Good morning. Well, it is still cold in my office, but at least I am not typing with my coat and gloves on today. My legs are cold, though, and I wish I had a coverlet for them. This is what happens when you work in an old building. Don't you just love these purple butterflies? I know they have absolutely 'nothing' to do with what I plan to say, but I fell in love with their delicate beauty. Also maybe a touch of spring there?....although I don't ever remember seeing a purple butterfly.
Lately, I have been reading a lot of blogs of those in search of a path and stories of those who have already found their path so I decided that maybe it is time that I share my story....a story of a search which took me many, many years....and. oh, so many detours...so many, that it will take me several posts just to get through my story. (Hope I don't bore all of you)
I was baptized an Episcopalian. I remember that mom, not terribly religious herself, would have me attend church and Sunday school on a weekly basis. Now I have to wonder how much of that was mom wanting for her daughter to have a religious background and how much of it was just to put on a show for the neighbors...who, by the way, attended church every weekend...and, as an entire family dressed in their Sunday best......because by the time I reached adolescence, Sunday church services were a thing of the past for me. Mom just didn't seem to care if I went or not. I don't remember much at all about my childhood religious trainings. Ask me what we did in Sunday school, and I wouldn't be able to tell you....but there is one incident that happened during church services sticks in my mind. . One Sunday, as the pastor was giving his weekly sermon, I happened to look down at my lap...and there, bold as can be...sat an enormous bumblebee, the biggest bumblebee my child eyes had ever seen. My breath caught in my throat, and I wanted to scream...but I couldn't. I was in church, and you just didn't scream in church. Tears welled in my eyes and an involuntary shiver overtook my body...as I sat there, too petrified to move ...my eyes glued on the bumblebee. Would he ever leave? Why didn't someone see what was happening and help me? Why me? The entire episode probably only lasted a few minutes before the bee finally flew off, but to a terrified child, it was an eternity. As an adult, I have to question why that one incident is the only memory I have ..and also have to wonder what would make a small child so terrified that she would be afraid to cry out for help.
And so it was that by adolescence, my church going days were over. Oh, I attended the Methodist Church with my friend, Kathleen, and her family a few times, but that soon died out, and I spent most of my teenage years not believing in anything....well, maybe it wasn't that I didn't believe in anything, it was just that teen-age stuff such as school, peers, and such was taking up my time.
I'd say I was about 19 when I first became interested in astrology and the occult. I began studying theosophy and the writings of Alice Bailey, Annie Besant, and H. P. Blavatsky. I was enthralled with the idea that I had lived before and read everything I could get my hands on that had to do with reincarnation. In my early 20's, a friend gave me of a copy of the Satanic Bible....and I never dared to opened it. Why, I was so scared of that book that was even terrified to throw it away lest something bad happen to me. I can't remember now what happened to that book...but I guess I must have just left it there when I moved to New York City. I am a firm believer that nothing 'just' happens so there had to be a reason why I was so afraid of a book.
Ah, New York City!!! What a special place that was for pagans in the late 60's and the 70's!!!! It didn't take me long to discover "Samuel Weiser's Bookstore". There was another one around then, too, but I just can't seem to think of the name of it. Gosh, how I loved going there. I would spend hours...and the people who worked in the stores were always so helpful. I now not only enhanced my study of astrology, but also began the study of numerology and the I Ching. I was also introduced to Edgar Cayce and the Seth Materials. I know you all know of Cayce, but has anyone else here delved into the Seth Materials? In my opinion, Jane Roberts is what Sylvia Browne is today. My favorites were "The Seth Material" and "Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul." (Still have that book after all these years). For those who don't know, Seth was an entity who spoke through the late Jane Roberts, an author and psychic. According to Seth, we are made up of energy and that our thoughts are energy; in essence, we create our own reality. Why I not only bought all the books, but also joined a Seth Study Group. I would highly recommend getting a hold of a copy of "The Seth Materials". Fascinating reading.
In the late 70's and the 80's I found the Rosicrucian Fellowship. I took their course on Esoteric Christian Philosophy and their course on Spiritual Astrology. It was through the Fellowship that I learned to set up a chart....the hard way, not computerized like it is today. I married during this time and gave birth to my eldest son in 1978 and my youngest in 1982 so I was pretty tied up for awhile, and I did return to the church for awhile to expose my sons to religion. (Later, I allowed them to chose their own paths). I continued with my astrology and actually made a little extra cash from doing charts. My marriage was far from a happy one, and I was always under a great deal of stress. In the late 80's, I visited my first psychic and was introduced to the Tarot.
To be continued....