Remembering October

October. Already. It's hard to believe, isn't it? This is the time of the year I get melancholy...and more so than at Christmas. There has always been something special about this time of the year...even to a little girl. I was blessed to grow up in such a beautiful countryside....although you couldn't tell that to an 18 year old who was anxious to spread her wings. Now that I have grown old, I realize what I have missed all these years...and long to go back home. I've included some of my memories here...the memories of the little girl me...when all was at peace with the world. Please, bear in mind that I have no pictures of my childhood...only one that I received two years ago from a cousin I met online while doing my genealogy. We'd had a fire when I was about 16 years old, and all of our treasures were destroyed.

The above picture of the beautiful countryside I grew up in.

Trick or Treat. Wow!!! What an exciting time that was for a little girl. Times were different back then. I remember mom would never let me out until dark, and then we were always allowed to go by ourselves because those were the times when children were safe. Dinner was usually such a chore...and mom would make me clean my plate. Then, I would dress in my costume and nag...and nag....and nag. And mom would always say, "Ask me one more time, and your going up to bed instead." But, little girls know different so, of course, I would nag some more....until darkness finally set which meant it was time for "Trick or Treat." Me and my friends would be out for hours...going from house to house. Of course, we had to move swiftly for in those days, there was a 9:30 curfew...and once that whistle blew, everyone under 17 had to be in their homes, or they went for a ride to the police station.

When this time of the year rolls around, I think about what the children today are missing out on. It's not safe to go out after dark anymore, so by the time I arrive home from work the trick or treater's are already back in their homes...so I don't even have the joy of giving out the candy. And, with what people are putting into the candy, children nowadays basically only go to the stores. It's not safe to accept from a stranger anymore. It's just so, so sad.


Another fun part of October was the harvest. Some friends of my parents had a cornfield up in Sussex County, New Jersey, and they used to allow me to come at harvest time...and allowed me to think I was helping out. They really didn't need me, but they knew how much I loved it. When I wasn't helping with the harvest, I was getting lost in the cornfield.

Another yearly favorite. My neighbors always took us to the pumpkin farm to choose our own pumpkins for the festivities. Oh, choices, choices, choices. I wonder now where all of their patience came from. We'd spend what seems like eternity pacing back and forth, admiring the same pumpkins over and over again...until finally we were forced to make our choice. From there, pumpkin in hand, it was off the the roadstand where we'd have a grilled hot dog and a chilled root beer in a mug. Then, on to our homes where we would then proceed to mangle the poor pumpkins we'd spent the whole day searching for.

One of my fondest memories of Autumn was raking up the leaves into a huge pile, then throwing ourselves into them and spraying them all over the ground to be raked up again. Hours were spent engaging in this activity until finally our parents would come out, have us rake the leaves into a pile one more time, and then they would light them on fire. The entire neighborhood would smell of smoke.

The Healing Power of Tears

I cried today...something I haven't done in such a long time, I had forgotten how just how healing tears could be. I remember back with my grandma died...about 40 odd years ago. I was a teenager at the time, and before we went to the funeral, my mom told me "Now don't you dare start crying. You'll get everybody else there going." And I still remember to this day what a struggle it was to sit there, holding in my grief...and I never understood why she wouldn't let me cry. Now, don't get me wrong. I've cried many a time since then. As a matter of fact, there was a time when I was so emotional that I would cry at the drop of a hat...but it took me a long time to feel free about it.

It is a scientific fact that tears shed in grief, anger, and hopeless contain significant toxins whereas tears shed in joy and awe do not. Now, isn't that an interesting fact? These findings show that not only do our tears have the capacity to cleanse our bodies, but also to cleanse our souls. There are times we need "a good cry"...especially when we feel that buildup of energy and intuitively know that our only release can be found in our tears. If we allow ourselves to weep, we will feel refreshed and revitalized.

When you find yourself alone with a few undisturbed minutes, gently place your hands near your heart and breathe in the words, "I love you" and "I long for your healing." And, as you take some deep breaths, give yourself permission to let the tears flow freely if they want to come. It isn't necessary to know what they are about; the important thing is to release them. For years I suffered from unresolved grief over the loss of my grandma, and it wasn't until I entered counseling myself...and was taught how to allow myself to release the grief...that I was able to get over it. I'll never forget my grandma, but I am glad that I was finally able to say my goodbye.

Into the Twilight by W. B. Yeats

Wanted to share something beautiful with you today. Enjoy.

Out-worn heart, in a time out-worn,

Come clear of the nets of wrong and right;
Laugh, heart, again in the grey twilight;
Sigh, heart, again in the dew of the morn.
Your mother Eire is always young,
Dew ever shining and twilight grey;
Through hope fall from you and love decay,
Burning in fires of slanderous tongue.
Come, heart, where hill is heaped upon hill:
For there the mystical brotherhood
Of sun and moon and hollow and wood
And river and stream work out their will;
And God stands winding His lonely horn,
And time and the world are ever in flight;
And love is less kind than the grey twilight,
And hope is less clear than the dew of the morn.
--William Butler Yeats 1902

A Pagan in the House

Today when I was running my M. H. and Early Recovery group, a couple of the clients asked what we do here for Halloween. Before I had a chance to respond, another client jumped in and stated that Halloween was an "evil" day. I tried to explain the true meaning of the holiday in a way they could understand...celebration of the end of summer and beginning of winter....a day to honor our ancestors...that there is nothing evil or bad about the day. Needless to say, almost the entire group was taken up with discussions of witches, ghosts, and goblins. Well, I think...or at least I hope, that I finally got my point across.

Ha! Just another day in the life of a pagan living in the city. Sometimes it is not that easy. Now, this might put my situation into more perspective for you. I am a Druid, a pagan; I live in a primarily Hasidic neighborhood with a few Pentacostals scattered about. My husband is Catholic, my eldest son is a Christian, and my youngest son is an atheist. So, as you can see, I live in a general hodgepodge of beliefs. Actually, it is not really so bad. I respect others, their views and their religions, and I try to be open-minded and to listen and learn. The trick is to stop worrying about what others think about you. If you truly believe in your faith, do you really need others to validate what you do or who you are?

If you don't go out of your way to push or even try to convert others, for the most part I have found that people coming from different backgrounds and upbringings usually will get along. It's when one tries to push their beliefs on others that issues arise. I am tolerant of my son's beliefs just as I wish him to be tolerant of mine. But even he, who has grown up with a pagan mother, has no true understanding what it means.

The trick is to enjoy your life, doing the things that make you feel good without harming yourself or anyone else...living your life to the fullest. Life is too full of beauty to live with regrets. Although I love being a pagan, one thing that I have learned is, you cannot just blurt it out to everyone. You have to think about the consequences. For example, I think today I was able to quell the untruthfulness of some nasty tales about Samhain, but, if my group had known I was a pagan, would they have been so quick to accept what I had to teach? There are a couple people here on my job that know I am a Druid, but that's about it. Some are more open than others.

So, You Say You're Not Superstitious

The four leaf clover is a universally accepted symbol of good luck which is ages old. According to legend, Eve carried a four leaf clover from the Garden of Eden. It was particularly important to the early Celts in Wales as for the, it worked as a charm against evil spirits. Druids held the four leaf clover in high esteem and considered them a sign of luck. One leaf stands for faith, another for hope, the third is for love, and the fourth is for luck. What beautiful symbolism!!!

Superstitions! Like it or not, we all have them. You might say, superstitious? Not me! Not so fast. Read on, my friends. You might be very surprised. Although I try very hard not to be superstitious and have succeeded in putting several of mine behind me--knock on wood--there are some that have been so ingrained in me since childhood...not walking under a ladder...three on a match is bad luck...these will most likely remain with me throughout my lifetime. Obviously silly, where did these superstitions come from? Below are just a few of the traditions we carry with us today.

The Toast
The toast comes from a number of sources, one being the Northern rite called the sumbel or the full. In the full, the group would gather around a table and each person would raise their horn or cup and honor a god, ancestor or make ritual boasts.

Crossing Your Fingers for Luck
Crossing fingers comes from a pre-Christian practice in Europe. Originally it was performed with two people crossing their index fingers in such a way that their fingers formed a solar cross. The solar cross was considere a symbol of perfect unity and at the point of intersection, it was considered that there were beneficial spirits residing there. If a wish were made on the intersecting point of the solar cross then it was anchored there until such time that the wish came true. Gradually the custom evolved until only one person was required to cross their index and middle finger. Today we cross our fingers to get away with telling little white lies.

The Best Man
The Best Man in weddings originated with the Germanic Goths. Around 200 CE it was customary for a man to marry a woman who lived in his town or village. But, if there were a shortage of women, then the man would take a trip to a nearby village and 'steal' a bride. The person he would most likely take along for thi would be, of course, his 'best friend.' During the wedding ceremony, this 'best friend' remained at the groom's side, armed in case the bride's family had ideas of trying to take her back by force.

Carrying the Bride Over the Threshhold
This custom originated as a symbolic act for the above mentioned abducting the bride from which "The Best Man" tradition originated.

The White Flag
The White Flag comes from the Vikings. During a conflict, there were two shields that were kept for signalling. One was a shield painted red which signalled that the hostilities were about to begin. The other was a white shield which signalled for the hostilities to cease so that the leaders could confer about a possible resolution to conflict. From the white shield, it eventually evolved into a white flag.

Unlucky 13
This tradition comes from Scandinavian lore. According to the story, there was a bnaquet in Valhalla in which there were 12 Gods in attendance. Loki entered uninvited, raising the number to 13, and later, Baldor was slain.

Stork Bringing a Baby
This tradition began in Scandinavia. Mothers would tell their young that the new baby was brought by the stork and to explain why the new mother needed rest, they said that the stork bit the mother on the leg while there. The reason the stork was used was that the stork was so affection to its parents that it took care of them in their old age.

Friday the 13th
This tradition most likely began as a Christian attempt to dishonor our great Mother Goddess. It was said that when the Germanic peoples converted to Christianity, Frigga was banished to a mountain top and labeled as a witch. It was said by the Christians that every Friday (Frigga's Day) Frigga would gather 11 other witches and the Devil...making 13...and they would spitefully plan doing things for the following weeks.

Autumn Aromas

Happy Saturday afternoon, everybody. Boy, is it that late already? Why does time seem to fly by faster and faster the older you get?

Well, I am sad to say I didn't make Pagan Pride Day today. I really DID want to get there, to be part of something again, but things don't always go the way we want them to. Now to get there I would have to take the subway to the stop I get off to go to work, then make a transfer and go back downtown. Yesterday as I waited rather 'impatiently' for my train (which, for some reason is always late on Friday), I read a sign that said "No trains stopping at this station from 12 am on 9/26 through 12 am on 9/28. They then go on to tell you that if you need to get off at that station or make a transfer, you must go UPTOWN to take the same train back DOWNTOWN.

Well, that did it for me. There would be no Pagan Pride Day. For those who don't know me, I suffer from fybromyalgia and arthritis of the spine. Every day my trip to work is an adventure. So, it's not something I want to go through on the weekend. I did get out, though. I went to buy myself a pair of shoes. I got what I needed, but I realized that somewhere along the line I stopped enjoying shopping for myself. I guess that's good in a way. I have had enough addictions in my life...I don't need to add shopping as one of them.

It's a beautiful day here...sunny, cool in the lower 60's, with a slight fall breeze. What a wonderful day to be alive. But I noticed that, so far, autumn seems to have forgotten us here in Brooklyn, New York. The flowers are blooming, the trees are just as green as on a mid-summer's day. No matter where I looked, I couldn't find a colored leaf on the ground. Now, how sad is that!!! But, in any case, it's not so hard to bring autumn into your home. Even us city-dwellers can do it.

If you are like me and love the spicy, aromatic scents of autumn, you will be pleased to know that you don't have to spend a fortune; there are many simple and inexpensive ways to fill the home with autumn's crisp aromas. Scented potpourri is available in many of fall's favorites...including cinimmon, apple, and pumpkin scents. Potpourri containers can be placed in full view or hidden in inconspicous places if all you want is the scent.

Air fresheners can be purchased in aerosal sprays, solids, and plug-ins. I'm not as fond of these, but I always keep them on hand. I don't know if it is me or what, but even these sprays that are advertised to last for hours, seem to disappear in a matter of minutes.

I do love my spicy scented candles. I think I had mentioned in an earlier post that I buy up at least a dozen holiday candles to keep year round...expecially in my kitchen. Who can resist the smell of homemade gingerbread cookies or apple pie? And, many a person has been fooled upon entering my home. I do love my apple cider so on the cooler days, it's not uncommon to find some simmering on my stove with some cloves and cinammon sticks.

Well, gotta go. Time to light some candles.

Archetypal Fears

("On this site in 1623 a company of fishermen and and farmers from Dorchester England under the Direction of Rev. John White founded the Massachusetts Bay Colony. Here in 1625 Gov. Roger Conant by wise diplomacy averted bloodshed between contending factions: One led by Miles Standish of Pkymouth, the other by Capt. Hewes. A notable exemplication in the beginnings of New England. Placed by the citizens of Gloucester in 1907.)

When I arrived home last night, I checked my e-mails and found a short note from a cousin, a cousin I have never met personally, but have met through working on our family trees. That's been one of the benefits of keeping my tree public...meeting relatives I never knew existed. I've been in contact with relatives as far away as Britain. It's meant so much to me as I was an only child and am alone now. Our family was small, and I had never been allowed to meet my dad's family. Through genealogy I have not only been able to contact living relatives, but also learn about those who passed before me. I think that is so important for us. How can we possibly know who we are if we don't know where we came from? I finally have a legacy to leave my sons. Her message reminded me that I haven't checked my online tree for quite awhile...not since I started blogging. When I did check, I found a message waiting from a distant relation of one of my Massachusetts ancestors. That, and working on my Druid lesson got me to thinking.

Now, my dad's family are from Norfolk, England, Ireland, and Scotland. They actually didn't arrive here in the states until the late 1800's. Actually, my 2nd great grandmother was the first to arrive. A sad story there. My great-grandfather died of wasting disease in 1891. He was only 21 years old. My great grandmother was only 3 months old at the time. Now, in those days women remarried quickly. They had too. It wasn't like today when women can get out there and support themselves. So, within two years my second great grandmother, Harriet, had remarried, and a year later was the 'first' of her family to leave Norfolk. What a brave woman she was!!! And, if Harriet had not been so brave to pack up and leave her family, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this today. I wouldn't be here...because her daughter, Constance Mary, never would have met my great great grandfather.

Now, I never intended this to be a post on genealogy, but you can see how impassioned I am about it. What I REALLY wanted to talk about was about our own individual and collective fears, fears stemming from the persecutions from the past. My mom's family has been here in the states since the 1600's. I've traced them to the Massachusetts colonies. Many of them were Puritans who, to escape religious persecution, left the only home they ever knew to venture out across the vast ocean to settle in a strange and unfamiliar land. The key words here are to 'escape religious persecution.' Isn't that still happening today? Aren't we still so intolerant of each other that our fears drive a wedge between us that cannot be bridged?

Move forward a few years... to Salem, Massachusetts where a total of 141 people were arrested, 19 were hanged, and one was crushed to death...and all because of fear. One of those who died there was my ancestor, John Proctor of "The Crucible Fame." In general, this holocaust was perpetrated against women who were sought after for their healing, counseling, and midwifery skills....perfectly proper into days world. Embedded in our history are two messages: wisdom is punishable by death, and to be fully empowered is to be life-threateningly vulnerable. So, is it any wonder that we hesitate to tell the world of the path we are chosen? I know that most people here on my job don't know I am a Druid. Some do, yes, and I am most certainly not ashamed of it, but I really even those that know, do not understand...and so, to avoid any perceived persecution or the possibility of my co-workers shunning and not understanding me, I keep it private.

It is a shame that now, 500 some years later, there is still this intolerance. Pagans, witches are still thought of as dark, evil. What the executioners began with their witch trials, we have perpetrated through our unexamined personal and archetypal fears. This is changing, yes, but we still need to transform any ancient fears that continue to lurk in the shadows of our subconscious. Only then, by bringing these fears into the light, where they can be examined for their present day validity, will we be able to transform them.

Sorry, this sure turned to a rant...and I never meant it to be.