Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Moving On

We should have no regrets. We
should never look back. The past
is finished. There is nothing to
be gained by going over it.

Rebecca Beard

I played hooky from work yesterday.  It's been a long time since I've done so.  I got up at 5 am, all set to go, then I remembered I had a doctor's appointment at 5 pm.  I usually go in and leave work and hour early, making it up on one of my late days, but yesterday I just didn't have it in me.  It is a long walk from my job to the subway, and then, because of Sandy, the train that stops at the station closest to the hospital is still not running, so it would either be two crowded trains or a long, long walk if I take one train...and it is cold outdoors. They are predicting a touch of snow this morning. 

Well, I came home armed with appointments for doctors, tests, and bloodwork. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed. Have to have a sonogram on my thyroid on December 13th, but everything else is after the holidays--colonoscopy, mammogram, endocrinologist, pulmonologist, and my doctor. I'm glad about that. Another cat scan is due, and I really can't deal with any bad news before the holidays. My blood pressure is still up there 154 over 88 so my medication dosage is raised.  But the good news is, I shed another two pounds.  Before you know it, I'll be looking like a toothpick. Actually, there is still a long way to go before that. 

Later in the day, I actually began regretting my decision.  That's par for the course.  All my life I have been a workaholic, and this taking off for appointments is new to me...so I begin feeling guilty a few hours after my decision is made.  I know there is 'no' reason for these feelings.  After all, it IS my time, and I earned it.  I guess it is just that some feelings are hard to shake.

It made me think about the many years i spent dealing with 'regrets' rather than moving on. Regrets about decisions made, relationships, not taking care of my health.The list goes on and on. Regrets, regrets, and more regrets. It may have taken me a long time, but I finally learned to accept that there are no mistakes in life, only lessons to be learned. As I tell my clients, "A mistake is only a mistake it you keep doing it over and over again."  

My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me,
or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.

Steve Maraboli


  1. Oh, I am just like you - I always feel guilty when I don't go to work. You had every reason to decide to stay home, though. I hope that your health continues to improve and that it can be one less worry and burden for you.

  2. Hi Mary, I thought I would just pop in for a minute to say hello. I left a video playlist to watch and the music is so soothing.

    Left a short blow by blow in the comment section of the videos.

    I hope to be back soon but everything is still very unsettled now.


  3. Glad most of your testing, etc., will not come till January.

    I used to have so many health appointments in Dec. and it kinda' *stunk.* ,-) Somehow, those yearly things, have migrated to another month. :-))))))))))

  4. Yeah, doctors always want SO many tests to be done. It can be constant running around.

  5. (((Be Gentle with Yourself Mary)))

    Try not to worry and leave the rest go Sister Heart! :)


  6. You are doing great, Mary, so keep plugging away! It is nice to be able to wait till after the holidays for all those other things. Enjoy the week!

  7. I really like your saying about repeated mistakes. It's so easy to beat ourselves up with regrets when we can be compassionate with others. I don't blame you about wanting all the medical procedures to happen after the holidays. And good for you losing another 2 lbs.!

  8. Good post Mary I am guilty of beating myself up over things that happened in the past instead of just letting go and realising they are just life lessons

  9. I too am guilty of feeling guilty when I take a day for myself. Not to worry, you needed it!!

  10. I too give myself a GUILT TRIP.
    It's called a CONSCIENCE!