Are There Some Things That Cannot Be Forgiven

The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.--Marianne Williamson

Forgiveness is a necessary part of healing a wounded heart. However, many people misunderstand what it means to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean you accept whatever misdeed has happened nor does it mean that you will ever tolerate such behavior again. Forgiveness means that you refuse to let bitter feelings take root inside of you for when bitterness takes root inside of your heart, it is like a slow poison that drains the life out of you, affecting who you are as a person.

Forgiveness is a hard thing to do. I've experienced many times in my life where I needed to be able to forgive to move on...my parents, my ex-husband and his family.  I'm not going to lie, I still carry a lot of feelings around me...many below the surface, but this is not about the past.  This is about NOW.  This is about something I am finding hard to let go of, and wonder if it is even possible to forgive...and I wonder if there are some things you just should not even try to forgive. Do we forgive evil?  Do we even try?

The story I am about to tell you will break your heart; it has broken mine.  I've not even begun to share this tale with you, and already my eyes are watering up with tears. I've thought about whether or not this is fair to even lay this on you, but I really need some advice because I am hurting right now; I'm hurting bad, and I need some help.  Perhaps this is post may not even be about forgiveness; perhaps it is about the healing of just being able to tell someone about the pain I am carrying within. I've tried the past few days to be cheerful...even posted some fun things on the blog, but I realize that was all a cover-up for what I am really feeling.

This  story actually begins about seven years ago.  My cat was an indoor/outdoor cat at the time.  She loved prancing around the yards, harming nothing, but getting to know her territory.  Then, one day I called her for dinner, and she didn't come.  Immediately, I knew something was wrong, and then I saw her.  She was in such bad shape that I had to pick her up and carry her into the house. I nursed her back with strained baby food and pedialyte. It turned out she had been poisoned.  From that day on, she became an indoor cat.  It was much, much later that old man upstairs told me about the woman down the block that poisons the cats, but by then, their house was sold, and the woman was gone.

But Minga was now getting up in years so I still kept her as an indoor cat...and thankfully.  A few weeks back I posted about the poor little squirrel found dead at the foot of my steps.  Well, lately I have noticed there are NO squirrels prancing along the wires.  They've all disappeared.  And I think I also mentioned about Mama Cat and her babies. They, too, have disappeared. The possum is gone and so is the raccoon.  The squirrels, the possum, and the raccoons are what could be called friendly fire, for what I've discovered is that the cat-hating lady never left; she's been there all along.  Well, not exactly her, but a new evil came along to take her place. 

There was quite an uproar Thursday night...about 1:30 in the morning.  It's a Jewish holiday so my neighbors have all been celebrating pretty late into the night.  I was awoken by a lady screaming "They're God's creation; how can you be so inhumane?" Amongst other things, I heard the words cats and poison, and I knew what was going on.  I immediately threw on my robe and went out there to speak my peace.  The police had been called as well as the ASPCA. but the only thing I heard was the woman get a warning, "You can't do that.  You can't poison them."  I didn't sleep a wink after that; hence my day off on Friday. 


So now, my dear friends, when I step out into the backyard, it is so silent; so devoid of life. Even the birds don't even sing anymore. My heart is broken, and I have shed so many tears. Last night I lit a candle and went outdoors to say a prayer, but I haven't been able to let go of this anger; it is eating away at me, and I know I have to find a way to let it go.  Is this person someone who can be forgiven, that even deserves to be forgiven?  Can one forgive evil? Do I pray for her soul, or do continue to live my life filled with all this hate.  I know that is wrong; I have to let go, but right now, I don't know how. I wish I could say that if I forgive, and this pain will go away, but I don't think it is going to be that easy. These are the innocents, the creatures of the earth.I know that parents forgive those who murder their children, but I can't do it.   How do I let let it go?

Thanks for letting me share. I do apologize if I've spoiled anyone's day.  Not my intentions.  I just had to let this go, and hopefully, get some healing.  I've been holding this in since Thursday.  Perhaps this will be my first step to healing.

To hate another is to hate yourself.

We all live within the one Universal Mind.
What we think about another, we think about ourselves.
If you have an enemy, forgive him now.
Let all bitterness and resentment dissolve.
You owe your fellow man love; show him love, not hate.
Show charity and goodwill toward others
and it will return to enhance your own life
in many wonderful ways.
--Brian Adams--