Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Oh, my, Wednesday already. Can't believe we are already half through the work week. Now, this is too fast for me. Sorry, but time 'really' does have to slow up some; I'm getting confused about what day it is. Why, I am still back in July.
"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."-- Gloria Naylor--
Do you remember awhile back I wrote about an online support group that was really helpful to me when I quit smoking? And how I was feeling poorly because people weren't responding to my posts? Many of you commented that perhaps it was time to move on from there rather than suffer ill feelings. Well, I didn't listen...glutton for punishment that I am. Maybe that's the wrong way of putting it, but I have always been one to hang on to people, places, and things that were not so beneficial to my well-being. Besides, I have always been a caregiver, a people-pleaser. I HAD to be there to welcome all the newcomers. I HAD to be there to get into every conversation and offer my advice. And, believe me, giving back is a part of recovery...giving back what others gave to you...so it wasn't something BAD I wanted to do. I wanted to help. I wanted to tell people how "I" did it, how "I" got over my nicotine addiction.(control)
I just never figured that maybe they didn't need me to do that. Maybe this was THEIR time; maybe they needed a chance to bond together just as I had with the members who were there for me. In my zest to help, I didn't even seem to notice that the others who were there with me had disappeared, that they only popped in once in awhile to say 'hi' or announce their latest milestone. "I" was the only one who was insisting on being there day after day. Finally, I realized it was time to let go. It was one day last week that I went to check messages. The night before had been rather busy, and I had responded to every single message, but you know what? No one had responded to me. I had become invisible. It hurt to the core, and tears welled in my eyes. They're not 'mean' people; they don't realize they are hurting me. It's like I am a college student and they a group of high school freshman, and here I am trying to horn in and be one of the crowd.
I didn't leave the group. No, I want to be there when one of the oldsters comes back and calls out my name in roll call so I can say "Here, and doing well." I want to be there just in case my quit buddy comes back...to let her know it can be done...and best of all, I want the opportunity to go back each year and announce my anniversary. I won't lie to you, though. It hasn't been easy. Since I left I saw many new messages that said, "Hi, I am new." and at first I almost jumped to respond, but now, I let them have their space...and it's getting easier and easier...just like any other addiction you are recovering from. It gets easier as time goes on. I love the following quote. It says it all. Thank you for letting me share today.
"You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind."-- Author Unknown--