Better to be alone than in bad company.--Thomas Fuller
As I enter into the cronehood of my life, I sometimes wonder if I will ever be as wise as the crone who mentored me. My grandmother married at a fairly late age--39--for a woman in her era. So, by the time I was born she was already 66 and a wise old Crone. I spent a lot of time with her and grandpa so I benefitted from her wisdom in ways I never realized until fairly recently when my own aging process began. And every once in awhile, something happens, my feelings get hurt or someone says something critical of something I have done, and suddenly I realize that that little girl is still somewhere inside of me; I am a Maiden, a Mother, and a Crone. And when that little girl, Maiden, part of me appears, it is grandma's wisdom I run to.
Yesterday, that little girl reared her head again, sending me into a tizzy, and as always, grandma was there for me, but not until I had worked myself up over something that wasn't even there....and if it was, it just wasn't worth it, but that's part of the way she taught me...to learn by experience. She never tried to run my life for me, but allowed me to make my mistakes and to learn from them.
A bit about me. I was an only child. Most people think of us only children as spoiled, and usually, as soon as someone hears that I have no siblings it is: "Oh, so you must be spoiled.' Heck, I am guilty of the same thoughts when I meet another only child. Granted, there are spoiled children, but more often than not, we are the ones who are pushed beyond our limits...and we grow up as lonely children. I know I did...so much so that I vowed when I had my son that he would have a brother or sister. I was so lonely when I was growing up that EVERYONE had to be my friend, and I would make sure I did whatever necessary to make sure that they liked me.
So, when this new girl moved into the house right next to my grandparents, I immediately began wooing her, but try as I might, she wanted no part of me. Sometime I would just sit and cry when she shunned my offer of friendship; other times I tried to buy it...with candy and other treats...And grandma sat and watched....until one day when I was about to give my favorite doll to this little girl. It was then that grandma took me by the arm and dragged me into the house...kicking and screaming. And once it was all out of me, she quietly said, "I am sorry that you have been hurt, but this is probably only the first of many times you will be hurt...because not everyone is going to like you, and not everyone is supposed to like you. If you can remember that, you will be blessed...because when you stop wasting your precious time on those who don't want to be your friend, you have that much 'more' time to spend with those who care you."
Wise words indeed!!! I not only remembered them when I raised my boys, but also when the little girl in me appears. I am not going to go into the whole story, but yesterday I came across someone who didn't like me...setting off that old self-defeating belief that everyone has to like me. So, I offered kind words, cookies...sat and pouted, did everything but cry...and she still didn't want to be my friend. And as I was sitting there pouting, I remembered the lesson learned a long, long time ago. She didn't have to like me; it wasn't meant to be. So, instead of wasting anymore time on this person, I instead sat down and wrote a nice long letter to a special friend.