The Healing Begins

May the stars carry your sadness away,

May the flowers fill your heart with beauty,

May hope forever wipe away your tears,

And, above all, may silence make you strong.

--Chief Dan George--

What a lovely blessing!  I'd like to take a few minutes here to thank everyone for their kind words yesterday. It has been a very rough weekend for me. I'm still finding this whole episode so difficult to deal with, to rid myself of this anger,and to be honest, I don't think I ever will, but I do know that talking about it has helped and keeping myself busy will keep me from allowing the anger and resentment to eat away at me.  I don't understand. I'll never understand how one could be so cruel...especially one who professes to be such a God-fearing person...yet, who is not only guilty of the slaughter of innocent animals, but also guilty of propagating bigotry and racism as well...one who feels that hers is the only true faith; hence, she and hers can do whatever they want.  And sadly, they can; nothing will be done about it...legally...because here they far have too much power...and law enforcement is afraid of rioting.

For as long as I can remember, I have had a love for animals. My mom may not have known how to show love to her child, but she love the animals, and I am grateful that she instilled that love in me as well. When I I was a child, I would pick up every stray on the street and bring it home, and mom would help to either find their owners or a new home after nursing them back to health. In the neighborhood where I spent my childhood, there wasn't so many strays, but what there was, I always managed to find.  One day I remember bringing a little kitty home and hiding him in my room.  Mom went ballistic when she found him...not so much because of kitty...but because I had hidden the little creature from her, and he was full of fleas. We ended up keeping him...after a major de-fleaing of both him and my room.    

There are so many things one can learn from animals...from embracing our spirituality to just plain old responsibility. In fact, as far as time goes back animals have been around, humans have embraced them. Even when looking at ancient drawings on walls in caves we find there are always animals drawn onto them along with humans. I know they have taught me how to love and how to be loved....unconditionally. They teach us to relax and slow down and they keep us company. If you just sit back and watch, you can get a glimpse into their mind. They do not take things for granted or stress out about things that are not under their control. They play, love, never seem to get embarrassed no matter who is watching and take it easy.

I miss them dearly, my animal friends. The squirrels, my spoiled little squirrels.  I always kept cans of mixed nuts on hand, and they knew exactly where to come for their treat. They got to know me so well that when I opened the back door, they'd just stay there munching away, holding the nuts with their little paws. How can I ever forget that day when I was pretty much broke and couldn't afford their special nuts, so silly me, I bought a can of peanuts instead...and the little critters refused to eat.  

And mama and her babes...I tried so hard to catch them, but the kittens were already too fast.  So, I fed them, hoping to keep them here where they had shelter, food, and water...but mama had other ideas...just as her mama before her. I know it's their nature to explore, but, by golly, why couldn't they have stayed.  And then there is the big black boy and gray boy...the daddy's of them all.  How beautiful they were!!!  And all the rest who have disappeared throughout the years.  

I've cried...I've written a hate letter, pouring out all of my anger....venting my hatred towards this woman.  I've prayed and lit candles, and I am keeping their memory alive. They had a tough life, but they persevered, and they taught the meaning of strength.  

Yesterday I couldn't stop making trips to the back yard, peering about, hoping....but nothing stirred.  Then, late afternoon I saw it...the unmistakable head of one of the little kittens prancing through the tall grass...and hope once again came alive. Poor little thing was running in a panicked fashion, looking this way and that, obviously frightened up being orphaned and alone.  If I could have climbed the fence and chased after him, I would have, but I did the next best thing, I put some food out, hoping to entice him.  But, alas, this morning the food was left untouched.  Now all I can do is pray.

What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across
the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator 1830 - 1890