Good morning. It's a very cool day here, feels almost like fall has returned. Actually, what I am posting today was not what I originally planned, but it is something I really have to share. Writing has always been very healing to me and to be honest, this blog has taken a turn from my original intention; it has now become a healing journal and through it, I have met some wonderful new friends...with many of us having so much in common.
"Rejoice in the abundance of being able to awaken each morning and experience a new day. Be glad to be alive, to be healthy, to have friends, to be creative, to be a living example of the joy of living."--Louise L. Hay
It is so sad that many do not feel this way, that many are so disheartened that they believe their only recourse is to take their own life. Yesterday, I was on the subway heading home from work. It had been such a busy day, and I was feeling blessed to have found a seat. I was deeply engrossed in my book on Merlin when we pulled into one of the stations, and the train just sat there. The doors didn't open. The train across from us pulled in, and there were several people on my train who began complaining as the other train pulled out because they had missed their connection. Everyone just wanted to get home.
Then, I glanced out onto the platform, and I saw a woman sitting on the bench, crying. She was wild-eyed as she looked from one side to another. I wondered why. My imagination was now beginning to kick into high gear. Did she lose someone? A romantic partner? A family member? Perhaps a job. What was the origin of this woman's tears. Well, I was soon to find out for it was then that someone on the train said, "Hush, did you hear that?"
The car fell into silence, and we all heard it. No one was complaining anymore as we looked at each other, our faces masked in a shocked expression. Someone was screaming out in pain....and they were under our car. (The hair on my arms is bristling again). Then, the conductor instructed us all to walk through the cars and exit through the rear. My friends, I will NEVER forget those heart-wrenching screams. We were then directed to clear the platform...that those of us who were headed toward Coney Island were to get on the next train pulling in across the platform, go one stop, and then take another train which was headed in the direction of my home. Once on the train, the tears began to flow.
I thought about how much I wanted to get out of here. Too much going on around me...never knowing from one day to the next what was going to happen. From what I understand, the man yesterday had gone onto the tracks himself...and had lain down flat when the train pulled in...which is why he survived. But, there are people out there who push others onto the tracks. "I want to get out of here", I kept repeating as the tears rolled down my cheeks. But then, it hit me. There is no way I can get out of here, and by dwelling on those thoughts, I only bring unhappiness to myself...for setting unreasonable goals sets one up for heartbreak.
The truth is, this city will be my home for at least the next 5 years...It takes money to move...especially from one state to the next...and we just don't have it. We also both have our jobs. I'm 63, it's not so easy for me to go out and find a new one...especially in a whole new state. And then hubby has his doctors. He NEEDS to be here. I NEED to be here. Moving at this time is totally out of the question. Bad things are going to happen wherever you go. That's the way of the world, the way of life. So, as Louise Hay said, I'm going to concentrate on the joy of being alive, of being healthy, of having my friends...in the joy of being. Thank you for letting me share.