Continuing My Spiritual Journey

So, here I am.  It is now the mid 80's, and I am the mother of two wonderful sons, seemingly stuck in an abusive marriage. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as the physical abuse. All in all, it wasn't a happy time for me, but I had my children, and  I continued on with my Rosicrucian studies.  In time, I completed the entry level courses and moved on to the more advanced.  It was during this time period that my sister-in-law referred me to the psychic.

Now, this psychic was darned good.  Just to let you know HOW good, I will veer off with a little tale.  It was my sister-in-law's friend who first found this guy. She was the mother of two twin boys who loved living in New York. She had no plans on leaving and moving to Florida so when he told her that within a few months she would leave New York, he became a charlaton in her eyes.  But, several months later, her mom had locked herself out of the apartment and asked if the boys help her; they lived next door.  One of the twins climbed out on the fire escape to try to get into his grandmother's apartment, he slipped and fell...nine stories.  The loss of her son was too much for her to bare, and within a few months, she had packed up and moved to Florida.

I am aware that this has nothing to do with  my search for a path, but I wanted you all to understand just WHY  I felt so stricken that day when I left this his office.   The psychic did his readings with the I Ching, the tarot, and his own psychic sensitivities which, by the way, were unbelievably accurate. I don't remember the entire session, but I do know that as soon as he began my reading, he picked up on my situation and did a full reading on my ex-husband.    I can still hear his chilling words today, "There is no way out except by accepting the fact that there is no way out."  The hexigram I had thrown out was:

K'an: The abysmal, dangerous (my ex-husband)

K'en: Keeping still, resting  (no way out)

And whatever the I Ching said, the Tarot spread seconded.  We discussed this for awhile, and I know he saw how unhappy I was, because he spent a lot of energy just trying to put me at ease.  He reminded me that the Tarot spread coincided with K'en, but also offered hope.  Basically what I was being told was...."Bide your time.  Don't make waves.  Now is not the time to make a move."  By then my hour was up, but the psychic had become intrigued with my readings that he  wasn't ready to let go and did a future reading for free.  I am so glad he did this for me, for in this reading, both the Tarot and the I Ching showed that eventually I would 'escape'.  Oh, and before I forget, he saw a Leo entering my life at sometime in the future.  My husband is a Leo. 

When I left his office, I was feeling somewhat depressed because I knew I had to put up with the abuse for awhile longer, but at least I knew now it wouldn't be forever.  I had also gained two new interests--The Tarot and the I Ching, so it  was off to the book store for me.  I bought myself a deck of Tarot cards, a book on learning how to read them, and a copy of  the "I Ching: Book of Changes" by Richard Wilhelm.  If you want to get into the I Ching...and are serious about it....this book is a classic; this is the one to get.  I'll be honest.  I was never able to get into the Tarot cards; I just didn't feel comfortable with them.  It was only recently that I learned it might have been the deck, that you have to have a feeling, a resonation, with your deck.  The I Ching was another story, though.  It was something I began to utilize often....and even today, when I am seeking an answer to something, I will toss he coins.

In the late 80's I came across the Book, "A Garden of Pomegranates: Skrying on the Tree of Life" by Israel Rgardie, and suddenly my search for a path veered off into the fascinating world of Jewish mysticism.  Mysticism and mystical experiences have been a part of Judaism since its earliest days,yet many of the more Orthodox considered it nonsense.  At the heart of Jewish myticism is the Kabbalah, one of the most misunderstood parts of Judaism.  A study of the Kabbalah should be undertaken with extreme caution since there is far too much literature out there that has little or nothing to do with true Jewish mysticism.  ("A Garden of Pomegranates" is highly recommended.)  I would also like to add that studying the Kabbalah is not an easy task to take on alone, so I enrolled in the Kaballah Centre in New York City...which is run by Rabbi Berg who eventually became famous as Madonna's mentor. 

I was several months into my Kabbalah courses when life turned upside down.  I had an offer from my job to work full-time, but my husband refused to help with the boys so I had to turn it down.  We really picked up on our arguing after that, and the the time came that I knew I had to leave.  So, with my boys in tow, I left and went into a shelter for woman who were victims of domestic violence.  I had to let my studies go; setting up a new life for myself and my sons had to be my first priority.

To be continued....