Would you believe it is after 11 am, and I just woke up? That's how burned out I am at this point. I realized it has been over a month since I used a burnout day, and believe me, today's was much needed. Yesterday, two of our ladies got into a fistfight because one claimed the other stole her wallet. Well, ya know what? She did, but I'm getting far too old for the screaming and these physical altercations. Not that I was physically in the fight, but try calming down two ex 'ladies of the street' who are hell bent on kicking the sh.. out of each other. Oh, well, all was not so bad yesterday...
For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson--
...for yesterday was hubby's birthday. He was 56, a few years younger than I. His birthday is always such a special day for us because there was a time that we didn't think he'd live to see another. It is hard to believe that it has been almost twenty years since he lay in that hospital bed, wasting away....so close to death....and as I remember clearly how I stood there, watching as his body withered away, wondering why. Why was this happening to us? We'd had so little time together, and after so many different painful, destructive, and unhappy relationships, I wondered what we had done to deserve this. Oh, I know, the rational part of me said that bad things happen to good people all the time; that I was not being 'picked on'. Pain and sorrow are a part of this world...they help us to grow. But, alas, I wasn't ready.
Everyone except his mother and the sister I get along with told me that I had to accept and to let him go, that I was in denial...and perhaps I might need some counseling,...but something within, that inner voice deep within was telling me, "No, it is not his time. You cannot not let him go." It was then that I decided that I was going to fight back; I wasn't going to let him go, that there WAS hope... and that hope that birthed itself within me, radiated from my body and instilled a new desire for life into him. I will never forget the day that I raced into the room, out of breath because I ran to the hospital, anxious to spend my time with him...every moment was so precious. And, when I stepped into the room, there he was sitting up, looking stronger than he had in days. "I ate today," he said, and I began to cry because only a few days before I had never thought he would eat again...and we were both so grateful that we cried together.
Hope and gratitude...two magnificent feelings that have become illusive to many people. It is always the simple things in life that so difficult for us to do? I mean the small things, like….. being grateful. Is it because it may not really be so simple? I'm sure that, like me, when you were young, you heard your parents say, "be grateful for what you have. There are those in this world that would do anything who are going to bed hungry tonight." And as small children, that was something beyond our understanding for at that time in our lives, our whole world revolved around us. But, the truth be told, being grateful is not so easy. Why? Maybe because it requires us to be happy with what we have been given rather than what we wanted.While there’s life, there’s hope.--Marcus Tullius Cicero--
When you wake up and see the rays of the morning sun beaming through your window, how do you feel? Do you feel grateful for another day, or do you instead focus on the multitude of things you have to accomplish before the sun slips away? It is so easy to forget all we have to be thankful for when life becomes hectic and chaotic. We forget that many of the simple things in life can be reasons for being grateful--our health, family, friends, our livelihood. These are often the things that we tend to take for granted...that is, until they are brought to our attention or taken away.
Remembering to be grateful daily for one's health, family, friends, a job during a recession, having a roof over one's head and food on the table is a good way to start living with gratitude. I've learned a lot over these years in dealing with hubby's illness. Yes, hubby and I still live with the threat of a terminal illness hanging over our heads, and each time I see him 'under the weather' my heart begins to sink, but these years have been a gift, a blessing...something that I will forever cherish.
Outside, the rain sometimes comes down so hard, we have to talk louder, and it feels like a miracle that the roof holds. It makes for a coziness and a gratefulness, too, that you have the choice to not be out in it. You can sit at the table and look out the window and not have to feel what you see.--Elizabeth Berg
What are you grateful for today?
What are you grateful for today?