Monday Morning This and That

There are things that we never want to let go
of, people we never want to leave behind.
But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end
of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.

Unknown

Spent Saturday doing my food shopping and cooking.  Wow, did I make a lot.  I didn't get done until after 5 pm. For me, I made black bean soup, chili, and beef stew, all low sodium and portioned in single servings.  I did make myself a few meats and put together several meals for hubby, who, by the way, was acting strangely on Sunday.  He was just sitting on the bed with his head down, and when I asked, he said he was just getting some air.  For over an hour?  He scares me when he is like that, and I wish he would talk to me.  I worry that his illness is progressing, and he knows it, but doesn't want to worry me.

Well, just as I had planned, I finished my cooking and then sat down to work on my list of what  stays and what goes. Let's face it, every year at our birthday we celebrate a new beginning, a new year of life, but, for me, this year is special. It is definitely a new beginning as I reach the age of my retirement years. I'm going to do my  best to hang on until July, and barring any medical emergency, I know that I can do it.  We didn't get a raise this year and are not eligible to negotiate until next year...and I definitely don't plan on being there until then.  But, thanks to some union haggling, the company has agreed to pay us a one-time bonus of 10 percent of our salary in July.  I want to be there to get mine.  I definitely earned it. If I leave now, I loose it. And now, for some of the decisions made this weekend (subject to change, of course).

Blogging is definitely here to stay.  I'll never give this up. Yahoo groups will  all be faded out.  But, although I'll not be posting often, and maybe not even at all, on the smoking group, right now it is too hard to let it go completely. I have a bond there. Without the loving support I found there, I probably never would have quit smoking....and who knows what medical issues I'd be going through today. I do plan to stop all the role calls and wasting my time encouraging the newbies to post.  The fact is, if they want to post, they will post.  I cannot force anyone to do something they don't want to do. So, I will definitely back off as the other 'oldsters' have done.

One thing I have decided to give up is purchasing clothing for work. Hubby and I began giving each other money for our birthdays, and to me, a shopping spree with what I consider 'found money' is far more fun than a night out. It's always fun to pick out new outfits to show off at the office, but I won't be needing them anymore. I have enough items to last me until I finally say good-bye to work, but I have absolutely no casual wear. This is because on weekends, I am usually just too darned tired to go any place despite all of my wonderful plans to take my Kindle to the park or head out to Coney Island. But, with retirement right around the corner, I'll have plenty of time to engage in fun leisure activities that I have put aside for so many years.  Heck, I may even by myself a pair of shorts.  Notice, I said 'maybe'.  I've not worn shorts in years. 

Speaking of retirement, a dear blogging friend, Pat, had posted the other day about a new senior center that she was going to go to, and it got me to thinking.  I should look into the centers around here as well. Maybe I will even be able to make some friends.  Although hubby will be a great retirement partner, I know I will be missing the companionship of my co-workers...and perhaps making a few friends at the center will help fill in the gap.  That is, if there are any senior centers left.  I heard on the news that with budget cuts, these will be the first places to go.  Just goes to show how little this country cares about its 'old ones'.  I'm not going to turn this into a rant but, my gosh, these senior centers are probably the only joy the seniors have.  How can it be so easy to take that away?  GRRRR!!!!

And so, that is basically it...for now.  My list is always subject to change, of course. The rest of my list had to do with budget, and although I'll have much less income, I won't be needing as much either. I really think I can do this. Actually, I HAVE to do it.  Can't work forever now, can I?

Well, it's about that time. Here's hoping you all have a super fantastic Monday and a fun-filled week to follow.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,

so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day, ladies. Well, it is not exactly the Mother's Day we celebrate today, but it was on this day many, many years ago that the ancient Romans celebrated what they called the Matronalia, a festival that was always always took place March 1st.  This annual "festival of women" was held in honor of Juno Luciana, goddess who watched over married women, childbirth, and motherhood. As the ideal woman, Juno Luciana was the symbol of the perfect Roman wife and mother.  Hubbies not only  served their women folk at the table, but also presented them presents upon this day...and Roman husbands were also expected to offer prayers for their wives. The Matronalia was a true celebration of women which eventually evolved into our Mother's Day and was shifted to May.

In my book, I think we ladies are deserving of both days. After all, without us, where would our men be?  So, kick off your shoes tonight and let hubby serve the dinner.  I've already told hubby what I want....Dominican style chicken stew.  I absolutely love the way he makes it. And it's not too late for you to make plans. This is your day, ladies.  Enjoy it.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend. May you find peace, love, and happiness awaiting you.

Rain, Rain, and More Rain

And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

Yesterday it was like the sky opened up.  The rain came down in torrents.  Wonderful for the plants that are about to sprout, but not too wonderful when one is trying to get to work.  I ended up getting off at a different stop because that route, although a longer walk, had scaffolding over it.  The rain also didn't do very well by my house.  It seems that a brick outside had loosened up, and rain water had leaked through.  There is a huge crack where it had once been painted so nicely, and my curtain was drenched.  A puddle of water had to be cleaned from the floor, and we had to remove my beautiful dream catcher before it was ruined....all this at 4 am in the morning.  This is the first 'real' emergency that we have had since we moved in here, and I am waiting to see how long it will take someone to get here to repair it.

This has been a rather 'icky' winter, and I find myself waiting patiently for the first buds of spring to break through the ground after winter's slumber. I'd thought this was going to be a wet winter, but instead of snow, we've had lots of that bone-chilling cold rain.  Spring is the time for renewal, a time of fresh hopes, the season of hope and inspiration;and as in all new beginnings, it is a time it is an opportunity for us to let go of thoughts and habits that add unwanted hurt and stress to our lives.  So, this upcoming weekend, after the shopping and cooking are finished, I am planning to dig out my journal and sort through what is working and what is not working in my life, what I have to let go of and what I should keep. 

I've already begun with my new, more health conscious lifestyle...and that is definitely a keeper.  Planning for retirement is also a keeper, but there are some things that take up time in my life that, hard as it may be for me, just have to go.  My smoking cessation group, for one thing. I know.  I spoke of this awhile back, but I really do hate giving up on things that have meaning for me. And then they made me into an owner, but I just can't do it anymore.   No one can say I haven't done my best to keep it going, but it has come to the point that I find myself posting to myself most of the time. Problem is, every time I prepare myself to make my exit, a newbie pops up, and I find myself just 'having' to be there as the welcome wagon.  And then, after my initial 'thanks for the welcome', the newbie disappears into the sunset. It's like a blog you begin and pour your heart into, but no reads it. And unless you have chosen to use this media as your personal journal, time comes when you let it go.

Smoking cessation  and sodium reduction are my two pet projects...for everyone.  I've become the sodium police here at work, and part of me wonders if my co-workers are not getting sick of hearing me point out the dangers in the food they eat. But, high blood pressure is truly the silent killer...and I am proof of that.  Perhaps I am a bit over-zealous, but it is only because I care so much.  And forget smoking, I am always at my clients, educating them on the dangers and the benefits of quitting.  Sometimes I tend to forget how people once did that to me...and how put off I was that someone was trying to 'stop me from something I loved to do.'  Perhaps backing off should also go on my list of things to do.  

Well, now that I've rambled on and bored most of you with my little tidbits of things to do, I'll leave you with the following before I head out to work.

Hope is wishing something would happen. Faith is believing something will happen. Courage is making something happen. 
Author Unknown

The Kaballah Centre

 The obstacles and challenges that appear in our lives are not really our "enemies." In fact, the difficulties we face were created to help us gain strength for the spiritual growth that is the true purpose of our lives.

 Kabbalah Centre

Every once in awhile, you will spotlight quotes made by a special person I admire.  Truth be told, sometimes I just can't think about what to write about.... and by taking advantage of this opportunity, I am gifted with the opportunity to introduce you to  some of my favorite people and places, to those who I may have never met, but touched my life. Karen and Michael Berg are two of those people. I've come to know them through my special interest in the Kabbalah Centre, an organization that teaches the mystical side of Kabbalah. Their teachings help one to feel more balance in your life I have been affiliated with them for several years and have received their newsletters for just as long. 

I first met Michael when I read "The Way: Using the Wisdom of the Kabbalah for Spiritual Transformation and Fulfillment", a delightful book that teaches one how to utilize the Kaballah to improve your life. It was truly a great book for someone new to the Kaballah as I was. His mother, Karen, is the author of "To Be Continued: Reincarnation & the Purpose of Our Lives"a wonderful book that discusses the soul's journey back to the light. 

  The following are some of my favorite quotes by these authors:

"Our past choices determined where we start in this life, but it's our present choices that will determine where we go next." 

 Karen Berg, 

From the Book"To Be Continued: Reincarnation & the Purpose of Our Lives"

"In the quiet of the night, if you listen carefully enough, you might hear the flutter of a wing. Each one of us can learn to hear angels." 

Karen Berg

"When we forgive others for wrongs they have done to us then our negative actions are forgiven as well. In order for this to become our nature we need to practice forgiveness often, knowing that in this way we remove any negative effects of our actions from our lives."

Michael Berg

It’s easy to get stuck in the details of life and to miss the big picture. We perform actions without any regard to their future consequences. As the apple is contained in the seed, every effect that materializes in our lives has its origin in a prior action performed by us. 

Kabbalah Centre

Readings From My Personal 'Book of Wisdom'

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep you life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of. There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them. Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are, and you will also see yourself developing into the person you have always wanted to be. 

Life is a journey through time, filled with may choices; each of us will experience life in our own special way. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be, because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the dreams that you know are meant to come true for you. 

Deanna Beisser

Sometimes when I've nothing to do, I dig out my "Book of Wisdom" and read through it until I find something that catches my eye.   My "Book of Wisdom " is actually a collection of quotes and poems that caught my eye. I've been working on this book for nearly 20 years now, ever since hubby and I met.  Hubby is actually the one who got me started on this little book.  He always wrote down little things that interested him, and seeing this, I decided to give it a try.  I'd always kept a journal and often pull out a year and read.  That's why the above caught my eye last night. 

As I read through my journal, I realized that there have been many days when I awoke with the feeling that things weren't as they should be, and in my life there have been many people who let me down--my parents, my ex husband. And while some of my choices left others shaking their heads,  they were MY choices and MY life's journey. Indeed, I have lived a life filled with challenges, and I am still here to talk about it...because without struggle, there would be no growth. In fact, if problems are viewed as opportunities for growth, they can be much easier to deal with. 

Think of how boring your life would be if everything you ever wanted just fell into your hands.  To be sure, none of us wants to be constantly struggling, but, when you take time to think about it, really think about it, if everything was handed to us on a silver platter, and we never had to face a challenge, how boring life and meaningless would be! 

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." 
Unknown

Monday This and That

I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel.

Audrey Hepburn

As Monday rolls around again, I wonder where this weekend.  I actually did NOTHING this weekend, but accomplished a lot.  Saturday it rained all day, and I stayed nice in comfy in my flannels which happen to be one of my favorite parts of winter.  I love the feeling of them against my skin. I also love hearing the sound of the pouring rain. It gives me such a feeling of peace. I did a lot of reading and exploring.  Went through my herbal books, found a great candle magic spell for healing which I performed late Saturday night, and dug my crystals out and cleansed them. Now they are ready to work their magic.   

I also did a lot of thinking and processing what I had been told.  You are right.  There is no word to focus so much on the 'C' word.  It was the fear talking, that's all.  Today I woke up in a more positive frame of mind. I guess I just needed some time for processing this latest doctor's visit.  To be honest, I'd gone in there scared, yes, but also talked myself into believing that I'd be told it was a mistake, that the lesion had miraculously disappeared, and when that didn't happen, I fell apart. 

The pulmonoloogist has referred me for another Pet scan. I hope it is approved this time.  Last time the insurance company turned me down. "We're sorry, but we cannot approve this test because we have no proof that this person has wide-spread cancer".  How cold and unfeeling is that? Had they approved the Pet scan before, perhaps this nightmare would have been over by now.  At least I would have known what was going on.  And I really believe it is the unknowing that scares one the most.

Tonight we will be celebrating the Full Moon. Actually, it you had been at my job, you would have thought it was on Friday. The clients were all 'feeling their oats'. I could barely hear myself think. This Full Moon is known as the 'Snow Moon' or the 'Full Snow Moon'. Traditionally, February is the time of the coldest temperatures and when the heaviest snow falls. Some tribes used this name for the January moon they called the February Moon the 'Hunger Moon' or 'Full Hunger Moon' due to the challenging hunting conditions. Other names for this Moon are the 'Quickening Moon', for, although the days are still short and cold, new life is beginning to stir. It has also been called the 'Storm Moon' and 'Little Famine Moon'.

This is the perfect time for one to do a spell to help in facing life's challenges. Consider a spell that will focus on helping you accept the challenge and make it through. I plan on performing my usual simplel little ceremony later this eve--candle lighting, calling on the old ones, and prayer. And don't forget. The Moon is in Virgo, meaning that this is a time for all of us to take some time taking care of our needs--physically, emotionally and spiritually.I see this as the perfect Full Moon for me to do some inner work.  Gosh knows, I have my challenges to face.

May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.
Irish Blessing

TGIF

 Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear.

 
Baruch Spinoza

I'd been fully prepared to post when I got home from the doctors yesterday, but needed some time to process the news that I had just been told. Actually, processing consisted of crying my eyes out and going to bed. I usually go in hoping for the best yet preparing for the worst.  This time I was so sure it was going to be nothing but good news so I was totally unprepared for what the doctor had to say. There is good news and bad news. The good news is that my blood pressure has dropped some (144), and I stopped at my doctor's office and had my medication changed.  Hopefully that gosh awful tickle will go away.  The bad news is that there is a second nodule on my lung.  It is actually quite small and the doctor feels it may have been there and hidden by my heart.  My next step is a biopsy.  The good news is that if, and the doctor stressed if, it should prove cancerous the nodules are so small they will be able to remove them with no chemo necessary.  That's the second biopsy I need.  And, I really am afraid, but whatever happens, will happen, and I will have to learn to deal with it. I have faced the "Dark Night of the Soul Before", and I have survived.

 If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.” 

Anthon St. Maarten

It's funny.  I've always been the strong one..or always thought I had to be.  I had to be there for everyone else, and now I don't know how to act. How do I stop putting up that front and admit that I am not as rock solid as the image I project? Hubby's been great and supportive, but I've yet to tell my sons.  They lost both their dad and grandmother to cancer.    Just the word is enough to send them into a tailspin. I wouldn't want that unless I knew for sure. Enough of this morbid talk.  Heck the weekend's here.  It's happy time.

Needless to say, we've some bad weather heading our way this weekend, so I am seeing some much-needed down time headed my way.  I'd been planning on getting out and doing a few chores, but really, none of them are necessary...and, besides, right now I have no money to spend.  It's always been too easy for me to drown my sorrows with shopping, so a cold, rainy weekend is really a blessing in disguise. 

Gosh, is it that time already?  Need to stop rambling and shower and dress and get my butt out of this door.  Talk to you all on Monday.

Wishing you all the best for the upcoming weekend.  May you find nothing but joy and peace on your doorstep.  Love you all.