.  I breathe a sigh of relief once the test is over.

I've made so many mistakes in my life, especially regarding my health.  It's always been, "It will never happen to me" so I became invincible...or so I thought I was. What made me think I was something special?  But, thank goodness, we do get second chances. This time I am not going to blow it.  Thanks for listening to an old rambler. I have been blessed,my friends, I really have. Today, there are  so many wonderful people in my life. I love you all.

“If you have made mistakes…there is always another chance for you…you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘Failure’ is not the falling down but the staying down.”
– Mary Pickford -


  1. Sending you my love Mary...i been pretty emotional lately myself, so maybe it is the moon.

  2. It's a good idea to pull into the garage and have them look under the hood every once in a while. A few dings and scrapes but still a classy chassis!

  3. So happy for your good news! And that you like your doctor!<--This is so important, in my opinion. So much easier to follow suggestions, when we like the giver of them. :-)

    Please try to spend your 4th of July tiny holiday, teaching/training yourself to only look at the positive aspects.<---Hahhhh! So easy to say. So difficult to do.

    But you know that it has to help, everything, to kick those hyopchondriac thoughts out of our mind! REPLACE them with any/all positive thoughts we can grab onto, at the moment.

    Listen to happy-ish music, not too slow and melancholy... Read something you enjoy! Like Faerie Tales, which you so love. Or.... something nice... Light a lovely candle to your New Wonderful Healthy Outlook and Plans... Etc.

    You know what works best, for YOU.

    And we are here... Cheering on your progress. And ready with hugs, and wishes, and good vibes, to give you a hand, when it gets hard. And you'll do the same, for us. :-)

    Gentle hugs...


  4. Really glad to hear everything is going well for you. I know how scary it is to face what we took advantage of in the crescent moon of our youth. I have to go to the Dr.'s soon and do a check up too and have just been putting it off and off. You have a lot of courage so just keep going with the full moon and all.

  5. So far, so good - still holding you in my thoughts. You sum up the human condition well, and I applaud your resolution to meet the inevitable challenges head-on. I will make no recommendations other than to report that, actually, you are something special, as your blog attests, and to hope that you will continue to befriend your physical self with gentleness and love and persistence.

  6. Mary, You are such a gift to us...I hope you see that in its fullness. So that when you look in the mirror you see the fruits of your life's labors instead of negative aspects.
    Last night was a whopper to get through and I'm sure tonight will be more of the same. I didn't get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning...I too walk through my life wondering where it all went, but life is for the living, as you well know so I give it all I have to stay in the moment. Your news from your doctor is great news, so celebrate, light a candle for yourself...I'll do the same. I walk with you hand in hand Sister and will always keep you in my prayertime. I'm sure everything is going to be 'Amazing' for you in light of how you've lived your life in service to others. Be Gentle and Compassionate with yourself love and know that you are adored by all of us.
    ((((Big Hugs))))

  7. God bless Mary. You are a gift to all of us. Keeping you in my heart and sending gentle hugs your way.

  8. the body is an amazing thing.. and it is never too late to begin again.. it will heal itself with care & love xo
    and yes, the Full Moon.. Cancer/Capricorn.. Mother/Father - issues surrounding this.. lots of lessons, letting go, healing..
    love and healing to you dear Mary xo

  9. Hi dear friend.....read this post...and was so very thankful for YOU.......looks like good news on all fronts. You know the old saying "nothing changes....if nothing changes"......looks like you are ready for a CHANGE. Yeah I say.



  10. Happy weekend Mary,

    I admit I feel energized by the full moon every time she blossoms full. I secretly feel like dancing beneath her around the flames of an open fire and celebrating her magnetic glow.

    peace and love to you sweet sister.
    hugs Sharon