Friday, September 10, 2010

Backstabbers...a Bit of a Rant...Sorry


Got back from my walk yesterday and laid down for most of the afternoon. (Chuckle)  How long it has been since I had any meaningful exercise! I felt good though.  Now, if I can just find a way to fit more walks into my schedule. Actually, I am planning another walk today...albeit a shorter one.  I forgot a few items yesterday, and was going to ask my son to go to CVS for me, but heck, it's another lovely day, so why not go myself. 

As I was lying in bed, I was thinking that my vacation is almost over , and  I don't WANT to go back to work.  I REALLY do not want to go back, and that is so sad because there was a time when I used to look forward to going back after vacation.  Don't give me wrong, I love my clients and absolutely LOVE what I do, but some of the policies at the workplace are not conducive to client nor staff and create an atmosphere where clients feel that THEY are in control of staff, a lack of boundaries which makes it difficult to accomplish any meaningful goals.  But, it is more than that; my son actually brought it to light yesterday when he spoke to me about his own job.


He's back from his trip to Michigan, and last night was his first day back to work.  Like me, this was a place he really loved working and never missed a day in three years...quite an accomplishment, but it seems that once his supervisor left, things there have been changing, and he was really dreading his return.  "Mommy," he said, "they're such backstabbers.  They smile in your face and talk rubbish about you behind your back."  And there it was in a nutshell...backstabbers, gossipers..."If they are gossiping about everyone else, what must they be saying about me?"  That is something I've thought to myself many times.  Why is it like that?  And are all offices like that, or do I just happen to choose those offices where jealousies and office gossip run rampant?  

(What they do!)
(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)
(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)

Backstabbing has many levels, all the way from kids on the playground  to those who work at the corporate level where virtual backstabbing is almost as much of a fine art as plunging a real knife in the back of an unsuspecting co-worker.  In fact, backstabbing at the office is a real issue nowadays and happens more often than not.  Oh, there was always the gossiper at work, but now it seems like EVERYONE gets involved.  Myself, I choose to stay away from it as much as possible; in fact, I usually have my lunch at my desk, and if pressured to go to the lunchroom, I make up a story that I am waiting for an important phone call from hubby or my son, and since they all know I don't have a cell phone, it usually works....and it's not a lie, altogether.  Actually, I never know when one of them might call.  It's just so much more relaxing to put my headphones on and listen to some Celtic music than hearing six grown women gang up on one unsuspecting co-worker. But sometimes, it can be so hard to avoid.  Take the following, for example.


I get up to go to the ladies' room.  As I pass the nurse's door, she sees me and calls me in.  Now, I respond only because she is the nurse, and it could be work related, having something to do with one of my clients, but then she smiles and says, "Close the door", and immediately I know what is coming...."have you heard what so and so did?" and proceed to tell me all about something that is none of my business knowing...and it is not just her.  On Thursdays, a co-worker and I leave work at the same time, and both head to Brooklyn.  She is pretty easy to handle, though; as soon as she starts, I change the subject, and she gets the picture. Even my bosses have been known to participate in the office chatter.

I am tired of being asked, "She took off again?  Why?"  How do I know.  I am not my office mate's keeper....or, "He is late all the time, and nothing is ever done about it."  Yes, it irks me, too, but it doesn't help to gossip about it.  "She's going on another vacation?  How many vacations does she get a year?"  The same as you and I...only difference is, she takes them, we don't 

Unfortunately, gossip always has been and always will be a part of office life. It is only natural what we humans take an interest in one another; it is a part of human nature. Gossip is only harmful when friendly interest becomes nasty, intrusive, malicious and speculative, and there are many reasons why people gossip. Some people enjoy the attention that being constantly “in the know” brings them (the nurse) while others revel in the pleasure that having the latest juicy morsel brings them. Some people do not mean to gossip, they just get caught up in it (our office manager).  Some gossipers are verbal bullies (my office mate) while some gossip just because everyone else gossips about them (my subway companion).

Like I said, I know if they are talking about everyone else, they MUST be talking about me as well...so what I do with office gossip is to ignore it.  I don't get involved unless I am cornered, and when I am, I do my best to change the subject...thereby alerting them that I don't want to hear it. If they persist, I just excuse myself and tell them I am overwhelmed with work and must get on with it. No one at work knows any of my personal business, so there is nothing for them to take and run with.  I don't socialize outside of office hours.  Office gossip is something that cannot be eliminated, and I try hard not to let it make me feel uncomfortable, but I know how my son is feeling right know.  It makes you not want to go back, but the fact is, it's a part of life, and one we have to live with whether we want to or not.  We just have to avoid and ignore it.

I wish they'd take some of these knives off my back
(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)
Low down... dirty...
(What they do!)
(They smile in your face)
Smiling faces... smiling faces sometimes tell lies (Back stabbers)
(They smile in your face)
I don't need... low down, dirty bastards (Back stabbers)


8 comments:

  1. Just reading this made my skin crawl, remembering! My last 'butt job' ended in 2002 and I was thrilled, although I forced a little quaver into my voice when they told me I was laid off (along with about 30 others).

    I HATED the politics of my various jobs and usually was the last to know any gossip because I never participated in it. It is far more tiring than any of the work involved, I believe. No wonder you so badly needed this vacation. Wish you could take another week and truly rejuvenate.

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  2. Something tells me you are like I was.
    You don't think that work can get by without you, don't you?
    Mary, take some days off every now & then for your own health.
    Work will be there when you are long gone.
    Maybe management will wake up & smell the coffee when fewer hands are there & they get harried.
    I was a mutterer. When I needed five hands to answer phone calls & all the other front desk resposibilities & saw a co-worker off to the side reading a magazine..........My mouth would be forming the words, but the sound wasn't coming out above a whisper.
    "It must be efffin nice to have nothing else to do."
    Trust me...it helped my sanity.
    Might be good for you too. :0)
    Do hope you are more rested heading back.
    (((hugs)))

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  3. that is why i dislike reality shows like survivor, big brother etc. where you get rewarded for lying, cheating and backstabbing. I don't see any good in it but it is almost made acceptabe.I usually tried to stay out of the fray but i know it can be hard sometimes.

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  4. You know Mary...I always say if there talkin' bout me then they are leaving someone else alone!
    The little minds of little people Dear One!
    I know it doesn't make it easier but I see you being the Wise Crone in all of this!!!
    Be good to yourself and as your Dear Friend above said..take some time now and then to just rest and replenish...
    Walking with you Sister Love!
    xoxoxo

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  5. I can only imagine what you must go thru working in that type of environment. It's very sad that in the type of work you do, if your coworkers are discussing each other then what about the clients? Do they discuss the business of those who come to them? It doesn't seem ethical to me in any sense.

    I see it at the school my children attend. What they call teacher workshops I call teacher gossip sessions about the students. Not usually the nicely dressed, cute little thing with a LAST name if you get my drift. But more like the student that has a little rougher time learning and probably on the homefront as well. It actually infuriates me and I could go on and on about people who do such things. Imagine --Grown ass adults gossiping about children.

    Hoping you have a beautiful weekend and do not think too much about going back to work. It's not going anywhere. Blessings-Angie

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  6. Wonder if it's helpful to both you and your son, to KNOW what's going on. To see it clearly.

    But nothing helps the fact that you don't want to return. -sigh-

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  7. That type of environment is horrible. But it's not just you, I promise that! EVERYWHERE I've ever worked does the same thing. I've always thought if you spent as much doing your own job instead of worrying what I'm doing we'd get much more accomplished! Yeah, it this kind of crap that had me forced out of my job! Now the evil worthless culprit...well, he's gone and not coming back. Thanks you big jerk! Would have been nice if someone would have come to me first! But then again, I wasn't given a reason to "either be fired or you can resign"....nice. LOL I fully understand you not wanting to go back. My thoughts are with you!

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  8. I think there are people out there that thrive on gossip. Gossip is never good, it always hurts someone. I refuse to listen to it, let them talk about me, maybe they will leave someone else alone. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they spent all of that time working and getting things done? You know the things they are paid to be doing? I can't blame you for not wanting to go back! No one wants to work with such petty people.

    (((HUGS)))

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