Overwhelmed and Ranting

Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the

year as you make use of. One person gets only a week’s value out of

a year while another person gets a full year’s value out of a week.

--Charles Richards--

Just feeling overwhelmed and needing a break.  In retrospect, I've done everything right, but it is all turning out wrong.  My stress level is through the roof, and I am at the point where I don't know what to do next.  I'm frustrated with the assistance I am getting from the family.  Hubby is doing his best, yes, and is in charge of repainting the bedroom furniture, which, by the way, looks like brand new.  He's done the bedside tables, the cabinet, and now only has the long dresser to do.  Oh, but I never counted on the mess, the dust from the sanding.  It covers everything.   

I've also run out of space and boxes, so my hands are tied.  I don't drive and cannot get to the store on my own as it is two buses and a train.  So where does hubby go today?  He goes to take his son for a haircut. We've only got 6 days until the move.  The haircut couldn't wait until next weekend?  Does he really have to say 'how high' every time his son tells him to 'jump'?  (But, that's an altogether different rant, and one day I'll get into it).   He'll be gone the entire afternoon.  So what am I to do?   

After a fabulous start of helping me, my son has slowed down to next to nothing. He had thought we were going to get an extra bedroom for him; we tried, but two bedroom apartments were far over our budget.  He's hurting that he will have to make a go of it on his own.   That I understand,  but I believe that everything happens for a reason.   He is 34 years old, and most men his age are on their own.  It's time for him...and he's not going to be out on the street.  He'll say in our living room until after the holidays, and then he is moving in with a friend....but, he won't have mommy to cook for him and iron his clothes when needed.  

So, the other night I am in his room, and I see that he has done nothing, absolutely nothing about packing his things or tossing and sorting.  I'd asked him a long time ago to help me clean out the cupboards and the cabinet the kitchen and all my school papers in his room, and none of it was touched.  When questioned, he said, "I guess I was pretending that this wasn't happening."  Okay, I feel sad, too, but...

...in the meantime, I had two garbage days left before the move.  Now, there is only one.  And, as he rushed along yesterday trying to catch up on all the things he should have been doing a 'month' ago, he did what I consider a 'half-assed' job. I asked him over and over again if those bags were too heavy, and he insisted they were not.  I was such a fool not to make sure...because when I got up this morning, I found a mess on the sidewalk.  Two of the bags that he had 'insisted' were not too heavy had totally ripped open and items were strewn all over the place.  He had sorted NOTHING, just tossed.  Books, clothes, plastics, you name it, all had been shoved into the bags.  I don't know about other states, but here in New York City, we have to sort things.  Not only did I have to go out there early this morning and clean up and rebag (into four bags this time, not two) but, now I can only hope that a $300 fine doesn't show up in my mailbox.

And where is he when all this is going on you may ask?  He went to a friend's birthday party and spent the night.  It seems that no one but me has these worries on their minds.  Am I wrong?  Am I wrong to look about the house and realize, I just don't have time to do all that still needs to be done?  Am I wrong for wanting to do things the right way...and not leave all my junk in the house for the landlady to take care of?  I've also asked him over and over again to call his brother and his friends to see if someone can get hold of a pickup or a van and help me take things to the dump...if we can find one...but he has done nothing.  Now, he calls and tells me his friend is going to come Monday night with his car to help.  HIS CAR!!!  While I do appreciate the gesture, I would like to know how we are going to fit an oversized love seat, cocktail table, wooden kitchen cabinet, computer stand, books, broken stereo system, shredder that just bit the dust, ironing board, old microwave that I asked him to put out months ago,  and whatever else, into a CAR.  Believe me, if any of the stuff was any good, I'd donate it, but it's not even worth that.  

Needless to say, I sat down this morning an had a good cry.  I feel like I am in this alone right now, and I don't think it is very fair.  I'll soon be 65 years old.  It's just too much for me.

I know, moving is always difficult, stressful, and I am trying to be focused on how this time next week, this will all be like a bad nightmare as I settle into my new home.  But, for now, thanks for letting me have this rant.  I needed it.