Blogger Nightmare

It seems that my background has shrunk to the little square you see in the center of my blog.  I see that Blogger has no response, but on the help group, someone reported that it was a Picasso issue and offered a suggestion on how to fix it.  Bear with me, dear friends.  I don't want to have to take my background off, and I don't want to be backed into the corner where I have to use a Blogger image, which, by the way, works.  So bear with me.  May be awhile since we are about to go to the new apartment to do some work.

Christmas Past

Today we had planned  to go to the apartment to put the curtain rods up and hang the curtains, but hubby woke up with a backache,  so we decided to put it off. He wanted to go, but how can you climb up and down a ladder with your back out.  Instead, I went for a much needed trim of my hair (I was beginning to look like a wild woman).  It felt good to have someone taking care of me.  

Afterwards, I went to the 99 cent store and made out like a champ.  We don't have a Dollar store in my area; instead, we have stores where mostly everything is 99 cents.  I got an over the door rack, an over the sink cutting board, can opener, garlic press, toilet brush, two scented candles, hooks for my kitchen utensils, paper towel rack, dish rack, sponges, and two accordion style file folders for my genealogy papers...and all for less than $20.


As usually, I became a bit misty eyed as I began sorting through the birth, marriage, and death certificates, wills, deeds, etc.  My mom was so young, only 20, when she said 'I do' at 7:30 pm on on July 20, 1946, and despite the fact that the marriage turned out to be a sham, she stuck with him until the day he died on July 15, 1989.   I always get a little more emotional at this time of the year.  It was lonely growing up as an only child and even lonelier now that everyone from my family of origin has passed over.  There's not a day goes by that I don't miss them, but around holiday time, it digs a little deeper to the heart.  (Sigh)  But, Christmas past is just that...Christmas past.  So, each year, I remember mourn the loss, and then I move on to Christmas present and the loved ones who gather around me.  And I know that I am blessed. 

 "Each Christmas I remember

The ones of long ago;
I see our mantelpiece adorned
With stockings in a row.

Each Christmas finds me dreaming
Of days that used to be,
When we hid presents here and there,
For all the family.

Each Christmas I remember
The fragrance in the air,
Of roasting turkey and mince pies
And cookies everywhere.

Each Christmas finds me longing
For Christmases now past,
And I am back in childhood
As long as memories last."

- Carice Williams-

Holiday Candles

Is there any amongst us who does not like candles? The beauty of the flickering light, the ambiance.  Candles add warmth and personality to your home, encouraging one to spend more time there.  Candles work on many different sensory levels to calm and refresh.  They do not even have to be lit to impart an atmosphere to the room.

December has long been a celebration of light, and for many of us, candle lighting at this time of year is an important tradition be if for Christmas or  Yule.  Lighting a simple candle can be a good way of starting your Winter Solstice celebration.  Hanukkah, the 8 day Festival of Lights, which commemorates the Maccabees military victory over the Greek Syrians and the re-dedication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem also falls at this time. A sacred light was lighted of oil which had been found in the temple.  It was thought that this light would last only for one day,  but miraculously, it lasted for eight.  Henceforth, each year Jewish people decree that each evening, one additional candle is lit on the Hanukkah menorah. By the last evening, eight lighted candles stand together. 

Traditional Yuletide candles form a kaleidoscope of colors and shapes -- red, white, green and gold; scents include pine, spruce, balsam,  ginger, cinnamon, and, of course, bayberry, which has an interesting history indeed.   According to legend, bayberry candles were the first scented candles made in colonial America. In early American, bayberry trees grew in abundance throughout the east. Colonial women discovered that boiling the berries of the bayberry bush resulted in a sweet smelling wax with a clean burn. Legend has it that the group of women who discovered bayberry wax started the colonial tradition of giving bayberry candles as Christmas gifts.

This bayberry candle comes from a friend
so on Christmas eve burn it down to the end.
For a bayberry candle burned to the socket,
will bring joy to the heart and gold to the pocket.

As folklore goes, To bring good luck for a year, they say, you must burn a Bayberry Candle on Christmas Day. And if the flame burns bright, and the light shines clear, then heaven will bless you all the year. Just be sure no one blows it out because an extinguished candle forebodes bad fortune. Even if you're not superstitious, the bay scent adds a wonderfully subtle aroma to the room.

A Home Song

It's a rainy day here in Brooklyn, so there is not much to do except hang about the house and do some packing and sorting.  I've one closet I haven't even started on yet.  We had planned to go put the curtain rods up and hang the curtains today, but the super is working, and we definitely need a ladder to do so.   We really didn't think about that yesterday, or we would have called and asked him to leave it today.  

Spoke with my landlady yesterday.  I really wasn't going to call her back, but I decided, "Oh, what the heck.  There's only a week to go".  I'm so glad I did because after listening to her rants about the the two sons and their sister, I managed to get her to agree to my leaving my son's bed and the sofa bed rather than tossing them out...which, if you remember was one of my worries.   Actually, as it stands right now, she has decided to let the place go.   According to her, the son is not paying any of the bills, and she is not going to pay everything.  Besides, her health isn't good at this time, and she sees no other way around it.  In time, she may decide to renovate, and, in that case, will have her friend stay there to do all the repairs.  That was my 'cue' to suggest leaving the furniture.  

Now, my only worry is how my 19 year old cat will react.  She was only 4 years old when we moved here, so I guess you can say this is the only home she has known.   Healthwise, she is doing as well as to be expected. She's a touch of arthritis, and her kidneys are beginning to falter, but she eats well and basically does well in all areas except---She's becoming senile, and at times, becomes disoriented.  When she does, she lets out these deep, guttural howls.   I'm not quite sure how she will act in a totally unfamiliar home.  I've been doing my best to brush these thoughts aside, but nagging fears still keep popping up.

I did some thinking last night about my present home.  I've never felt comfortable here, never really felt at home right from day one.  It's been a place to 'hang my hat' so to speak.  The prospect of moving stressed me, but I realize now that it is not because I absolutely 'loved' this place so much that I couldn't bear to leave it. No, it was the fear of the unknown. Yes, there were 'some' good memories that I'd been clinging to, but they were really few and far between.  And, I'd been hearing nightmare stories about the rents here in the city , and I was afraid.  I didn't think we could afford it.   And it was then that I realized that I had NEVER blessed this home or cleansed this home.  All the negativity that was here when we moved in is still here.  and because negative energy feeds off itself, it is stronger now than ever before.  There is a darkness here...and not just from the lack of windows.  Do you know that I find myself tiptoeing about?  It's like I don't feel I belong here anymore...and I don't. 

Shortly after we moved into the home prior to this one, hubby and I had brought in some friends and we had done a thorough cleansing followed by a blessing, and that has 'always' been my favorite place to live. I'd drop everything and move back there at a moment's notice.  And not only because of my magical garden.  There was an aura  there that made you want to kick off your shoes and stay forever.  I think we all have experienced that one special place that we wish we could live in forever, and when things go awry, and we have to move.  This is what I plan to create in my new home...a place where one feels welcome, where one 'wants' to come home.

I read within a poet's book
A word that starred the page:
"Stone walls do not a prison make,
Nor iron bars a cage!"

Yes, that is true; and something more
You'll find, where'er you roam,
That marble floors and gilded walls
Can never make a home.

But every house where Love abides,
And Friendship is a guest,
Is surely home, and home-sweet-home:
For there the heart can rest.

Henry Van Dyke

Blessing the Home

Spent much of my  day at my new apartment.  I love it, absolutely love the challenge of taking this blank slate and making it into a home.  It's so clean, and white, and new, and everything seems to be falling right into place.  Remember how I mentioned I had no counter space?  Well, the super realized that what I had was not enough, so now,  I am getting a new sink with a brown specked formica  counter top with room for my microwave, coffee pot, and chopping.  I will be set on top of 'new' wooden cabinets.  That saves me from spending a small fortune to buy some counter space, but I will still need something to fill up the opposite side of the room. Perhaps a nice utility cart would be nice.  

Today, I blessed my home.  Simple is better for me. It's already spotless, but I gave it a good sweeping to begin.  Then,  I realized that I didn't have anything for a smudging, but I DO have sea salt (an ancient symbol of purification), a white candle, and Holy Water from the Jordan River, a gift that I have treasured for many years.  I love working with the Angels and wanted them to feel welcome, so my house blessing began with the following:

Angels of Hearth and Home,

Bring blessings, ceilings to floors,

Spread your Angelic light,

For only joy behind these doors.

That was followed by a sprinkling some of the sea salt and Holy Water in the four corners of every room, to bless and purify them, while saying:  'With water and salt I bless this house.'

Lastly, I lit the candle:

I dedicate this candle
as a blessing for the space.
Let its light and warmth and pleasant fragrance
extend to every corner of this place.

And, of course, on the way over, I asked hubby to stop at the store to buy a new mop, dustpan and broom.   One thing my grandma taught me was ....Never bring your old house-hold broom with you when you move.

Later we stopped to buy the curtains.   I chose to get earth tones...browns, beige, and orange.   My kitchen curtains are of sunflowers.  The bath, for now, will be done in olive green.  I was pleasantly surprised that 5 sets of curtains, plus rods, plus shower set and bath curtain, rugs, came to less than $100.   Tomorrow I hope to get back over there to start the 'real' work. 

Candlelit Heart

As I was packing today, a touch of Christmas spirit overcame me.  I looked at my tree an ornaments all packed and ready to go to their new home, and I realized.  This is a first for me.  Even in my poorest of days, my place would be decorated and waiting for Christmas by now.  My tree will definitely go up in my new home, but I am not so sure if I will have time for the village.  But, hey, there will be many years to come, and besides,  I have my blog so let me have some fun decorating.

Not feeling up to par anyway.  Woke up with a sinus headache that just doesn't want to go away.  Did some packing, then had to lie down for a bit of rest...but the darned headache was still there when I woke up.  My sinuses always go haywire this time of year.  Heat has newly been turned on and with our lack of windows, there is very little air to circulate.  But, hey, soon that will be a thing of the past...just as my unlit tree. 

I do love the following poem. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

"Somewhere across the winter world tonight
You will be hearing chimes that fill the air;
Christmas extends its all-enfolding light
Across the distance...something we can share.

You will be singing, just the same as I,
These familiar songs we know so well,
And you will see these same stars in your sky
And wish upon that brightest one that fell.

I shall remember you and trim my tree,
One shining star upon the topmost bough;
I will hang wreaths of faith that all may see --
Tonight I glimpse beyond the hear and now. 

 

And all the time that we must be apart
I keep a candle in my heart."

 

-Mary E. Linton-

The Month of December

"I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December
A magical thing
And sweet to remember.

'We are nearer to Spring
Than we were in September,'
I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December." 

- Oliver Herford, I Heard a Bird Sing -

December is the 12th and last month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian Calendars and one of seven months with the length of 31 days. In the Northern half of the world, Winter begins in December, but winter does not begin until the solstice on December 21 or 22, and most of December is usually warmer than other winter months. It takes its name from the Latin word decem, meaning ten for at one time, December was the tenth month according to the oldest Roman calendar. Eventually, in later Roman calendars it became the 12th month. 

This month the Wheel of the Year is turned toward Yuletide at the Winter Solstice. In the Northern Hemisphere, it is the shortest day of the year, but in the Southern Hemisphere, it is the longest day. The term Yuletide stems from the Norse tradition of cutting and burning a huge tree on December 21st to symbolize the Winter Solstice, bring good luck and burn throughout the 12 day winter festival...which we now call 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'. 

On the old Tibetan calendar, December 1st  was the beginning of the new year.  For me, it is the beginning of a new stage of my life.  Today, December 1st, I get the keys to my new home.  For the past few days I have been running color schemes through my head.  In my present home, I really had not much interest.  With no windows, there was not much light, and colors did not much matter.  In fact, the lighting in my home is so poor that I looked down at my feet one day as I was traveling to work and discovered I had one blue shoe on and one black.  I've gone out with a light mauve sweater to discover the necklace I chose was orange. But now, with a houseful of windows, that's a thing of the past. 

And, with that being said, I'll be taking vacation for the next two weeks; hence, my blogging will probably be a bit sporadic.  Today and tomorrow I am trying to complete things here at work.  I dislike going on vacation leaving things undone.  My feeling always has been that if you leave work before you go away, you'll only find double waiting for you upon your return...especially in a job that calls for so much paperwork.     I really do have to knuckle down here at home.  On the 15th I will have to be out of here, and there is still lots of sorting and packing to be done, curtains to buy, accessories.  Oh, so much to do!!!  There is a living room set to be purchased, and  I do have my heart set an old wooden rocker like the one my grandma used to have. I can close my eyes and visualize myself sitting there, next to the windows, rocking back and forth, on a cold winter's night with the snow falling all about. 


Life, indeed, is looking good. I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all a wonderful weekend...just in case I don't get to post tomorrow.  I so appreciate all your support.