Monday, April 26, 2010


Good morning to all of you out there in blogland.  Today is my son's birthday.  My gosh, he is 33.  Where has the time gone?  It feels like just yesterday I was holding him in my arms, and now he is a man.  His birth was one for the history least my book, anyway.  

In the hospital clinic where I was getting my pre-natal care, you were taken care of my midwives...unless you had a difficult pregnancy.  Midwives not only saw you through your nine months of pregnancy, but also through delivery.  Everything was going fine until I hit my 9th month.  The midwife then informed me that she felt two heads...Was I having twins?  I was sent for further tests.  Turns out that my son was breach.  The midwife then referred me to the doctors...who, if the baby was big enough, would be able to turn him for a normal birth.  The midwife told me it should be no problem, that I was having a large baby...but the doctors said 'no'...he was far too small to turn.  So, my darling son came out...butt lie.  He was 8 lb. 3 oz. and 21 inches long...actually large enough to turn, but the 'doctors' had it wrong; the midwife was correct.  

I'd always worried about being a mother.  I was an only child, coming from a small family with no one but my own mother to model my mothering skills on. I felt so vulnerable about my abilities. I did know that I didn't want to repeat the same negative pattern of mothering that my own mother had chosen, but knowing what I wanted and doing it were two separate matters. So, many questions arose.  Was I doing too much for my son or not doing enough?  Was I too strict, or was I too permissive?  Was I allowing him room for growth, or was I smothering him with my protectiveness?  I was so inexperienced. 

But, the fact is, all those worries were for nothing. We do the best we can at the time, and that is all we can do. We are not super heroes...we make mistakes...and we learn to forgive ourselves.  And, I must have a done a good job...My son has grown into such a wonderful, caring man...a man with so much love in his heart for others, for animals, for the world in general.  Through my own process of mothering and making my mistakes, I have learned to forgive my own mother for the mistakes that she made with me.

Happy Birthday, Jerry.


  1. Happy birthday to Jerry... Yea... you just have to love those big babies... my first was 9lbs 9ozs... Felt bad til I found out the lady in the room next to me had one that was 11 lbs 9 ozs... goodness...

  2. And I add my Happy Birthday, to Jerry!!!

  3. Happy Birthday Jerry....

    I too question myself all the time about my Mothering of my only child, and in making mistakes (and doing some good) I've also forgiven my own Mother for things I held onto for so long.

    I love your blog so much. Thank you.

  4. Happy Birthday to your son, and Happy Birth Day to you!

  5. Happy Birthday to your son. I'm sure he is very proud to have you as a mother too!

  6. So sweet! Thanks for sharing. And Happy Birthday to him!

  7. I also learned to come to terms with my issues with my mother through mothering my children. I also learned to cherish myself through cherishing them.
    All three of my babies were in the 8-9 lb range, and delivered by midwives and in home births.

  8. [not sure if my previous comment took.. so here it is again]

    omg. my son who is 35 came out bottom first too!!!!! although he was a tad smaller than your son.. weighing in at a whopping 5lb 14oz..! [but then I remembered that my son didn't actually come bottom first, but feet first!!]

    happy birthday to him and blessings to you for being such a wonderful mother...xoxo

  9. Happy Birthday to Jerry! I loved my midwife for all of but one of my babies. They are wonderful. I would bet that Jerry is as proud of you for his mom as you are to have him for a son. Thanks for sharing such a personal experience. Wishing you a terrific week!