Monday Morning Ramble

Well, another Monday is here.  Another long grueling week ahead, still short staffed and still no perspectives for filling the slot left vacant when my co-workers left weeks ago, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Next Monday is a holiday, Memorial Day, so there's a three-day weekend coming up.  I don't know whether I should sing or dance. Guess I won't do either.  Needless to say, we've been down by three counselors, and with twelve extra groups to cover, it hasn't been an easy time of it, and I will relish that extra day off.

So, how was everyone's weekend?  Mine was quiet, very quiet.  I stayed in all day Saturday and caught up on rest.  I hadn't realized how tired I really was.  Slept until 9:30, got up for a few hours, and by 12 was back in bed.  Slept until 3 pm.  You know, while in the old days, I would have danced circles around all this extra work, I'm not as young as I used to be and the ever ready battery no longer provides the energy that it once did.

Like the star that shines afar,

Without haste and without rest,

Let each one wheel with steady sway

Round the task that rules the day,

And do their best.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We can only do our best, no what we are called upon to do. That's all that any of us can do. We do not have to do all the work; we need only do our share. That's a lesson I learned the hard way.  It seems the more work you do, the more they give you to do, and it becomes a never-ending spiral.  When I left my last job I was paid for 5 weeks of vacation.  I lost 56 hours vacation, 154 hours sick time, and 3 personal days.  And, as I found out later, they were annoyed with me because I was still considered on the payroll for that 5 weeks vacation time, so, due to budget, they couldn't hire anyone in my place. However, they most certainly weren't annoyed when they were draining everything out of me, were they?  No one ever complained when vacations passed me by, or I crawled into work sick as a dog.

Nothing can be more stressful than being a workaholic and sooner than later you will burn out.  In my case, I was a workaholic in the sense that I never took vacations or called out sick, and a perfectionist in a sense that my work had to be error-free. Being a perfectionist uses up endless amounts of time because sometimes I would do the same paperwork over and over again. Oh, and please don't criticize anything I've done. That was a personal affront that brought tears to my eyes. Perfectionists believe they have to be the best in everything they do and resent those who do not appear to be working as hard as they are.

Fortunately, those days are long gone. I've learned that one can demand high standards without being a perfectionist.  I've learned that not everything I do 'has'  to be perfect. I'm allowed to make mistakes. I still have difficulty accepting criticism, but I'm working on it. No one can be perfect—especially on a continuous basis. When I left work this past Friday, my progress notes were left undone, but you know what?  I realize now that I am only human, there is only so much that I can do in a week.  Self has to take priority. And that also means the time off that is allotted me. After all, 'if you don't use it, you lose it'.  

Have any of you seen yourselves in my story? If so, think seriously about how you are living your life. Give yourself permission to make a mistake, and, above all, be sure to take your time. It's yours and you earned it.  Don't give it back to your employers.  They really don't appreciate it.

Yesterday, the weather was simply magnificent, and I did something that I consider amazing.  I actually went out and walked about 10 blocks. This was something I've not been able to do that since my COPD and sciatica began acting up.  It was the first time I had explored that area of my neighborhood, and I found a park, a gigantic fruit stand, and a Rite Aid.  After stopping at the fruit stand, I decided to plow around in Rite Aid, and I am so glad I did.  I bought some incense and some scented candles, one a lovely rose scent which permeated throughout the apartment. Walking was something I really used to enjoy, and hopefully, this will be the start of something good.  

Finally, an update on my window garden.  The first photo is of either my Sweet Peas or Chinese Forget-me-Nots.  I tend to think they are the latter because there were no buds until I planted those seeds.