Tuesday Chatter

Things don’t change. You change your way of looking, that’s all.

Carlos Castaneda

My life has undergone so many changes lately. Changes in diet, in exercise...changes in the way I experience life, changes in the way I look at life, changes in the way I appreciate life. When the emergency room doctor told me that  they found a nodule on my lung and that I should follow up on it as soon as possible, well, one suddenly discovers that they are not immortal after all.  Compound that with a dangerously high blood pressure reading, and one realizes we have taken our health for granted for far too long.  Changes must be made, or we will die, simple as that.

But, changes in diet and lifestyle are not the only changes I have to make. The fact is, one change I have to make is learning how to keep my 'trap' shut.  I think it's my job to save the world and what happens is that I tend to push my opinions on others whether they want them or not.  If I've done that to any of you, please do accept my apologies.  I mean well, and it is only because I care.  

Yesterday I believe I lost a blog friend because I overstepped my boundaries and told him something they didn't need to hear.  I logged on and noticed that I'd lost a follower in each of two blogs, the two blogs this person had been following.  When I went to check out their blog, and found it was gone.  Later, through the grapevine, I learned that this person started another blog, and certain people were invited; others weren't.  That tells me that I did it again, and I've only myself to blame for losing a friend.  I overstepped my boundaries.  

A long time ago, I learned that we were all placed on this earth for a reason, with lessons to be learned. We have our assignments, and everybody has their own responsibility for completing theirs. Yet, here I am trying to interfere by telling others what they have to do. We all make mistakes.  Isn't that the way we learn?  And, as I sit here this morning writing this is that I realize one of my mistakes is trying to tell others how to live their lives.  

If I've done this to you, please accept my apology and know that it wasn't done to hurt you.  It was done out of love.  Perhaps it is that I haven't had that many friends in my life. It's been hard for me to reach out. So, perhaps I am still learning how to be a friend. Whatever the reason, I'm asking you now that if you EVER feel that I am overstepping my bounds, please feel free to let me know.  I'd rather that than lose another friend. And if, by chance, the friend I lost should read this, please forgive me.  I'd like another chance.

Well, it's time to get showered, dressed, and get ready to get out of here for my test. I'm scared, but I know this has to be done. Thanks for listening to me today, and thanks for being here for me. Sometimes I just feel like such a big baby.  Had a dream last night that I will tell you about tomorrow.  It was about my mom, and was something so very, very special.

In our instinctive attachments, our fear of change, and our wish for certainty

and permanence, we may undercut the impermanence which is

our greatest strength, our most fundamental identity. Without impermanence,

there is no process. The nature of life is change. All hope is based on process.

Rachel Naomi Remen