The greater our hurry, the longer the way;
the greater our patience, the sooner we reach the goal.

German proverb

As another Monday rolls around, another week of work looms ahead of us.  I'm doing my best at the new place.  Actually, I've adjusted to everything but the noise level.  I can't do my best when I cannot here myself think.  We've decorated for Halloween, and I really have to get some photos to show you.  Battery in the camera was dead this morning; I tend to let those things lapse.  (Sigh)

Had a busy weekend.  On Saturday I cooked and did some sorting and packing.  Seems like there is no end to it.  Sunday we went to look at a couple places.  The first was far too expensive; it was four rooms, but  much too small for the price she was asking.  No closet space.  A 2nd floor walk-up, which, in itself isn't so bad, but there are days when I am really short of breath.  And, it was only a few blocks from where I live now.  I've spent 15 years here living as a minority.  I want out of here now. 

The second apartment was my dream place.  5 large rooms, windows galore, great view, great neighborhood, the same rent as we pay now.  In fact, when I stood in the kitchen I was able to picture my herb garden growing in the window...and the bathroom was double the size of the one I have now.  And best of all...it was only two blocks from my beloved ocean.  So, why didn't we take it?

It's easy to jump into things, especially a place as picture perfect as this.  We tend to look at the outer beauty and not take into consideration its  hidden side, that what we cannot see.  In my youth I would have jumped at it, but age brings wisdom, and I have to look at all sides of the picture and question why such a gorgeous place is going so cheaply.  First of all, it is not convenient...to anything.  The subway is  quite a hike away, and, with winter coming, I have to think of the snow and ice.  Hubby should be back to work by then, and I can't depend on him to drive me everyday.  What if we work at different times?  And then there are my late nights, walking all those blocks in the dark.  Sure, it is a great neighborhood, but let's face it, this is New York City, and bad things happen in ALL neighborhoods and to all ages.

Then, there is the shopping.  The nearest deli is about as long a hike as the subway station...and the supermarket even further than that. I don't like the idea of having to depend on someone to take me where I need to go...and it's not worth getting my license and a car at this stage of the game.  Don't even know where the nearest pharmacy is.   I can just picture myself wanting a bag of chips or needing something from the drugstore and having to sit and wait for hubby to come home to take me.  I'm far too independent for that.  

So, I decided that I had to let it go.   For awhile I will probably think about it, and as I lay in bed at night visualizing what might have been, wonder if I made a mistake.  But, I know, deep in my heart, that this wasn't for me.  Somewhere, out there, the new home that was meant to be is still waiting for me.

Trusting our intuition often saves us
from disaster.

Anne Wilson Schaef