Sorting Thoughts on a Cold Winter's Day

Brrr!!!!  It sure is cold outside.  What a day to have the trains delayed for a broken rail, but that is exactly how I started my day.  It was barely 20 degrees when I headed out this morning, and when I got to the train station, I discovered that no trains were running into Manhattan.  Now, you never know how long these things will last, so I decided to stick it out for awhile.  I stuck it out, all right...from 7 am to 8:30 am...on an elevated platform.  Talk about being cold.  Finally, they sent all of us on our way and closed the platform...so I headed on home.  Fixed myself a cup of coffee and sat down to watch some television....and as soon as I took a sip, I heard the train pass by.  Then I went through a few "should I or shouldn't I" moments.  I bundled up, started out the door, then unbundled and sat back down.  Did this a few times until I finally figured, "Oh, what the heck!" and I headed back out.  Truth is, I really didn't want to use up a sick day today.  And you know, I made the right decision.  My boss told me not to even bother changing my time sheet, so they didn't even deduct those two hours I was late.

Today I wanted to talk about New Year's Resolutions.  I have a book which I have kept since 1991.  This book is only for my resolutions.  I dug it out the other day and had a look through it...and you know what I found?  I've made pretty much the same resolutions year after year after  year....Stop smoking...Eat healthier....Lose weight....and on and on... and it never works for me.  Take smoking, for example.  At midnight, I will say "no smoking for me in the new year", and then morning rolls around I am lighting up with my coffee.  And, as the years' end rolls round, there is that big letdown that I didn't accomplish anything that I set out to do.  Well, this  year I am going to do something different.  I'm not going to concentrate on what I want to do in the new year; I am going to look at what I have accomplished in the old year.  And this year I have a lot to be proud of..

First on my list is smoking....not to stop smoking, but to acknowledge that this was the year that I finally did STOP.   July 4, 2009 was my Independence Day, and on January 4th, I will have 6 months smoke free.  You don't know how big that one is for me.  It's the first holiday season in 40 years that I haven't smoked.

I completed my Bardic Course and started on my Ovate.  That's another biggie for me.  Finishing things...especially courses...and even more especially, courses that I don't have to pay for...is not easy for me.  I tend to jump in to something, get bored, and that's the end of that...but this was important to me...and I set my mind to completing, and I did it.

I've learned to budget.  I no longer run off to the stores and spend, spend, spend.  And this started long before hubby lost his job.  I was never content to buy one of anything.  If I bought one nail polish, I had to get two more of a different color.  I bought so many things that I didn't need, so many clothes that were never worn.  I wouldn't call it an addiction; it was more like a compulsion.  I often wondered if it stemmed from my teenage years.  I've worked since I was 16 years old and had to give my parents 3/4 of my salary...leaving me with virtually nothing.  I remember going to high school and not having the nice things that the other kids had.  Now I see it as being materialistic, but back then, it was heartbreaking to a kid.  Or, perhaps my compulsive shopping stemmed from my early days here in the city when I was so poor that I would buy a jar of Ragu sauce and a loaf of bread, and that would be breakfast, lunch, and dinner for days.  Whatever the reason, I can honestly say that those days of needless spending are now over.

I've not only found an outlet for my creativity, but I have met some wonderful new friends while doing it.  I am going into the new year feeling blessed.  I thank you all for your gift of friendship.  Aside from love and health, there is nothing greater in the world.