Saturday, November 14, 2009

Am I as Wise as She?

Better to be alone than in bad company.--Thomas Fuller

As I enter into the cronehood of my life, I sometimes wonder if I will ever be as wise as the crone who mentored me. My grandmother married at a fairly late age--39--for a woman in her era. So, by the time I was born she was already 66 and a wise old Crone. I spent a lot of time with her and grandpa so I benefitted from her wisdom in ways I never realized until fairly recently when my own aging process began. And every once in awhile, something happens, my feelings get hurt or someone says something critical of something I have done, and suddenly I realize that that little girl is still somewhere inside of me; I am a Maiden, a Mother, and a Crone. And when that little girl, Maiden, part of me appears, it is grandma's wisdom I run to.

Yesterday, that little girl reared her head again, sending me into a tizzy, and as always, grandma was there for me, but not until I had worked myself up over something that wasn't even there....and if it was, it just wasn't worth it, but that's part of the way she taught learn by experience. She never tried to run my life for me, but allowed me to make my mistakes and to learn from them.

A bit about me. I was an only child. Most people think of us only children as spoiled, and usually, as soon as someone hears that I have no siblings it is: "Oh, so you must be spoiled.' Heck, I am guilty of the same thoughts when I meet another only child. Granted, there are spoiled children, but more often than not, we are the ones who are pushed beyond our limits...and we grow up as lonely children. I know I much so that I vowed when I had my son that he would have a brother or sister. I was so lonely when I was growing up that EVERYONE had to be my friend, and I would make sure I did whatever necessary to make sure that they liked me.

So, when this new girl moved into the house right next to my grandparents, I immediately began wooing her, but try as I might, she wanted no part of me. Sometime I would just sit and cry when she shunned my offer of friendship; other times I tried to buy it...with candy and other treats...And grandma sat and watched....until one day when I was about to give my favorite doll to this little girl. It was then that grandma took me by the arm and dragged me into the house...kicking and screaming. And once it was all out of me, she quietly said, "I am sorry that you have been hurt, but this is probably only the first of many times you will be hurt...because not everyone is going to like you, and not everyone is supposed to like you. If you can remember that, you will be blessed...because when you stop wasting your precious time on those who don't want to be your friend, you have that much 'more' time to spend with those who care you."

Wise words indeed!!! I not only remembered them when I raised my boys, but also when the little girl in me appears. I am not going to go into the whole story, but yesterday I came across someone who didn't like me...setting off that old self-defeating belief that everyone has to like me. So, I offered kind words, cookies...sat and pouted, did everything but cry...and she still didn't want to be my friend. And as I was sitting there pouting, I remembered the lesson learned a long, long time ago. She didn't have to like me; it wasn't meant to be. So, instead of wasting anymore time on this person, I instead sat down and wrote a nice long letter to a special friend.


  1. I'm sure that, in the Otherworld, your Grandma is very gratified that you are still benefitting from her wise words of advice! She gave you a great gift, but you are smart enough to accept it!

  2. Yes, at times I can still feel her presence. I was 17 when she died. I'm soon to be 63...and would you believe I still cry for her. She was so special in my life.

  3. I could just hug your grandma for giving you that advice. I wish someone had made me understand that sooner - it would have saved me years of effort wasted on people who weren't worth my energy!

  4. I never had that kind of grandmother (or great grandmother or even mother) and have always been in awe of the wise crone that I missed out on. But now that I'm 50 and entering the Queen stage of life I realize I am becoming that wise woman for my son, my nephew and nieces as well as both my sisters. I may not have had that wise crone in my life, but I know I will be a wise crone someday for my grandchildren.

    Thank you for your lovely post and blessings to you and your grandmother!

  5. BTW, it took me a long time to realize your grandmother's words are true. I stopped wasting time on those who didn't like me for whatever reason and cherish those who love me and are there for me. My friends are among my greatest treasures and a constant reminder of how wonderful people can be. And the heck with the rest of them!

  6. Yaaaaaa you! And be so grateful that you had such a wonderful mentoring grandmother.

    I never knew either of mine, so I have no way of knowing what kind of mentors, they would have been.

    But I'm so glad that you had a gem! And that you had the wisdom to recognize her, as this gem.