A Dream Within a Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

Have you ever had a dream within a dream?  I had one  last night.  It was an extremely vivid dream, one of those dreams that I never forget. In fact, it reminds me of the dream I had over 40 years ago which I can still recall in vivid detail. That was a dream that had a purpose; it was there to save my life. The dream I had last night may not have been a lifesaving one, but I do believe it held a message for me. I just haven't figured that out yet.

But, first, let me tell you about a bit about it. I have no idea of how old I was although the setting and my actions in the dream lead me to believe I was younger. But I also may have been as old as I am now.  I've never believed that age in a dream is important.  It's the content that holds meaning.

Last night's dream began with my looking for someplace to stay. My mom had told me I couldn't come home, and I had nowhere to go. The next thing I knew I was in this place where I was able to rent a room, but had to share it with someone else. Reminded me of either the old Hotel Earle where I stayed when I first moved to New York or the halfway house I worked in.  It wasn't the greatest of places.  It was dark and dingy, but it  was a roof over my head.

My roommate and I got along so well that we decided  to a club together.  There were so many people there.  The music was loud, and everyone was dancing and laughing.  (Now mind you, I was not a club person. I liked to go places where the folk singers performed. )  I not only got very drunk there, but I also met up with the first boyfriend I ever had. My goodness!  I've not thought of Richie for many years.  That was a relationship that I stupidly let go because I want to sow my wild oats.  Richie and his family were farm people, and I had wanted a more exciting life. I wanted to be free like the hippies, so when he offered me my freedom, and I took it. I am not gonna lie. Throughout the years, there have been times I wondered what might have been, but for now,  back to the dream.

As the evening progressed, I began to think that there was a good chance of us getting back together, but he broke my heart and told me that I had made my choice, and he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I start to cry and leave the club. I am crying, and I am lost. I discover that I have lost my pocketbook.  I have lost everything.  My money, my ID.  I don't know what to do, where to go.  I am becoming hysterical as I wander about. The lost money doesn't bother me as much as losing my identification and the hoops I am going to have to jump through to replace it.

Suddenly I awaken. Or at least I believed that I am awake. I am back in the room with my roommate. It doesn't register that I am still in the dream.  I am all upset that  I will have to jump through hoops to get all my ID back again.  Slowly, it occurs to me that it was only a dream; my purse is safe.  Nothing has been lost.  But I want to go back to the club. I want to finish my 'dream' so I will myself back.  I am pushing through the crowd searching for my old boyfriend, but I cannot find him. I begin searching for my purse again, and I stop people asking them if they have seen it.  Of course no one has.  I am now really beginning to panic.

I hear a howling sound in the distance.  It grows louder.  I glance at the clock.  It is 6 am. I am in my bed.  I have slept later than usual. No wonder Miss Minga is howling for me to get up. It becomes clear that my earlier 'wake up' was a 'false awakening'. It had only been part of the dream. 

A dream this vivid is really must have meaning, but I haven't had time to really sit down and decipher it yet. Usually when you lose something in a dream it means you are under some kind of stress in real life.  Does it have to do with retirement?  I love the freedom that comes from retirement, but work has been my entire life.  Without it, I sometimes feel that I have lost my identity. (Not that I would ever return)

Ironically, in my dream many years ago I had lost my ID as well.  Any ideas on what it means?