Thursday, April 8, 2010

Thank you

Good morning, everyone.  It's a sunny, warm Thursday.  I cannot believe the work week is almost over all ready.  So unbelievably fast.  I really wanted to take the day off, but my office mate is off this week, and the office is just so peaceful.  I've been moving from my classical to my Celtic to my Andes music and really finding peace on the job.  It's a struggle when you share an office with someone who is constantly...and I mean constantly...on the phone with personal calls.  Sometimes I just leave the office for my own sanity..and to avoid confrontation.  I don't handle that very well

I would like to thank everyone of you for your kind words yesterday.  I feel like such a baby...letting something like that get to me...but I realize that that was just a trigger.  I've been feeling pretty bad about myself lately.  As most of you know, I quit smoking 9 months ago...and since that time, I've gone overboard with food.  I can't explain it.  It's something that happened.  I wouldn't even be hungry...yet I would eat...never once thinking of the consequences.  I can blame it on my dad's alcoholism.  I know better now.  I know about addiction.  And, while it is true that children of alcoholics and addicts have a greater propensity for addictions themselves, it doesn't have to be that way. Overeating was something I CHOSE to do.

Ironically, I probably would have continued with this addictive behavior had not two things happened.  First, I realized that all of this extra weight I am carrying around is now starting to interfere with my health.  I become breathless when I climb up the stairs or do anything strenuous.  Secondly, I have nothing to wear.  I have blouses that were big on me last September that now won't even button.  I don't have a scale or access to one; don't think I would get on one even if I did.  But, I am guessing that I have gained a minimum of 25 pounds...and that's a only minimum guess the 9 months since I stopped smoking.  

(And please, anyone out there who is thinking about quitting smoking, do it.  Don't let my weight gain  me scare you off.  You don't HAVE to do what I did. Quitting smoking will be the best thing you did for yourself)

So, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was once again that sad little girl that didn't fit in.  My clothes looked funny on me; they were too tight and the bulge hung out all over...much like the bulge around the waistline that came from rolling up my mom's skirts to make them fit when I was a little girl.  So, this wasn't about someone leaving my blog.  People have left before. This was about it happening at a time when I was already feeling bad with myself.

I have now begun to my food intake.  Lots of veggies, more pepsi which had become a new addiction.  No more cake, chips; instead, I have a 60 calorie pudding to satisfy that sweet tooth.  I know I also need to incorporate exercise...but that one I'll have to take slow.  It's been awhile.

If anyone has any tips it would be greatly appreciated. 



  1. One tip I've heard is to snack on celery sticks and carrot sticks as a substitution for your oral fixation on smoking, until that fixation is gone. Yum, yum, eh? Easier said than done, I know! When I quit smoking, I became addicted to Cheezies (a Canadian snack food like Cheetohs that you have in the States). I couldn't get enough of them and quickly gained 10 pounds. Then one day, I opened a bag, took out the first Cheezie, looked at it and thought "If I eat another one of these, I am just going to puke." And that was the end of it -- I simply happened to reach my saturation point! Now if only that would happen with chocolate and sweets and the other bad things I love so much!

  2. Vincent is trying desparately to stop smoking... I am so glad that I have never had to try and do that. I say kudos to you.... I know what you mean about the weight. I hate how when we were young we could eat everything and losing the weight was not as hard... Now as we get older we realize it is not like that anymore... Think we all struggle with it at times... The dropping of soda will do wonders... Soon all the good fresh foods from the farmers market will be available. That always helps me...

  3. Been there, done that! Gave up Cigs just as
    the whole perimenopause began... UUgh!
    Boy can I relate...
    I've had alot going on & couldn't really seem to focus or get motivated...
    Anyway, working on an altar & a class I was
    teaching, I focused on honoring the Goddess 7 the Sacredness of food... Then it hit me...
    So, now I try to conciously plan my food &
    make my mealtime a sacred act whenever possible -- and ya know it isn't always, but
    it's been helping...
    So, Don't sweat it...

  4. Lately i ahve been kind of obsessed with finding the best diet. I am finally ready to visit a nutritionist.
    They say that when a person who suffered from eating disorders diets, is like an alcoholic working in a bar. Dangerous. But i feel confidenty and i believe i am ready. I have gained a lot of weight while battling with my inner demons, but i believe i am in a good place now.
    Whatever you do, do not be to hard on yourself. Every once in a while we need to indulge in some guilty pleasures. We are lucky that nowadays we can lowfat-low calorie anything from mayo to icecream.
    My tips are lots of green tea, cinnamon, lemon verbena and ginger. On the first days try parsley tea and nettle. They are wonderfully diuretic. All of these herbs will help your body to cleanse, except cinnamon(it helps your control your appetite by keeping your serotonin and blood sugar levels balanced).
    If you have an aqua marine rock(aqua beryl to be exact) wear it. It is a great weight loss stone along with rose quartz. Wear them.
    Best days to have a weight loss ritual are when the moon is waxing. Especially New Moon!
    Brightest blessings and good luck *

  5. have you ever tried weight watchers? I did a few years ago when I found that I was over-eating and gaining weight..and a few weeks ago, I realised I was back on the over eating wagon and rejoined..
    drink lots of green tea, it boosts the metabolism and of course water!

  6. I gained some weight when I quit smoking years and years ago, and my feeling was, let me quit this thing, then I can address the way that I'm eating. I reminded myself, I wasn't replacing a toxin with another toxin, I hadn't started doing dangerous things, I just started putting food in my mouth instead of Camels. Once I got the smoking habit out of my system, I moved on the eating part - much easier to focus on one thing at a time! the key was to get the smoking part totally finished.

    I love the little purple pom-poms on your site.

    --amy eden
    PS: I had alcoholic parents, too

  7. If you don't mind calorie counting you could try this site
    i just used the free account and i managed to loose 60 pounds in the last 1 1/2 years. It gave me a good start on portion control and taught me to look a little closer at what i eat. i don't use it anymore but it was a tremendous help in the beginning and very doable because you eat what you are use to but with in reason. Besides that don't beat yourself up , i think as women we put a lot of pressures on ourselves and you quit smocking which is a huge accomplishment. One day at the time , i'm sure you'll figure it out :)

  8. If you drink regular soda(sugar), dropping those will be a big help. I drink a lot of green tea, you get a little caffiene but it is also healthy for you, lots of anti-oxidants. Also, One Day At A Time ;^)> X.

  9. Thank you, for having a [bloggging] place, where you notice what you are being told, by yourself.

    That probably "doesn't compute" but I hope you'll know what I mean. That you listen to your inner self, and gain insight on your life, from what you conclude that your inner self was trying to tell you. I'm "big" on so doing, myself. But not everyone in "Pretty Blog Land" seems to bother with it.

    Or... There I go judging people. Perhaps lots of "PBL" people do listen to their 'insides.' But don't choose to tell, on their blogs. I THANK YOU that you choose to share!!!

    As to the weight loss for health, you have stated the issue, and made some choices. I wish you all sorts of luck with the process. Same as I wish myself. :-)

    Gentle hugs...