Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A Dream Within a Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Have you ever had a dream within a dream?  I had one  last night.  It was an extremely vivid dream, one of those dreams that I never forget. In fact, it reminds me of the dream I had over 40 years ago which I can still recall in vivid detail. That was a dream that had a purpose; it was there to save my life. The dream I had last night may not have been a lifesaving one, but I do believe it held a message for me. I just haven't figured that out yet.

But, first, let me tell you about a bit about it. I have no idea of how old I was although the setting and my actions in the dream lead me to believe I was younger. But I also may have been as old as I am now.  I've never believed that age in a dream is important.  It's the content that holds meaning.

Last night's dream began with my looking for someplace to stay. My mom had told me I couldn't come home, and I had nowhere to go. The next thing I knew I was in this place where I was able to rent a room, but had to share it with someone else. Reminded me of either the old Hotel Earle where I stayed when I first moved to New York or the halfway house I worked in.  It wasn't the greatest of places.  It was dark and dingy, but it  was a roof over my head.

My roommate and I got along so well that we decided  to a club together.  There were so many people there.  The music was loud, and everyone was dancing and laughing.  (Now mind you, I was not a club person. I liked to go places where the folk singers performed. )  I not only got very drunk there, but I also met up with the first boyfriend I ever had. My goodness!  I've not thought of Richie for many years.  That was a relationship that I stupidly let go because I want to sow my wild oats.  Richie and his family were farm people, and I had wanted a more exciting life. I wanted to be free like the hippies, so when he offered me my freedom, and I took it. I am not gonna lie. Throughout the years, there have been times I wondered what might have been, but for now,  back to the dream.

As the evening progressed, I began to think that there was a good chance of us getting back together, but he broke my heart and told me that I had made my choice, and he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I start to cry and leave the club. I am crying, and I am lost. I discover that I have lost my pocketbook.  I have lost everything.  My money, my ID.  I don't know what to do, where to go.  I am becoming hysterical as I wander about. The lost money doesn't bother me as much as losing my identification and the hoops I am going to have to jump through to replace it.

Suddenly I awaken. Or at least I believed that I am awake. I am back in the room with my roommate. It doesn't register that I am still in the dream.  I am all upset that  I will have to jump through hoops to get all my ID back again.  Slowly, it occurs to me that it was only a dream; my purse is safe.  Nothing has been lost.  But I want to go back to the club. I want to finish my 'dream' so I will myself back.  I am pushing through the crowd searching for my old boyfriend, but I cannot find him. I begin searching for my purse again, and I stop people asking them if they have seen it.  Of course no one has.  I am now really beginning to panic.

I hear a howling sound in the distance.  It grows louder.  I glance at the clock.  It is 6 am. I am in my bed.  I have slept later than usual. No wonder Miss Minga is howling for me to get up. It becomes clear that my earlier 'wake up' was a 'false awakening'. It had only been part of the dream. 

A dream this vivid is really must have meaning, but I haven't had time to really sit down and decipher it yet. Usually when you lose something in a dream it means you are under some kind of stress in real life.  Does it have to do with retirement?  I love the freedom that comes from retirement, but work has been my entire life.  Without it, I sometimes feel that I have lost my identity. (Not that I would ever return)

Ironically, in my dream many years ago I had lost my ID as well.  Any ideas on what it means?


  1. I'm not very good at interpreting dreams but I would go for the obvious, I guess -- your dream is letting you know you should go on a soul journey to find your true self. The dream within a dream aspect is pretty cool.

  2. Hi Mary! Long time no see! Thank you for your sweet words on my blog. This dream within a dream seems pretty powerful, if puzzling. I think you will figure it out.

  3. Well, losing your ID is obviously about losing your identity in some way. Maybe this part is attached to your retirement and the way your job used to define who you were. Now you are searching for your "new" identity in your new lifestyle and getting upset when you can't find it. (the purse could indicate that you are "missing" the extra money from the job.) I sense a little nostalgia in the club/boyfriend part of the dream, remembering the exciting times of youth and missing some of that, not necessarily the boyfriend, but just the excitement of youth. personally, when I have dreams of people I haven't thought of in a while, I wonder/suspect they could be thinking of me - not necessarily in a romantic or obsessive way, just thoughts floating through the universe and sometimes shared in dreamtime.