Sunday, September 5, 2010


We do not see things as they are.
We see them as we are.

~ The Talmud ~

Well, today I can honestly say that my vacation has finally begun.  Yesterday was a day filled with shopping and cooking...but is a different story.  Today is a day of rest...and I plan to take full advantage of it.  Already I have slept until 9:30 am; it's been so long that I've done that that I cannot even remember the last time it was.

There is one bit of work that I do plan to do in this upcoming week is to start getting some of the fall clothes ready and packing the ones from summer that I know will not be worn again this year...and sorting those that I haven't worn for years.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I have clothing that I love, clothing that I have never been able to part in a size 10....and I am a size 2X. It's been many a year since I was able to squeeze into those size 10's, yet, in the hopes that I will lose SO much that I will be able to wear them again (I know, irrational thinking), I dig them out, only to pack them away. 

Is it really the clothes I love so much?  Or is it the fact that they represent what I once was?  Am I that unhappy with who I am?  This year, I have decided to let them go...once and for all. I've grown this year, and not all of it has to do with weight.  I've grown inside, in my soul.  I have to learn how to accept that life is a series of changes...both inside and out.  Our hair turns gray and our faces wrinkle....and our weight usually increases.  And this is something that we all must learn to accept.

Don't believe what your eyes are telling you.
All they show is limitation.
Look with your understanding,
find out what you already know,
and you'll see the way to fly.
--Richard Bach--
(from 'Johnathan Livingstone Seagull') ~ 

Self-acceptance.  Many of us look into the mirror and find that we do not like what we see. So, we battle constantly with ourselves as we try to alter who we really are.  And the media doesn't help with its images of so-called perfection that we are constantly exposed to on television and in books and magazines; it's no wonder we are sometimes left with such feelings of imperfection that we make ourselves unhappy by striving for that outer beauty that may  never be.  And, while we may gain by self-improvement in certain ways, we forget that the basic core of self is perfectly fine, the true beauty comes from within.

To judge ourselves so harshly or to dismiss our importance is to deny the happiness that is inherently ours.  Just as we cannot draw water from a rock, we cannot obtain true happiness when we do not like who we are. And when we do not like who we are, we continuously belittle ourselves and reject ourselves, creating an environment that mirrors all of our negative thoughts rather than enhances and helps us to achieve the positive, self-enhancing life we so desperately want.
Sure, I'll admit it.  For many years I was that person, but I have come to realize that time passes so quickly, and so much of it can be wasted if we are always worried about what we see when we look into the mirror...our outer shell, nothing more, for that is all it is.  It's not really who we are.  I have learned that whatever you have right now, accept it. That is who you are, who your were meant to be. With the wisdom of age I have realized that it is what is inside that truly counts. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and those who have beauty in their soul, will see more beauty in the world around them.  I choose to see the beauty all around me.

The best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen nor touched
but are felt in the heart.
--Helen Keller--


  1. Darned if I haven't done the same thing.
    What is it with size 10??
    Mine are in the attic...behind lord knows how many other boxes of unknowns.
    Truth be known, I wear 1x's and 2x's.
    Will never see a size 10 again, but when I get serious...key word is serious...I will shed a few pounds for my health. :0)
    If I ever get to the area they are in, on a not too hot or not too cold day...I will toss em.

  2. I can not put in words how you have made me feel and how much connected i felt with you while reading this post. Yesterday, while Petros was holding me in his arms and while he was telling me he loves me, i was thinking: Thank Goddess because right now i do n't think i can. so, much pain for stupid reasons!
    I saw a picture of myself a year ago and i hated this image. I realised later it was n't the picture i hated but the fact there is n't much difference with me now. I used to be so thin. And i used food to find comfort(it never really helped).
    I am trying so hard to return home, but then a picture comes and it kills me. All the effort(i have lost more than 40 pounds) becomes meaningless. I hear in my head all the logical things that tell me i should accept me and love me for what i am. And that i am the best version of me i can be in the moment, but somehow those arguments can not reach my soul.
    So, reading this particular post was like a big intercontinental hug. Thank you and be blessed!

  3. Well I know this Mary...this sharing was beautiful and so are you! I identify with everything you just wrote! All year I've been shedding things in my home and wardrobe what no longer serves me to make space for the new coming in and it is freeing...I've a ways to go yet but as I embrace it the load feels lighter to be sure!
    I'll be there with you whispering in your ear...are you sure you want to keep that? Ha Ha Ha...
    Walking with you Sister/Friend!

  4. Yeah, I just got rid of a few outfits in July that I was also clinging to beyond all reason! It's kind of a relief not to see them hanging in my closet anymore!

  5. I still have clothes in my closet that are 4-5 sizes too small for me. What's worse is I used to buy clothes that were too small as an attempt to use them as motivation for me to lose the weight and fit into them again. Bad idea. B/c every time I opened my closet and realized "i have nothing to wear" i'd get really upset/sad/frustrated and go binge (i figured "why the hell not? i'm not losing any weight anyway" or "who am i kidding? i'll be this fat blob forever, might as well eat like one.") now i buy clothes that fit me as i am but i do it sparingly b/c i am actually losing weight as we speak but it wasn't until i started accepting/loving myself for the size i was/am that i was able to stay motivated enough to keep exercising/dieting.

  6. I went through this a few years back, cleaned out my closet and drawers. It wasn't even clothes that I couldn't wear, there were suits and jackets that I knew I was never going to wear again, yet had been hanging in the closet for many years. After I had cleaned the closet and drawers, I moved on to the kitchen and the rest of the house. So much "stuff" that hadn't seen day light in years. I plan on doing it again this week. Wishing you a wonderful vacation to do as you wish!


  7. So glad your much needed vacation has really kicked in!!!