Thursday, June 27, 2013

Thursday Ramblings

The journey through life has many valleys that we can't just skip over, and also
many mountains to climb that we can't just jump over. It is also true that we need
the space and the freedom to make our own mistakes. Trial and error seem to be
the only way we can learn and grow. Life is first and foremost a process.
And this process is a zig-zag process at that.

John Powell
Well, the insurance has approved the procedure, and my lung biopsy is scheduled for July 22nd at 10 am. I'm really feeling anxious about this, but I know this has to be done. I could have waited and had another Cat Scan in six months to see if the nodule grew at all, but I need to know now so if I can begin treatment if necessary. There is a part of me that just wants to make it go away, that wants to wake up and realize that this was all nothing more than a bad dream, but I know that is fantasy thinking on my part. I've always been so darn healthy throughout my life, and I guess I always thought it would remain that way. I never lost that feeling of immortality that we have in our youth.  Well, at least I will have ten free days into my retirement before I have to have it done.  

Yesterday I went to the copy machine, and my boss was there.  He asked if I knew of a good CASAC.  He said, "I just can't find anybody to take your place.  No one can fill your shoes,"  and I swear, it looked as if he was about to cry. I felt very emotional after that.  It's nice to hear things like that, but I also wondered why he had to wait so long to say it.  Why do people wait to say these nice things until it is too late?  For several years now, I have been so unhappy with my job.  I've felt underpaid, overworked, and under-appreciated.  A word of praise during that time period would have gone a long way. Who knows if retirement would have still looked so inviting.

Yesterday was the last day of school here in the city.  I loved seeing the kids celebrating the last day of school before summer vacation.  There was a noticeable excitement in the air as students say good bye to the school year. It brought back memories of my own childhood and rushing out those doors, anxious to begin those lazy, hazy days of summer.  The heat and humidity didn't bother us back then.  We always had the lake, or the hose, or even a summer rainfall to cool us off.  Somehow I think I am going to have much the same feeling when I walk out of these doors on July 12th.  Summer is beginning to look real good. 

Once upon a time, I know not where,
I know not when. A dream, may be,
Out of a pine wood, unaware,
I stepped upon a quiet lea.

And on the quiet meadow I
Saw all around a carpet spread,
Far as the line where land meets sky,
Of motionless blown poppies red.

And on the blood-red carpet lay,
Regarded of a thousand flowers,
A lovely, tired summer day
In first sleep of the sunset hours.

No breath. No sound. A bird in flight
The air of evening scarce does cleave,
I scarcely see his stretched wings smite,
A black line in the fragrant eve.

Once upon a time, I know not when,
Long, long ago. A dream, may be,
But I can see it now as then,
The silent, purple poppy-sea.

Gustav Falke


  1. It's good to have it scheduled. Hugs...

    Oh yes, why do all of us wait too long, to say something nice?

    -gigggles- When you leave the job, for the last time, it will really be like a kid, getting out of school I love it! Hugs...

  2. I believe if I got more praise at the job I work for that I wouldn't feel so terrible having to go to work.

    Looking back, I remember when I was young and in school, and when I was released because of summer, it seemed like those summers lasted a life time. Now, I'm wondering where the time goes.

  3. You're absolutely right about the biopsy, Mary -- it's better to know than to not know.

  4. Congratulations on your retirement! Hope you get to enjoy it in good health and high spirits. Here's a big hug and tons of good vibes.

  5. You're right, this Summer is going to be one of the best one's yet! I think getting the biopsy now will save you a lot of stress even though of course you're naturally experiencing it now. Hooray for Summer.

  6. Its a good thing to know, you are taking care of yourself by getting the biopsy. It will be a monkey off you back.

    Last day of school here for most kids is tomorrow. You can just feel the excitement!

    So true that many bosses never say thanks, good job, you are a good employee, etc. So sad. If I ever get to the top, I am going to make it a priority.