Saturday, December 10, 2011

Overwhelmed and Ranting

Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the

year as you make use of. One person gets only a week’s value out of

a year while another person gets a full year’s value out of a week.

--Charles Richards--
Just feeling overwhelmed and needing a break.  In retrospect, I've done everything right, but it is all turning out wrong.  My stress level is through the roof, and I am at the point where I don't know what to do next.  I'm frustrated with the assistance I am getting from the family.  Hubby is doing his best, yes, and is in charge of repainting the bedroom furniture, which, by the way, looks like brand new.  He's done the bedside tables, the cabinet, and now only has the long dresser to do.  Oh, but I never counted on the mess, the dust from the sanding.  It covers everything.   

I've also run out of space and boxes, so my hands are tied.  I don't drive and cannot get to the store on my own as it is two buses and a train.  So where does hubby go today?  He goes to take his son for a haircut. We've only got 6 days until the move.  The haircut couldn't wait until next weekend?  Does he really have to say 'how high' every time his son tells him to 'jump'?  (But, that's an altogether different rant, and one day I'll get into it).   He'll be gone the entire afternoon.  So what am I to do?   

After a fabulous start of helping me, my son has slowed down to next to nothing. He had thought we were going to get an extra bedroom for him; we tried, but two bedroom apartments were far over our budget.  He's hurting that he will have to make a go of it on his own.   That I understand,  but I believe that everything happens for a reason.   He is 34 years old, and most men his age are on their own.  It's time for him...and he's not going to be out on the street.  He'll say in our living room until after the holidays, and then he is moving in with a friend....but, he won't have mommy to cook for him and iron his clothes when needed.  

So, the other night I am in his room, and I see that he has done nothing, absolutely nothing about packing his things or tossing and sorting.  I'd asked him a long time ago to help me clean out the cupboards and the cabinet the kitchen and all my school papers in his room, and none of it was touched.  When questioned, he said, "I guess I was pretending that this wasn't happening."  Okay, I feel sad, too, but... the meantime, I had two garbage days left before the move.  Now, there is only one.  And, as he rushed along yesterday trying to catch up on all the things he should have been doing a 'month' ago, he did what I consider a 'half-assed' job. I asked him over and over again if those bags were too heavy, and he insisted they were not.  I was such a fool not to make sure...because when I got up this morning, I found a mess on the sidewalk.  Two of the bags that he had 'insisted' were not too heavy had totally ripped open and items were strewn all over the place.  He had sorted NOTHING, just tossed.  Books, clothes, plastics, you name it, all had been shoved into the bags.  I don't know about other states, but here in New York City, we have to sort things.  Not only did I have to go out there early this morning and clean up and rebag (into four bags this time, not two) but, now I can only hope that a $300 fine doesn't show up in my mailbox.

And where is he when all this is going on you may ask?  He went to a friend's birthday party and spent the night.  It seems that no one but me has these worries on their minds.  Am I wrong?  Am I wrong to look about the house and realize, I just don't have time to do all that still needs to be done?  Am I wrong for wanting to do things the right way...and not leave all my junk in the house for the landlady to take care of?  I've also asked him over and over again to call his brother and his friends to see if someone can get hold of a pickup or a van and help me take things to the dump...if we can find one...but he has done nothing.  Now, he calls and tells me his friend is going to come Monday night with his car to help.  HIS CAR!!!  While I do appreciate the gesture, I would like to know how we are going to fit an oversized love seat, cocktail table, wooden kitchen cabinet, computer stand, books, broken stereo system, shredder that just bit the dust, ironing board, old microwave that I asked him to put out months ago,  and whatever else, into a CAR.  Believe me, if any of the stuff was any good, I'd donate it, but it's not even worth that.  

Needless to say, I sat down this morning an had a good cry.  I feel like I am in this alone right now, and I don't think it is very fair.  I'll soon be 65 years old.  It's just too much for me.

I know, moving is always difficult, stressful, and I am trying to be focused on how this time next week, this will all be like a bad nightmare as I settle into my new home.  But, for now, thanks for letting me have this rant.  I needed it.  


  1. You are surrounded by selfish and un-thoughtful people.

    OK, hubby has been doing a lot of painting. Have to cut him slack, on that.

    But why are you worried about leaving dust from sanding? Your landlord has said she is leaving your apartment, to fall into rack and ruin.

    Also but, how old is hubby's son???? That he as to have his father take him, for a haircut???????

    Your son is another matter, completely. He has done next to nothing, to cut him slack for.

    He is a spoiled 34 year old "brat." Sorry, but... Look at his actions, clearly. No excuse for his actions. Grow up!!! Do your duty to help your Mother. Learn to take responsibility and to take care of yourself.

    OK... I probably over-stepped my bounds. Or I should have said this, in an email. But..... I AM ONLY ON YOUR SIDE. And this is how I felt.

    -sigh- -sigh- -sigh- It is frustrating!!!!!!

    Gentle hugs...

  2. oh my god. I am 12 years younger than you and I swore after the last move it IS the last move. It's so very exhausting....and I had help. I can't believe your son did that to you. Well, I think that at his age, he should be moving out - he's lived at home way too long so I wouldn't feel bad about it at all if I were you. I just wonder if he really will move in with a friend or will he think he's going to live in your living room? I feel so bad for you. Try to hang in there.

    Maybe it's time for a family meeting???

  3. Mary, it is easy for me to sit at my computer and say this BUT: Rant at them. You need to let off steam and tell your son, especially, to stop acting like a baby, and man up!! He is obviously used to having his way, and having you cater to him, so naturally he is going to push the limit. From what you have written, I have to agree with Aine about the issue of him actually moving out after Christmas. I feel terrible that you had to clean up his sloppy job out on the street! So take a deep breath and tell these men in your life that Enough is Enough, and you expect them to get MOVING!!! You can do this! Don't risk physical injury doing stuff that a 34 year old man should be doing! And don't back down and give in, either! There! now I have ranted with you and hope you will take what your friends are saying in the spirit it is intended. In love and concern!! Hugs!

  4. I think you should hire your own guy with a truck. Don't rely on your son. Sounds like he's being passive aggressive.

    I hope things all come together for you in time.

  5. Don't blame you for being pissed, i would be too...i hope everybody gets their act together. Moving is a real pain, that's for sure...big hugs.

  6. You've hit the nail on the head! OVERWHELMED is the Key Word here. As in....the two of us.
    For what it'sa worth Mary....we have both dome TOO MUCH for our kids and they expect us to continue. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
    Find your voice and ...get it all out there. Vent, rant and rave if only to the four walls my friend.

  7. It's time for Junior to step up to the plate.
    He probably thinks if he doddles enough, you
    will do it for him...

    Let him play his little games, Mary. Just move out and leave him to his tasks. Eventually he will
    have to do it himself.

    Time to learn to fly cause winter is coming and he is going to be on his own very shortly.

    He is far too old to be playing little games.
    This is likely what he has always done only this time do NOT clean up his mess for him, just carry on and ignore him.

    He is capable of pulling his own weight, believe me.

    good luck

  8. You need to realize that nagging him will not help...he's still a boy in a man's body because someone has always taken care of him and he's not had to be responsible for himself...don't say any more to him and let him pay the fine...just move your stuff and let the landlady bill him for the problem if he does not get his stuff out ... or just throw his stuff out and don't worry about it that way...don't let him frustrate you this way...he's a man, let him act like one and take responsibility for himself...he should be taking care of you...

  9. Amen to all of the above. I've moved just before Christmas (when I was MUCH, much younger!) and it is so hard to do, because you want Christmas in the new house but here's all the stuff that needs packing, the same stuff that will need unpacking in the new house, and the only person who seems to care is YOU! Time to sit down with your men and tell them how it makes you feel, what you need them to do, and give them deadlines. I believe in miracles too, but you gotta do the footwork.