A Sad Anniversary

It was 2 years ago today that I lost my son. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I miss him so much. He had so much to live for. Damn Covid. Just not fair. There are times I can't believe he is gone.

Checking in

 Hi.  It's been awhile.  Longer than I had planned on, but every time I wanted to sit down and type, something came up.  Since I last spoke to you the seasons have changed, and I've grown another year older.  75.  I can't believe it.  Where have all the years gone. 

So, what has been going on.  Well, once again I have taken on more than I can chew.  I'm taking a course which will help me become a Fitness and Nutrition coach.  It's extremely difficult and not quite what I expected, but I'm not about to give up.  I'm also taking a certification course in Relaxation and Stress Reduction.  And third, I am still working on my Holistic Health course.  Right now the subject matter is essential oils.  The thing is, I don't plan on working in any of these fields.  I just like to learn.

Above is a 20 week Tai Chi for arthritis class I am participating in at the center.  I'm in the burgundy sweater in the back.

Not such good news on my latest bloodwork.  I have been diagnosed with Stage 3B kidney disease.  My PC has referred me to a nephrologist, and I will meet with him on April 11th.  Needless to say I have been feeling pretty anxious after finding out and have been spending lots of time doing research.  Even my studies had been put on hold for awhile, but I decided then that I can continue to focus every waking minute on my disease or I can continue to live.  I chose the latter. 

My son and husband really surprised me for my birthday.  Actually, it was the day before.  I was sitting in my rocker quietly watching television when suddenly behind me I heard two male voices singing Happy Birthday.  By golly, I flew out of my chair.  Scared the crap out of me.  Delicious carrot cake that comes from a famous bakery in my son's neighborhood that only makes carrot cakes.  

Well, that's about it for now.  Have to get ready to go to the center.  My jewelry class is today at 10 am.

Monday Morning and I'm Itching to Get Out

Good morning.  What a storm last night!!!  Woke me out of a sound sleep.  Started as snow in early evening, but as the night wore on the temperature went up and it changed to rain.  It was the wind that got me.  50 miles an hour.   The whistling sounded like a major blizzard. Funny thing, ever since that building next door went up, the whistling has been extra loud.  You would think it would block the wind and the cold, but it actually has made it worse.  It's almost as if the wind funnels its way down.

Speaking of that monstrosity next door.  It's not completed yet, and I wonder if it ever will be.  It stands 8 stories tall but the front is not finished nor the inside.  They've had a number of partial stop work orders, and now since December 23rd they've had a full stop work order.  Kind of makes me nervous about something that tall standing next to me having all those safety issues.

This has been the view out of my kitchen window for over a year now.  Wish I could afford to move, but right now that's out of the question.

I'm so excited to get back to the center tomorrow.  I've already laid out my clothes and packed my bag.  When they first re-opened we weren't allowed to bring in any cups from outside, but people were bringing in a thermos filled with water.  So I ordered one from Amazon, stop at the store to have it filled with  iced coffee, and enjoy my drink for the rest of the day. 

We now have a rock painting class at the center.

I am really not very good at it, but I do have fun doing it.  

I know I haven't mentioned my niece/goddaughter who stole my son's money.  Well, I just didn't have it in me to go back and forth to the DA in Queens so she got away with it, but I did turn her into the IRS for stealing his stimulus check.  Never heard what happened about it, but she has since moved to Florida.  I have blocked her on all my sites and my phone, but I understand she still carries on about how good she was to my son.  Yeah, right he paid all her bills and watched her kids.  But enough of that. My stomach tightens when I talk about the evil one.

Christmas, Better Late than Never

Good afternoon.  Great news.  I tested negative this morning.  Whew!!!!  I can finally return to the center next week. I'm really going stir crazy about now.  It's been a long two weeks.  Been missing my peers even though I have seen several of them on zoom.  It's just not the same as being out there and socializing.  Gosh, I am so thrilled.  I was dancing around the room.  Been trying to learn that TikTok challenge dance so that gave me a good chance to practice....with hubby looking at me like I was crazy of course.   

We didn't have our Christmas Eve feast this year.  My son had Omicron and was in quarantine until the 26th. So on Christmas day, hubby and I went to spend some time with Anthony.

It was a dreary gray day, but before we left a miracle happened.  The sun came out so brightly and shined down on his grave.

This was the second time this happened.  The first was on Thanksgiving when my son Jerry and I visited.  I swear the son shined brighter than I had ever seen it, it's rays falling on Ant's grave.   It was blinding.  You couldn't even look in that direction.

I swear that was Ant letting us know he was there.

I didn't want to have the party on Sunday since the next day was an early day for me so we celebrated Christmas and New Year's together.  This year we had an Italian feast:

Caprese Chicken from Pasquale Sciarappa.  So yummy.

Meatballs and sausage with my special sauce.

Shrimp scampi for hubby.

Two pans of baked ziti.

Cheese, crackers and pepperoni.

Buffalo wings.

Chocolate cake for dessert.

My son and I.  I continue shrinking.  Now down to 5'1".  The incredible shrinking woman.

My adult coloring class.  That's me in the dark blue seater.

The center didn't have a Christmas party this year so we had our own in the last class of the year.

Question for you.  I keep getting an add to join the Google Web Creators Community.  What's that?  Has anybody joined?

Please Accept my Apology

 Hi, it's me.  So sorry to have disappeared for so long.  Life just got in the way.  So many things have happened since I was last here.  To begin with, hubby and I are just getting over Covid.  For two years we managed to avoid it, but Omicron caught up with us.  Fortunately, I was just boosted in late November and had a fairly mild case....although Saturday into Sunday was a nightmare...but that seemed to be my peak and each day I've felt better and better.  Hope everyone is doing well as this nightmare continues. 

Last I spoke to you we were getting ready to bury my son.  It was a lovely outdoor service because indoor services were not allowed at the time.  There was only a few of us in attendance due to Covid restrictions, and my son streamed the service for those who could not attend.  

This photo of my son at the grave brings tears to my eyes.  

In June my daughter married an Elvis impersonator she met on some Christian website.  

My son who is ordained married them.

She has become very distant since then along with the rest of the family.  She hasn't called me in over two years and only checked on me twice via Facebook during my battle with Covid.  My grandchildren never even acknowledged that I was sick.  I've been very depressed over the whole thing.  I don't know if you remember how happy and excited I was when we connected with each other again.  I was so looking forward to my second chance, but it seems that they never really meant anything they had said.  I've decided that this year I'm going to move on and they can move on with their lives as they choose.  I can't allow them to hurt me anymore.  

The center offered online zoom classes throughout the year and I found myself busier than I was when it was open.  It  re-opened in September 2021 and up until my Covid bout I have been one of their regulars.  I now teach Jewelry making and run an adult coloring group.  More on this at another time.

This is me now.  I keep my hair very short...wash and wear....and no longer color aside from a silver shampoo.  I've put on a great deal of weight and am now struggling to lose it.  I did re-join Weight Watchers but became very frustrated when I had to pay full price for zoom meetings, plus they keep changing their plans rather than leave well enough alone.

Well, that's about it for now.   I just touched on things here.  More in-depth stuff to come.  I may not post every day, but I will do my best to get a couple days a week in.  

Again I am so sorry if I worried any of you.  

Tuesday Catch Up

Sorry I haven't been checking in, but it's been a hectic week.  That and I am suffering once again from that shoulder pain which kept me from the computer last year.  That's the main reason I haven't been here.  It hurts too much.

On Friday I paid the rest of the money for the funeral.  However,
when the sales rep charged me the rest of the money for Ant's funeral she added in the overtime amount that occurs whenever you hold a funeral service  there after 11:30 on a Saturday. Then when she went to the office they told her, no, that she could not charge the overtime fee ahead of time, that I have to pay that in person on the day of the funeral. So the sales rep then voided the first transaction and charged me again minus the overtime fees. Well, to make a long story short, both are showing up as pending in my bank account. And it's quite a large amount. Must give it a few days to see if it posts (according to TD bank). Otherwise, if I choose to go in before it posts,  I would have to pay $30 for an investigation. If I wait til it posts then it will cost me nothing but the headache. Have to go to the bank anyway on Saturday so I guess I will take care of it then. I mean, do I really need all this extra stress in my life right now? Fortunately I saved the email she sent explaining the mistake and her voiding the charge.  

Picked up my son's ashes on Sunday.  He is home.  Old wounds have re-opened.  I think until I set the urn on the shelf I was able to live in some sort of denial.  This has made it real. I also had the funeral director put some ashes in an urn necklace I bought and two urn crosses--one for my son and the other for the woman my son loved from the time he was five years old.

I am pretty angry with my doctor.  He is refusing to refill my BP medication until I come in for my 6 month check up.  He did give me a 10 day supply and he didn't realize it was early so I still had almost 3 weeks.  I am angry because I told them my son had passed and I was planning the funeral, that I needed some time to grieve, and promised that after the funeral on November 7th, I would make an appointment.  He just doesn't care.  I even got a letter from him in the mail "Please make your appointment ASAP".  I understand my health is important, but aside from HBP and chronic pain, I'm healthy.  This appointment could wait a couple of weeks.  It's all about the money.  Since Covid they haven't been seeing patients, and making money, like they used to.  I just think they are being heartless right now.  Even thought of finding another doctor.

I am continuing with my regular class and taking a few elsewhere.  Dropped out of the writing course because my heart wasn't in it right now.  I couldn't concentrate like they wanted me to.  This week there has been a series of telesummits on FB that I have been attending.  So perfect for the week of Sanhaim--The Samhain Spirit Summit.  It's been great and I am learn quite a bit about folk magic. Yesterday there was talk about Iceland, and I learned things about the Vikings and ancient ancestors that I hadn't know.  

I don't know if I ever mentioned, when people ask me what my ethic background is I always say English, Irish, German, and Dutch.  That is what I believed until I received an update result of my DNA test.  Turns out I am 45 percent England and Western Europe, 30 percent Scottish, 14 percent Germanic Europe, 5 percent Swedish, 3 percent Wales, only 2 percent Irish, and Icelandic.  It was total surprise for me.  Now I am brushing up on Scottish history and foods.

Have a wonderful day.

Tuesday Ramble

There has been so much going on lately.  The funeral, classes, etc.  Last week I was interviewed by the mayor's office.  The center referred me.  I was asked about my involvement with online classes and how they have helped me.  I was also asked my advice on how they can improve.  It seems the city is planning on expanding the services to other centers and hoping to get other seniors involved as well.  The Dept. of Aging wants to give some classes as well.  They were especially interested in the grief class I took and thought it was great that participants came from different parts of the world.  

I was also interviewed by the nurse interns, not once, but twice.  The first time lasted 2 hours.  And then they requested to speak to me again, but I was interviewed by two different nurses the second time.  They have been giving some great classes.  Today will focus on high blood pressure, but it's not looking like I'll make it.  I've not even showered or had breakfast yet. Wish they didn't do it so early.

I found that I missed those city meals even though they weren't the best.  I missed the box of canned goods, cereals and stuff they used to send.  I also missed the chicken.  I used to take the thighs and add some spice and cook them up for hubby.  (I don't like thighs). But I used to like to take the chicken strips and make a nice stir fry out of them.  So I rejoined.  But, what I got has been pretty disappointing.  

This is supposed to be Chicken Ragu, but all I see is egg noodles, a little sauce and mixed veggies.

Chicken Basil Potstickers.  There are only two of them and mixed veggies.  I figured I will stir fry some chicken and broccoli I bought yesterday.  I don't know if I will eat the ragu.  Doesn't even smell appetizing.  And forget the three sandwiches.  I tossed them away.  I mean whoever heard of purple turkey?

This was only my first delivery and I'm signed up for two weeks.  We'll see what the next delivery brings.  I may just end up canceling. 

My son and I decided we want to keep some of Ant's ashes to keep him close to us so I ordered the following:

This is for my son, Jerry.

And this is what I bought for me.  At first I just couldn't bear to think of it, but now I realize that it will be a way to keep him with me always.  

I forgot to mention yesterday.  The plot I bought is for two, so that will be where I am laid to rest as well.   

Thanks everyone for your response to my question yesterday.  Finally got it across to hubby, and he understands.  My son and I are both going to chip in.  One of my friends who knew Anthony from 5 years old is already talking about appetizers for the table.  Well, I looked at the prices.  Not really in my budget.  She and her hubby are invited as well as their daughter who loved and was loved by my son.  They had once made a promise to each other that one day they would be married.