Thursday, October 27, 2011

This is Only a Test

If your teeth are clenched and your fists are clenched, your lifespan is probably clenched.  
--Terri Guillemets--

I hope that is all it is.  I've really been trying hard to keep a stiff upper lip, but I have to tell you, life has not  been easy lately.  I am trying to focus on Halloween, my favorite time of the year just to keep myself from screaming.  Hmmm!!!  Actually, maybe a good scream might do me some good about now.  But it just isn't easy.  I can't seem to find the fun anymore.

Too begin with, I just can't seem to keep up at my job, and perfectionist that I am, it's really getting to me.  When we made our move to the new office, we lost a few clients and our census went really low.  When the census goes low, we are in danger of losing our grant, hence a few workers, if not the program itself.  Fortunately, the building we moved in also houses our new 200 bed shelter so intakes have been coming in hot and heavy.  I've had 7 within the past two weeks, and have 3 more scheduled next week.  Actually, I am booked until mid-November so you can imagine how it feels to see no relief in sight.   

Each intakes involves quite a bit of paperwork, including a 19 page psychosocial.   One problem is that we are short of workers right now.  One of my co-workers has been out on sick leave...just had her colon removed.  And then, they let another one go on vacation for two weeks at the same time.  They take the nurse's caseload away and divvy it up between the rest of us so she can run more groups, but the fact is, the assign US more groups as well, so it's not as if this takes any of the load off us.  Oh, did I mention that, at this point, all these new clients are going to only three of us.

I was just telling hubby the other day that, no matter how miserable this job may be and how overworked I am, I am actually 'blessed' to have a job what with all the places closing up.  I happened to run into a co-worker from the last place I worked, and he was telling me how badly they were doing there and expressed fears of being out of a job.  This is happening all over the city.  My agency is in no danger, however, as we work very close with the mayor's office and the city, and they actually beg us to take over shelters that are failing to get them back on their feet again.

And then, there is my crazy landlady to contend with.  I've finally got to admit it, the woman is off the wall.  I'm tired of being put into the middle of things.  We're tenants, that's all.  I just want some peace in my life for the short time I am there.  Now she is calling, or should I say harassing since I do get a number of phone calls daily.  To make a long story short, there are two  storage rooms in the basement.  One belongs to my landlady and the other to the co-owner.  My landlady's storage unit was 'supposed' to be for me, but I never got to use it.  Well, it seems that the son who was blasting the D.J. equipment downstairs had busted her lock and set up his D. J. equipment in there.  

What she wants is for me to make a key to the front door (not our apartment) for her uncle and a friend of hers so they can come in and place a lock on her storage room.  The guy upstairs, her cousin) told us in no uncertain terms that if she asks for a key we shouldn't do it.  He said that all they had to do was ring his bell and he will let them in.  He's right, too.  These men are strangers and with a key, they can wander in and out of the house at will.  Personally, I don't feel comfortable with that.  But then, she does own the house and has the right to give a key to anyone she wishes.  And that's where my dilemma comes in.  If I give the key I run the risk of alienating the two sons who now have been very supportive of us...even the one with the D.J. equipment.  They realize that once we go, she's coming back, and they don't want that, so they are on their best behavior to keep us.

Besides, like I said, I don't like these men coming in and out, either.  And then, if I refuse to make the key and give it to them, she can get real mean and give us a short deadline to move out, but I know she just can't put us on the street.  She has to go to court first.  Then, I thought about her giving us a bad housing reference, but that's absurd  as well.  Why would she keep us for 15 years if we were such bad tenants?  It's just that I don't want to go through all the hassle of court or clearing my name, so I didn't pick up the phone last night, just listened to her voice mails (There were three of them and that's harassment).  And, I have to deal with this after busting my butt at work all day.  I broke down in tears last night the third time my phone rang.  I really don't know how to handle this.  Again, I am in the middle.  If I give the key, the brothers can make my life miserable; if I don't, she can.  I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  Need some advise from you guys and gals on this one.

On the housing front, we went to look at a place last night.  I loved the neighborhood.  It's close to transportation, stores, etc.  The place had such a good aura about it. The super was so great he actually set a lower price for the apartment.  I was giddy about it, and left with such a sense of fulfillment.  Then reality set in.  The place is way too small.   My son will be moving to Connecticut so that's not the problem.  The rooms were basically too small for my furniture, and I cannot afford to by new.   So, the search is on...and meanwhile I am forced to deal with the unnecessary stress of being the middle man of a feuding family.  

The following is a great definition of a difficult person and most fit my landlady to a tee.  I think we all can identify people like this.   A difficult person is one who:

Makes us lose our cool
Forces us to do things we don't want to do
Prevents us from doing what we want or need to do
Uses coercion or manipulation to get their way
Makes us feel guilty if we don't "go along"
Makes us do their share of the work. 
Basically, a difficult person, in short, is someone who creates difficulties for others.

Thanks for listening to me today. So sorry for complaining so much when all of you are trying to enjoy your Halloween.  I'm trying to, believe me I am. Being pulled by too many forces at once...both at home and at work.  And I am tired, just so tired.  Better days are coming.  I know.  I've been through hard times before only to find better times waiting on the other side. 

* Re: the furniture.  If it were furniture I could get rid of, I would gladly do it, but it's my kitchen table and a china closet that means the world to me.  The kitchen is too small for either and there is no room in the living room to have both the table and a sofa.  


  1. Oh, Mary, I'm sorry for your troubles. If the landlady owns the building, she ought to have her own key and should not be asking you, the tenant who pays the rent, for one. Perhaps you can tell her politely that you're just the tenant and are not comfortable being put in the middle of a family dispute. Keep looking for an apartment and ask the universe for guidance and for something better! It will happen.

  2. What's the old saying? "It never rains, but it pours." Certainly true, with your present situation. -sigh- Hugs, hugs, lots of gentle hugs.

    Oh sigh, the place you looked at, sounds great, other than the size issue. You really, really couldn't fit your furniture? Or could you even eliminate some of it? Meaning, do you really use/need all of it? Or is some, just because it's "always been there"?

    I know. I no help. So I'll stick to hugs...

    Gentle hugs,
    "Nothing beats a haunted moonlit night on All Hallows Eve.... And on this fatal night, at this witching time, the starless sky laments black and unmoving. The somber hues of an ominous, dark forest are suddenly illuminated under the emerging face of the full moon."

    ~Kim Elizabeth

  3. I'm with Beth Mary...I so believe you need to politely find a way to tell her you don't want to be involved. If you did go ahead with making a key who knows what would happen?

    If you really can't talk with her then sometimes silence can really be golden, and perhaps she will take the hint, but from the sounds of things she isn't going to do that.

    I'll keep the candles going Dear Heart! Something has to turn up soon for you!
    Gentle Hugs,

  4. Good morning Mary......I'm giving you the biggest hug ever.

    As an could tell your landlady that you would be afraid of breaking the law if you got involved in the key thing....she really should handle this herself. Also re the new apartment....could you put some of your things in storage....or sell some of it if you don't need it....just me thinking out loud....don't know if this helps.

    Hang in there,



  5. Have you done any magic to find your new apartment? That's what it's there for ; )Also, throw some protection magic around for the apartment your in right now and while you're at it....put that landlady in the freezer. Questions? You know where to reach me.

  6. i don't know what to advise you either, besides what everybody else said... politely tell her you wish not to be in the middle. I hope you find a new place soon, so you are out of this and maybe once you are settled in a new place the stress at work will not feel so overwhelming. Sending hugs.

  7. Oh. You poor thing. This is just too much. I would avoid her calls, but if she insists, I agree that you should just put the responsibility back on her - but make it about you, you know, say you are very stressed, been fighting an infection, whatever. It's amazing how fast someone will stop bugging you when you make it about you! Let her do her own dirty work. And yes, there are laws about landlords/tenants and they are usually online. See if you can find the ones for your state.

    Just today I was thinking about you and was going to email but saw your post first.. Now I know why you were on my mind...

    Hang in there. Sending you lots of stength.

  8. PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What a revolting developement this is!
    (((hugs)))my friend (((hugs)))

  9. I would tell her I'm run off my feet at work and simply have no time to make a new key, etc. And then start avoiding her calls. Do you have call display?

  10. Hi Mary, so sorry the landlady is being such a boorish pest. Avoid taking her calls for your first line of defense. Otherwise tell her you have no time to get keys made; your schedule is too full, transportation troubles..whatever feels right to you to say. I believe she is breaking the law asking you to do this. If the apartment you looked at is too small, please don't try to squeeze yourself into it. You will be regretting it almost immediately. And don't get rid of anyfurniture that is special to you. You hope to be in the new place for a long while, and don't want to make a quick mistake. Call screening is a wonderful thing. Screen the calls, turn off the answering machine. You don't need to explain anything really, to her, now that I think about it. Just good luck, good magick, and hugs!! Love ya, Robin.

  11. Cast a spell :):) Ok, just my sarcasm coming through. Happens when drama sets itself into my life. Seems things start looking up and whattheheck, someone spits in your cheerios! Sorry for all this Mary. Hang in there and think good thoughts, they'll happen....

  12. Mary do NOT buy into her drama...

    Leave a message on the answering machine...

    Please leave your name and number if you are calling about an available apartment. Due to
    overwhelming response to my add, I am likely
    out and about finding the perfect new home for
    hubby and I. This is my number one priority.

    Please leave a message if you are calling with
    information regarding an apartment and I will return your call as soon as possible.

    They do not have to know you did not place an add. Make it look and sound like everything is
    under control.

    Always keep a cool and calm disposition around people who try to draw you in to their drama.

    Do some meditation if you must to calm the spirit.

    Also I would love to see you make up scrapes of paper and on each scrap write down one wish pertaining to your new apartment. For example, you would like a large bedroom, (that goes on one scrap piece). An eat-in kitchen on the next, easy to get to from work, etc. You understand you are simply writing down requests
    that you would love to have.

    Now put them in a large non-flamable container
    and go into the yard. Say some words over the container and ask the Universe to send you a living space that will bring you comfort for the rest of your days.

    Then light it afire and let the ashes rise into the wind and believe the universe has heard your wish.

    It is simply a little ritual you are sending out. It will help you to remain calm, understanding there is a greater power to this universe than you or I.

    Send out love and blessings of light to every living thing, knowing it will always return to you.

    love and blessings of light to you sister of my heart. May you find serenity soon.