Looking Forward

One way can be learned by starting to see the magic in everything. Sometimes
it seems to be hiding but it is always there. The more we can see the magic
in one thing, a tiny flower, a mango, someone we love, then the more we
are able to see the magic in everything and in everyone.
Where does the mango stop and the sky begin?

Joshua Kadison

Wondering if anyone has a recommendation for an online store where I can get hold of candles and other ritual supplies...at a reasonable price.  I recently completed an order at Amazon for candles and oracle cards, but the order, originally $28,  turned into $49 when shipping charges were added.  Imagine that.  $21 for shipping.  That's because, as I discovered, Amazon ships from different stores, and my order was being shipped from four different places.  Hence, I was to pay shipping charges from each place. Needless to say, I immediately cancelled it. I'm not paying that kind of money for 26 small candles, oracle cards, a Moon energy crystal with pouch, and a box of Precious Rose incense.

One of the things I want to do when I retire is to spend a bit more time on enhancing my magic skills, especially candle magic. I always have scented candles burning in my home and often use them for prayer and ritual, but I want to learn so much more about using them.  When I come home from work every evening I barely have the energy to eat my dinner, let alone work on magic skills. Taking a day off here and there just doesn't cut it.  But soon, I will be free to do all the things I have been wanting to do, but never finding the time.

Magic exists. Who can doubt it, when there are rainbows and wildflowers, the music of the wind and the silence of the stars? Anyone who has loved has been touched by magic. It is such a simple and such an extraordinary part of the lives we live.

Nora Roberts

And flowers. I want to bring more flowers into my life after I retire. I may no longer have a yard, but I can still bring their beauty into their home.  I could bring them into my home now, but I don't really have the time to enjoy them. Just look at the herbs I planted last year.  Nothing grew because there was no one there to encourage them. I have been reading "The Magic of Flowers" on my Kindle, an Ebook by Paul Gator, and according to the writer, even those who live in urban apartments can bring the magic into their home. One doesn't need an elaborate garden to feel it. Something as simple as a few potted plants on a window sill, a bowl containing blooming cacti, or a single bowl of strongly scented hyacinths can be a source of rest and peace,  enough to revive one's spirits and bring one closer to nature...and, if you believe, invite the nature spirits into your home.

I also just purchased the book "Magical Hearth: Home for the Modern Pagan" by Janet Thompson.  I wonder if anyone has read it. The author delves into herbs -both medicinal and magical herbs-, incense, amulets,  color, aromatherapy, crystals, purification, and recipes. I really intend to appreciate my home more once I have quality time to  spend in it.  When one works full time, it is hard to find the time.   Even weekends are spent  completing chores that one has no time for during the week.

All in all, I have a long list of things planned for when I retire.  I want to spend more time in the kitchen, start baking again.  I even thought of going back to my crocheting. I've always enjoyed that.  And then there are the places I want to go...the park, the beach, the senior center.  Oh, there is just so much, much more I want to do.  A wonderful life awaits me.

By slowing down and relishing the unfolding of every experience, you

aren’t choosing to be less accomplished or productive than others.

You’re choosing to be accomplished and productive in ways they may

not even understand. You’re choosing to change what’s within your

own heart and mind, thereby becoming a part of the solution rather

than a part of the problem. By no longer rushing through, you’re choosing

to stop focusing so much of your energy on the wanting and yearning,

the wishing it was done, the frustration with what hasn’t happened yet; and to make, instead, the most of every experience as it unfolds at its own pace.

Nea Justice

Wednesday Ramble..All in a Day's Ride

New York City is a great monument to the power of money and greed... a race for rent.

 
Frank Lloyd Wright
 

On Monday as I swiped my card for the subway, a young man approached and asked if I had a dollar.  He had to be, at the most, 35, young enough to be my son. I know him, but he doesn't remember me, or he pretends he doesn't.  He resides in the shelter in my building, and for a short time, a very short time, he was one of our clients. That is how I 'know' that he is one of those who is milking the system for whatever he can get. He knows exactly what to tell a psychiatrist to get himself a diagnosis so he can be approved for Social Security. I'd really had a stressful day and told him in no uncertain terms that he 'ought to be ashamed of himself asking a senior citizen who, despite needing a cane to get around, goes out to work every day, for money, young healthy man that he is'.  I also told him  if he needs money he should get himself a job. They pay $10 an hour to hand out fliers.

Time was the panhandlers would ask for a quarter, but now inflation has set in.  Why, I even had a young girl, actually, dressed quite well, approach me as I was on my way to work and ask me to buy her breakfast. Makes you shake your head and wonder.  Hubby throws it right back at them.  One time we were on the train headed into the city, a panhandler approached us and asked for a quarter.  Hubby said, "I was just going to ask you for one."  That man took off at the speed of light. 

So, this post is for anyone planning a visit to the city. Please don't fall for any of the sob stories  you may run into.  At least 50 percent of the city's panhandlers are only trying to raise some money to buy their next bottle or drug.  They'll come on the subway car with a prepared speech telling how hungry they are. Offer them an apple and see how quickly they take off.  Believe me, this city has its faults, but there is NO reason for anyone to go hungry. Soup kitchens and pantries with free food abound.  And, from what I have heard  from several of my clients, most of them of it is pretty good and more than enough to satisfy.

Then there is another 25 percent are pulling a scam.  Panhandling is their 'job',  and some of them actually live better than most of us. There is a woman who has ridden the F train for about three years now, and her story is that her apartment burned down over the weekend, and she and her children have no money and no place to go.  The really sad part of this is that she brings two beautiful little girls with her.  This is a case where a mother deserves to have her children taken away from her.  Just look at what she is teaching them.

Not too long ago a news reporter followed a subway panhandler and discovered that the man not only had a very nice car parked in a garage a few blocks away, but also lived in an upper class apartment on the East Side.  Why someone would do this? Why would someone choose to dirty themselves up and spend their day scamming people out of their money?  I don't know.  Perhaps it gives them some cheap thrill to be getting over on the working class. 

And, the last 15 percent are probably legit.  For one reason or other they have  lost their jobs and homes and either don't know how to maneuver through the system or choose not to.  This is another I don't have answers for.

There is some wonderful talent to be seen on the subway--singers, musicians, accordion players, a magnificent violinist.  These people are providing a service, and I will, if I have, tip them.  Notice I said tip and not handout.  There is one group, however, that no matter how talented they are, I do not tip.  There is a group of teenagers who blast rap music and perform a wild break dance.  Granted, their twists and turns are quite extraordinary, but (1) I cannot stand rap music and don't appreciate how loud they blast it; and (2) They scare me.  Not in a violent sort of way where I am afraid that they are going to attack me, but when they dance, their arms and legs are flying everywhere and have never missed and hurt any, but they can, on occasion, come very close to one's face. I may be the only one, but I find it uncomfortable. 

Let's see.  Have I forgotten anyone?  Ah, yes, seeing that I work for a non-profit agency, how can I forget those who are 'collecting for the poor' under the pretense that they work for a non-profit agency.  Let me assure you now.  No reputable agency would send employees to panhandle on the train, knowing that it is illegal.  These people have phony badges made up and even go so far as to buying some cheap cold cuts and a loaf of bread to 'show us' that they are working to help the poor. Meanwhile, they are making out like bandits.  Years ago when I worked in a halfway house we had two clients who were doing this.  (We found out later after they were arrested).  But, while they were carrying on their little business they walked around in fancy clothes and have gold chains around their necks.

So, there you have it, dear readers.  All in a day's ride on a New York City subway.  It's actually not so bad, really, once you are aware of what to watch out for. The panhandlers may be annoying, but they won't physically hurt you.  And maybe, if you are really lucky, you will be blessed to see the little old man with the violin.  His music makes the hair stand up on your arms it is so beautiful. The man creates magic.

Take care and hope you all have a great day.

Awestruck

On Sunday I went to Church.  I've not attended Easter Sunday services since I was 14 years old; that is 52 years, a very long time indeed.  It is an incredible church to step into and walk around in since there are many statues and pieces of art. I took a seat in the back so as not to draw attention to myself, and suddenly felt overwhelmed by its beauty as I looked around.  Our Mother was surrounding me. Wherever you looked, there she was in statues from around the world.  I did try to get pictures, but I am afraid many of them didn't come out very well. I was feeling so anxious about snapping photos that I just didn't take my time.  I know people probably do this all the time in this church as people come from all over for a tour, but somehow it didn't seem to be the right thing to do on Easter Sunday.

This is not a very good picture, but the one without the man sitting there was even worse.  I wanted to give you some idea just how huge this church is....and this was  the English mass.  A Spanish mass and an Asian mass were being held simultaneously in other parts of the church.

This is one of the statues.  Unfortunately, I didn't manage to get her lovely crown into the photo.

Not sure but I think this was a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

I wish this one hadn't come out so blurry.  It's very special.  One of the statues is of Our Lady of Fatima, the one in the middle is Spanish, and the third one I am not sure.  As I said, I was feeling anxious about snapping these photos so I didn't waste any time.  You cannot make it out, but above the statue in the center is a painting of a Kwan Yin like character.  I definitely need a better picture of this one.


And the above statues were taken from statues on one side of the church.  There are more statues on the other side which I didn't even get to.

The church, founded in 1893 holds a special treasure, a shrine which shows Angels bringing messages back and forth from Heaven.  I didn't get close enough for a picture, but I am thinking of going back. I've been invited to attend a special service on Saturday, a Celebration of Life, and during mass, everyone will receive an individual blessing.

Sleep, my child, and peace attend thee,
All through the night;
Guardian angels God will lend thee,
All through the night;
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping,
Love alone his watch is keeping--
All through the night.


Old Welsh Air

Monday Morning This and That

(Never did share a picture of my Mary Magdalene.  I absolutely love her.)

Easter weekend turned out very nice. The weather was warm and sunny for most of the time, and it sure made one aware that spring was definitely on its way. In fact, when I went to the supermarket on Saturday, I didn't want to come home to cook. It felt so spring-like that it almost seemed that the trees should be beginning to bud, but it is too early for that here.  

Then on Sunday I got up and went to Church. It was a beautiful service.  I cannot begin to describe the beauty of that Church. I did get some pictures which I will share with you tomorrow. I felt strange taking pictures in a church.  Maybe since it has been so long since I attended. It just didn't seem right to me.

(Meet the latest addiction to my Angel collection.  Isn't she gorgeous? It's a little blurry, but that's a little doggy sitting next to her)

My boys came over later for an Easter meal of fresh ham, baked sweet potatoes, string beans, and salad. I'd planned on roasting a chicken, but the fresh ham was so much cheaper.  My grandma always had a leg of lamb for Easter dinner, and I really would love to follow the tradition, but who can afford a leg of lamb in today's economy. I don't know what lamb costs in other parts of the country, but here in the city, it is priced only for the rich.  They don't even sell it where I shop, and the lady at the register told me she bought one in her neighborhood for $70....a bit much to pay for a dinner for four.

  

(My Easter basket. I'd jokingly said to my youngest that it has been a long time since I had an Easter basket, and he brought me one as a surprise)

Speaking of food, while I was dealing with that incessant tickle in my throat, I found myself becoming  addicted to Halls. I really had no choice, but now that it is letting up, I've been looking for something else. So, last week when I went to my favorite fruit stand, which, by the way, also carries a wide variety of foods and candies from around the world, I bought myself a bag of anise candies that had been made in Italy. I love the taste of licorice and these candies turned out to be so addictive that I almost went through a bag in only a matter of days.  

It was not until they took my blood pressure the other day, and I found that, after a steady decline,  it had gone up to 154 over 75 that a 'light bulb'  went off in my head.  I'd first attributed it to stress, but then I asked myself what I was doing differently, and it hit me...the candies. I also remembered reading somewhere that one had to be careful about eating too much licorice, and these were not just licorice 'flavored' candies; indeed, these candies were made from pure anise, and sadly, as healthy as this herb may be, those of us with high blood pressure have to be careful.  In fact, according to the 'Herbal Resource' as well as  several other sources  'It is recommended that people with high blood pressure should not consume anise as it might exacerbate the condition.'  It just goes to show how very careful we have to be with the foods that we consume.

Well, as much as I'd like to stick around, time has passed quickly this morning, and if I don't start getting ready for work, I will be late, and one thing I pride myself on is my promptness.  I hate being late, always have and always will.  

Good habits are worth

being fanatical about.

John Irving

Easter Blessings

May the spirit
and the promise
of this joyous time of year
Bring love,peace, joy
and happiness to you
and those you hold most dear.

TGIF

   

The truest prayer begins when we pass beyond word into deep silence, when
lips are hushed; when racing thoughts are stilled; when emotions are placid
as "the dawning over the waveless ocean."

Albert E. Day

I am so glad that Friday has arrived with its brief reprieve from the 'house of horrors'.  It wasn't always the way it is now.  At one point, I'd actually become comfortable there.  Yes, I do remember how I fought the changes in the beginning, but when I gave up fighting and went along with the flow, I found that I actually didn't mind the lack of office set up as much as I thought.  

But, that was then and this is now.  Since that time, with agencies closing all around us, my bosses have become so 'numbers conscious' that they seem to have forgotten that we are human beings and not robots.  A caseload such as mine, which at last count, was up to 43 is unheard of.  And between the groups and the paperwork, I often find myself eating lunch with one hand and typing with the other.  And the clients we have now are more unstable than we had in the past.  There are far more fights between them and threats toward staff.  Then, add to that the sense of entitlement our management has instilled in them by giving into their every whim and allowing them to get away with things that other treatment programs would consider reason for instant termination, and you literally find yourself enslaved in a house of horrors.  No wonder my blood pressure was on the rise again yesterday. Wednesday had been a nightmare.

This weekend is a cooking weekend for me, but I really don't need that much.  Still have plenty of my soup on hand and several meals on hand.  At the most, it will only take me a few hours in the kitchen on Sunday. That will give me some time to plan for Easter Sunday.

I still hope to make it to Church this Sunday.  It's been years since I have attended an Easter Service and never in a Catholic Church, but from all I have read many Catholic practices are also pagan. These can include: Holy Rituals, Holy Water, prayer beads, incense, healing, candles, the worshipping of images and relics, worship of saints and angels and the worship of Mary.  My sister-in-law, a devout Catholic, has carries a statue of Mary from house to house every Tuesday night, and prays that Mary will heal the sick.  And the statue is part of the Church.  But, that is why I feel drawn to 'Our Lady of Perpetual Help'. The Holy Mother is there.

All, right, that's enough out of me. I've already said too much. I really don't like discussing religion here and do so only minimally at best.  I know that some of you may not agree with what I have said here, and you are entitled to your beliefs.  I'm not here to preach nor am I here to encourage anger. Tolerance is one of my virtues. I'm just expressing my opinion.

And with that, I wish you all a very Happy Easter, one filled with peace, love and joy.

Update on Medical

No biopsy today.  I don't know if that is good news or bad news.  It is this not knowing that is really getting to me.  But, I absolutely LOVED this doctor.  He made me feel so comfortable and so much less fearful.  His words to me were, "I would never cut into a patient without getting to know them first.".  His title is Interventional Neuroradiologist. That's a new one for me.  On his card it said 'minimally invasive physician' which also made me feel more at ease.  After a fairly thorough physical exam we sat down and had a chat.  

He said my lungs were clear and the fact that my cough was abating with the change of medicine and I was now able to walk and climb stairs without totally losing my breath as before were good signs.  He tried to get my cat scans on the computer, but even though they are an extension of the hospital, they are not connected technologically so he could not download them.  He said by my next visit in two weeks he will have evaluated my records and have come to a decision, but, as he said, "The decision to biopsy or not will be left up to you.  I will give you my opinion and allow you to make your own decision.  There are some dangers in a lung biopsy" and he went onto explain air bubbles or bleeding.  He then added that it may be that we leave the nodules sit as is and redo a cat scan in six months to see if they have grown.  Evidently  non-cancerous nodules will not grow while cancerous cells will.

So, there it is...on hold again.  But, each time it is put on hold I feel a bit more relief. After all, something serious would have to be taken care of right away.  Thanks to all of you being there with me today.  As I sat there, holding my bag of healing stones and my amber tightly in my hand, I could close my eyes and feel your presence.  I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.  I love you all.