Thursday, April 8, 2010
Good morning, everyone. It's a sunny, warm Thursday. I cannot believe the work week is almost over all ready. So unbelievably fast. I really wanted to take the day off, but my office mate is off this week, and the office is just so peaceful. I've been moving from my classical to my Celtic to my Andes music and really finding peace on the job. It's a struggle when you share an office with someone who is constantly...and I mean constantly...on the phone with personal calls. Sometimes I just leave the office for my own sanity..and to avoid confrontation. I don't handle that very well
I would like to thank everyone of you for your kind words yesterday. I feel like such a baby...letting something like that get to me...but I realize that that was just a trigger. I've been feeling pretty bad about myself lately. As most of you know, I quit smoking 9 months ago...and since that time, I've gone overboard with food. I can't explain it. It's something that happened. I wouldn't even be hungry...yet I would eat...never once thinking of the consequences. I can blame it on my dad's alcoholism. I know better now. I know about addiction. And, while it is true that children of alcoholics and addicts have a greater propensity for addictions themselves, it doesn't have to be that way. Overeating was something I CHOSE to do.
Ironically, I probably would have continued with this addictive behavior had not two things happened. First, I realized that all of this extra weight I am carrying around is now starting to interfere with my health. I become breathless when I climb up the stairs or do anything strenuous. Secondly, I have nothing to wear. I have blouses that were big on me last September that now won't even button. I don't have a scale or access to one; don't think I would get on one even if I did. But, I am guessing that I have gained a minimum of 25 pounds...and that's a only minimum guess ...in the 9 months since I stopped smoking.
(And please, anyone out there who is thinking about quitting smoking, do it. Don't let my weight gain me scare you off. You don't HAVE to do what I did. Quitting smoking will be the best thing you did for yourself)
So, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was once again that sad little girl that didn't fit in. My clothes looked funny on me; they were too tight and the bulge hung out all over...much like the bulge around the waistline that came from rolling up my mom's skirts to make them fit when I was a little girl. So, this wasn't about someone leaving my blog. People have left before. This was about it happening at a time when I was already feeling bad with myself.
I have now begun to my food intake. Lots of veggies, fruits...no more pepsi which had become a new addiction. No more cake, chips; instead, I have a 60 calorie pudding to satisfy that sweet tooth. I know I also need to incorporate exercise...but that one I'll have to take slow. It's been awhile.
If anyone has any tips it would be greatly appreciated.