Carlos Castenada

(Any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you.)--Carlos Castaneda

Ah, Carlos Castaneda.  Is there anyone amongst us who has not read at least one of his books?  There was a time that his were the only books I read.  "The Teachings of Don Juan"  "A Separate Reality" "Journey to Ixtlan"
I totally marveled at this man who introduced me to the wonders of Shamanism.  I was actually introduced to his teachings when I first arrived in the city and began spending my days at Washington Square Park.  I made my first "city" friend there, and it was she who handed me "The Teachings of Don Juan" and told me "Read it."  And I did so and was opened up to a new way of seeing things, a new way of believing...and my friend and I spent hours discussing what I had read and what I had learned.  She was such a wonderful teacher...and somehow as life moved on we became separated, and I have never found her since.  Perhaps she had only come into my life for one reason only, to open my mind and my heart.  Will I ever know?  It's been almost forty years now since I last saw her...and somehow, I find myself thinking of her today...and thinking of Castenada who I haven't read in many years.  Perhaps it might be time to pick up him up again. 

It's a lazy Sunday here for me.  I had a miserable night.  I actually had to come to the point of almost sitting up to fall asleep.  I had so much mucous, it was choking me.  But, today I feel as if I am finally on the mend.  But, that means back to work...and that's not something I am looking forward to.  Don't get me wrong.  I love the clients.  There isn't much money in the job, but when you have virtually been able to help someone who had once been in the throes of addiction to turn their life around, it makes it all worth it.  I think what I dislike is that I am the eldest person working there, yet I am the one who has the most work.  Somehow, I've gotten the idea that they should lighten up on me some because of my age, but maybe I am wrong.  I can also blame myself because when you prove yourself to be 'super worker' they expect it from you all the time, but those days are gone, and more often than not, I now find myself physically and emotionally drained when I get home.

And I can easily fall into a rut, and perhaps that is the reason for my complaints today.  I've been housebound for awhile now--except for 30 minutes food shopping yesterday--and am now finding it hard to tear myself away.  I love staying in my jammies, eating when I wish, sleeping when I wish.  And now it's been what?  Since Wednesday that I was able to do whatever my little desired whenever I felt like doing it?  Wonder how I will feel when I DO retire.  It's not like I will have money to travel.  In fact, it looks like, unless I leave the city, I'll just be making it.   Will I still feel this way, or will I then miss the opportunity of getting up, getting dressed, and going out to work.  Oh well, I will never know until the time comes.

Hope you all have a restful Sunday.