Monday Morning This and That

Pay attention to your feelings. They are there to help you; they are your friend. When you feel off, take notice. Gently observe your thinking. Where is it? If your thoughts aren't in the here and now, rather than being hard on yourself, or getting too much into details of your thinking (analysis paralysis!), simply direct your attention back to the moment. Don't allow your thoughts to pull you away from happiness.

Richard Carlson

(Took the above picture on Sunday morning as I made my way to Church.  Would have had more photos, but after this one, my battery was gone.  Forgot to recharge. This is the first I've seen this statue. She stands at the top of the stairs welcoming us.)

Saturday morning I rose early and went to the market.  Spent much of the day cooking and cleaning.  Later, I finished reading "Myth of the Moon Goddess".  I'm telling you, the book was mesmerizing.  I couldn't put it down. I ended up with a sore back from sitting in the same position for so long, and on Friday I even missed my stop when I was going home from work.  Luckily, I looked up in time and got off at the next stop which is in within walking distance of my home.  This weekend I began reading "Priestess of the Forest" by Ellen Everett Hopkins.  She was my friend  Elizabeth's favorite author, and I remember the joy she felt when I surprised her by inviting Ellen to our Yahoo group.  It was not too long afterward that Elizabeth passed, but the group still stands, silent, but Ellen has never left.

I'm not letting Thursday's news get me down. I can't do that.  First of all, a biopsy doesn't necessarily mean they will find cancer...although that is the first thought on our mind when we think 'biopsy'. I cannot let it overwhelm me.  If I do, I am just setting myself up to have a miserable time of it while awaiting the biopsy...which should be done around mid-May after I get authorization from my insurance, medical clearance, and make arrangements for some vacation time. In my eyes, the fact that the doctor is not pushing for an immediate date is a good sign because if he thought it was really bad, he'd get me in there sooner, I guess.    

Speaking of vacation, I also came to a decision over the weekend...this one about a permanent vacation called retirement.  I am not going to wait until July.  I realize now just  how fragile our lives really are, and  I want to start enjoying my life as soon as possible. I've been fifty years in the workforce, and I want some time for me.  Why should wait until July?  For what?  Seriously now,  a 1.1 percent bonus? That's all we are worth?  It would be different if I was throwing away a good some of money, but this bonus won't even add up to $20...and taxes will eat that up.  So, I am really starting the ball rolling now.  Perhaps by the end of May, early June everything will be in place.  I am so excited. 

It's just getting so much worse at work.  Believe me, as much as I complain, I can deal with the paperwork.  It's the clients we have been getting lately.  My boss prides himself on taking the clients no one else wants, and really, this is quite admirable because everyone deserves another chance, but when you start bringing in clients who threaten or are verbally abusive to your workers, that's time to take a step back and re-think your methods.  For instance on Friday, a client came for group, and he was ten minutes late.  He lives in the building, and this is a daily occurrence from him. And when someone arrives late for group, it is disruptive for those who are in group and in the middle of sharing.

So, on Friday, when he arrived late and tried to get into group, my co-worker informed him that he couldn't come in because group had already started.  He immediately took a threatening stance and yelled, "You fat black b..ch, you are not the boss here.  You can't tell me what to do."  And then he went on with a bunch of very derogatory expletives. And this is not knew. We're called all kinds of names by clients who have made to feel entitled and are babied by a boss who is desperate to keep the 'numbers' up.  I chose this career because of my desire to help others, but, I am sorry, this kind of abuse just sickens me, and it's definitely time to get out.  It is not going to get any better.  In fact, it gets worse with each passing day.

I'd like to close today with the following inspirational tale I've often used with those of my clients who continuously rue their 'bad luck'. Of course, they never usually see the part they played in it all. It is always someone else who did them wrong. I've found that this little tale has given some of them food for thought.

'There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

Well, she said, I think I'll braid my hair today. So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

Hmmm, she said, I think I'll part my hair down the middle today. So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.

Well, she said, today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail. So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

Yea! she exclaimed, I don't have to fix my hair today!'

The road you are traveling may be difficult and even heartbreaking. These seasons of life are inevitable. Yet, how we respond makes a tremendous difference. We can ask for God's strength to help us. We can choose the attitudes we live by, even on our darkest day. 

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