Wednesday, July 11, 2012


I wake each morning with the thrill of expectation
and the joy of being alive. And I'm thankful for this day.

Angela L. Wozniak

Yesterday I'd mentioned I had a dream about my mom, but before I begin, I'd like to give you an update on the fiasco at the lab yesterday. It seems that the bright people at the insurance company approved me for an MRI of the lumbar region.  How they got that out of orders for a Pet Scan of the lungs I will never know.  Today, I have to call and find out exactly who these 'members' are who will be calling me. You'd think they'd try to rectify THEIR mistake as soon as possible, but we all know better than that.

Have you ever dreamed of a love one who has passed on?  I've had many, but the dream I had the other night was perhaps one of the most wonderful dreams.  As you all know, I've been under a great deal of worry and stress about my health, so finding myself back in the home of my youth, with the pets I loved, brought me back to a time before cares and worries became a part of my life, that time of my youth when life was so carefree.  And then my mom showed up, but she wasn't the warring figure that I remembered.

My mom and I never had that close bond that mothers and daughters have. Sometimes I wondered why she even bothered to bear me. Her words to me were cruel and targeted to beat me down.  What I remember most though was how she was never there for me. She'd work all day, come home for dinner, and back out,leaving me in the care of my dad who spent his evenings nursing his six-pack in the bedroom, and not returning until I was fast asleep. I used to wonder how she could spend more time with that other child than with her daughter, and then, as I got a little older I discovered it wasn't a child after all.

When I got older, I left home, first to live with a friend and eventually there came to move to the city.  Mom and I chatted on the phone, but it was obvious she liked my being gone, and for many years, I was glad to be gone.  But, there comes a time in every woman's life when they begin missing their 'mommy', and many a night I found myself crying for her, but it was too late for she was gone.  We'd let far too much time go by without saying we were sorry to each other, and now we would never have the chance, until....

....until she came to me in my dream.  And I was able to put my arms around her and say I was sorry and I wanted to come home.  "Not now", she said.  "It's not time".  And as we stood there, holding each other, she and everything around her faded away...and I woke. I tried hard to go back to the dream, but I realize that I had been given a great gift, the joy of knowing that my mom really is watching over me. 

So, no matter what may come my way in the future, I know I can deal with it.  Whatever its meaning, I don't know.  All I can say is it gave me the gift of hope.

I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before
how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way,
and that so many things that one goes around worrying about
are of no importance whatsoever.

Isak Dinesen


  1. what a powerful dream! your mother in spirit has risen above earthly self and is pure spirit of love.. for whatever reasons, your journey and hers on earth was as it should be.. now she is guiding you from beyond. She loves you Mary xo
    [but I know your angst about not being close.. my mother and I have an odd relationship as well.. causes me angst also.]
    pS - she said 'it's not your time'... a wonderful message xoxo

  2. (((Mary))) What a gift you've been given thru your dream visitation. Your Mom, I'm sure was telling you, she's by your side watching over you, and even greater, it is not your time to leave this earth plane, to lay your worries at rest. What a beautiful, incredible dream!!!
    Still holding you close to my heart Sister...
    Much, much Love to YOU!!!

  3. It's a great healing dream and also one of reassurance that all will be well.

  4. I believe you were given the answer you needed to tackle this problem with minimal worry my dear.

    Someone, is indeed, watching over you.
    There is true forgiveness in letting go.

    Your visit with your Mom is exactly what you
    needed to give you strength.

    blessings to you Sharon

  5. According to the *resident expert,* both those scans/tests/whatever, are of the same area.

    My bet..... One costs less, than the other. They want to pay for the less expensive test. Not the other one.

    Just like Insurance Co.(s) dictate to doctors, which meds they can write for their patients. If a doc writes for one, which is more expensive than another, the Ins. Co. will only pay for the less expensive one.

    I know, because the *resident expert* is a pharmacist, and any doctor will tell you the same thing.


  6. I also had a pretty tortured relationship with my mom full of regrets. When she passed away over 13 years ago I had such a hole in my heart that we would never have the mother/daughter relationship we both seemed to miss. I've also had dreams where she's shown up and comforted me and I wake up with a bittersweet feeling. Your mother in real life and archytepally is now there for you even though you can't be bonded on the spirit realm as you want to be. At least that's how I see it. Beautiful dream.

  7. Mary, I am so glad you received comfort from that dream when you so needed it.

  8. Insightful post today Mary....hang in there!