Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Letting Go

To love means not to impose your own powers on your fellow people but offer them your help.   And if they refuse it, to be proud that they can do it on their own strength.

--Elizabeth Kubler Ross--

Another great quote by a great lady. What she says is true, especially when it comes to our children.  Sometimes we love too much and don't want to let go.  It was  hard letting go for me.  My youngest went first.  Always the more independent one, he chose to go.  He's the one who remembers birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, and Thanksgiving, but those are the only times I get to see him.  My eldest, on the other hand, is more family oriented.  In fact, he might even be a bit too family oriented and would have been content to spend his life camping out in my living room.  That's why I had to tell him to go.

Not that I want to.  He was such a great help to me.  No matter what I wanted or needed, he was quick to run for it.  But, spending his life with Mommy was not what he needed.  I saw that he was falling into a rut, and he was never going to find the strength he needed to grow. Believe me, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but it was something that had to be done, if not for my sake, for his. 

Turned out to be the best move I could have made.  If you could only see my eldest now...working a new job, a girlfriend, paying his bills, and saving for  his own place. He's, as they say, living life on life's terms.  My youngest, already in his own place, a good paying job, building his credit, a string of girlfriends. I'd prefer for him to find a good woman and settle down, but it is his life to live. (Sigh)  But, isn't that what life is about?  We bear them, raise them to the best of our abilities, and then, reluctantly,  let them go. The following is one of my all-time favorites.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

On Letting Go

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. 
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off. 
It's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another. 
It's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, 
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, 
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, 
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.



  1. Those kids will always be our babies, no matter how old.

  2. Sounds like they're both doing well on their own!

  3. To see them carry on well, with life... A parent's joy.

    "We may be wrong and we may be right,
    but we're Ewings, we stick together,
    and that's what makes us unbeatable!"

    ~Miss Ellie

  4. I think as a mother the letting go process with our children is a life long process. And with the letting go comes in the letting in balance too. Loved the poem with what "letting go" means, Mary.

  5. Oh yes. Every day I work on letting go and letting God. I think it was your blog that originally led me to that poem, and I read it often. Blessings, Mary, and congratulations on your boys' success in moving on, thanks to you.

  6. When I think of my son as a grown man I sometimes get the sudden urge to move in across the street from him and assume the Marie Barone role from Everybody Loves Raymond.

  7. Hey have posted one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE poems....I have had to read it to myself regards to MY adult children. As an the internet said New Yorker's are expected to live l0 years longer than in l999 because of changes by your health care folks....who knew?? Looks like you might live in a healthy spot.....after all. LOL LOL LOL



  8. It took me time to learn how to let it go with my children.

    Now I got the lesson .

    I got it from my kids