As the Season's Turn

I like spring, but it is too young. I like summer, but it is too proud.

So I like best of all autumn, because its leaves are

a little yellow, its tones mellower, its colors richer, and it is tinged

a little with sorrow. Its golden richness speaks not

of the innocence of spring, nor of the power of summer, but

of the mellowness and kindly wisdom of approaching age.

It knows the limitations of life and is content.

Lin Yutang

I am so thrilled that September is right around the corner. Not only does it signify a much needed long weekend, but to me, Labor Day signifies the unofficial beginning of Autumn, a season which, this year, more than others, will be welcomed with open arms. The heat and humidity has really gotten to me this year, and now that I know that I have Graves Disease, of which intolerance to heat and excessive sweating are two of the symptoms, I understand why I feel so miserable, but it doesn't help me to stop feeling miserable. 

On the negative side, the beginning of Autumn will mean more crowded, noisier trains with less seats as the children return to school, but there is just so much more to love about the season that I can easily accept those little discomforts.  Autumn will always be my favorite time of the year. Although I do love the Spring and the season of rebirth, there is something special to be said about the world as it prepares itself to turn inward for the winter months. I, too, always look forward to this time of turning inward as the days shorten and give way to the longer nights. 

This year, perhaps more than any previous year, will be a time of serious reflection for me as I ponder what direction my life will take. Sadly, just when I thought things were looking better, each day now becomes more and more of a struggle to make it to work. The arthritis in my back continues to deteriorate. Walking has become such a painful affair.  Oddly, though, when not on concrete, I get along very well. I've tried so many different insoles in the hopes of absorbing the shock, but now none seem to work very well. Important decisions must be made as I, just as our Mother Earth, enter into the new phase of my life, the Autumn of my life.  

There is a sadness as one major phase of life draws to a close, and I begin to prepare for a new stage of my life; yet, there an air of excitement as I wonder what is to come. What will I decide to do?  I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't afraid. I'll be letting go of something that spanned 50 years of my life.  As I write this, I feel the tears beginning to well because there is a part of me that really doesn't want it to end, a part of me that wishes it were ten years ago and I still had time, a part of me who fears the unknown, but the only constant in life is change. It is an inevitable reality of life. As children we go to school to learn. As adults, we work, most of us for our entire adult life. And then suddenly the age of retirement is on us, and we find ourselves filled with mixed emotions.  While we may be unhappy with our jobs, it gives us a place to go to.

Keeping this on the "I", I know I am finding it difficult to imagine life without work and the structure it gives me. I know that I've spoken many times of looking forward to this time of my life, and now that it is fastly approaching, to be honest, I don' t even know how I really feel. Before I close, I wanted to shared something I read in the book, Retirement for Workaholics, "Retired is being tired twice, I've thought. First tired of working. Then tired of not."  I guess that really says it all.

"Change is a measure of time and, in the autumn, 

time seems speeded up. What was is not and never 

again will be; what is is change."

- Edwin Teale -