Religious Tolerance Applies to Me, Too. I Must Remember That.

Good morning.  It's a rainy day here in the city, and believe me, I when that alarm went off, I just wanted to pull the covers back over my head and go back to sleep.  A sick day really would have felt good, but I realize, I cannot take off EVERY time it rains.  If I did, I would run out of sick days in no time this spring...and then what?  So, here I am.  Besides, I always chide my clients when they tell me they didn't come to the program because of the weather.  I remind them that 'when they were using drugs, they didn't care WHAT kind of weather they went out in to find that drug".  So, how would it look if their counselor took off every time the weather was bad?  Sort of hypocritical!!!

This morning the train was delayed and a little more crowded than usual, but I did manage to find a seat.  At least that meant I could read on my way in; for some reason, I can't read standing up like I see the others doing.  For some reason, when I am standing, nothing I read really sinks in, and I usually end up reading the same pages again.  So as I took out one of my new books "Shamanic Egyptian Astrology", I took a glance about and was in awe of all the different beliefs surrounding me.  Across the way sat a woman with a clear bag and in it, you could see she was carrying a few "Awake" magazines.  Down at the end of the train stood the tall Buddhist monk dressed in traditional Buddhist robes.  He was obviously deep in meditation.  In the corner seat was one of the other regulars...who always manages to get the same seat.  He's a little Hispanic man who spends his ride reading his little prayer book.  And next to me sat a young woman reading a tattered little pocket Bible and on the other side, a Jewish woman with her wig with three little books in Hebrew on her lap.  Her lips move silently as she rocks back and forth in prayer. 


And, I in the middle of these two suddenly felt a little self-conscious with my pagan studies.  The truth be told, I thought I was pretty much past that.  At work,  I am pretty much out in the open, and most of my co-workers are aware that I am a Druid, they know of my pagan beliefs...in fact,  many have even shown interest in them, asking if I had info to share.  But this morning?  I don't know what it was...why I felt like I had to hide.   Usually I have no problem taking my books out and reading them...and with many of the same people who were on the train this morning.  Perhaps today I paid more attention to what was going on around me.  

Religious freedom had been on my mind since my post on "I Am Woman" yesterday so perhaps that is why I was taking more notice.  I don't know, but the one thing I do know is that religious freedom DOES include me, too...and my beliefs. I am free to worship as I choose...no matter what the people sitting next to me believe...and to honest? I don't even think these people were actually paying any attention to what I was reading...No one was going to stand up and point, screaming, "She's a witch."  It was all just me and allowing my old self-conscious ways to take over.  No one but me cared what I was reading.


I'd be interested in hearing if others have been in situations such as this, and how it made  you feel.
 

Whew, What a Wacky Monday!

Good morning, everyone.  It's still pretty cold outdoors, but nothing like yesterday.  Yesterday was brutal...and what a time for the trains to be late.  I sat for almost 30 minutes on the elevated platform with the wind whipping about, stinging my face and hands.  I saw many people with hats, gloves, and skarves...and wished I had been so smart.

What was it with yesterday, anyway?  It was one of those days that 'whatever could go wrong, went wrong'.  First it was the train, and then when I arrived at that job, there was a a big mess downstairs in the waiting area.  Now, let me explain...there are two programs in my building-- the substance abuse and mental health component on the 2nd floor which I work for and  the mental health component for those without substance abuse  which is on the third floor.  Both are a part of the organization I work for.  So, when I get in yesterday, there was argument going on between two of the third floor clients--an older man and a woman.  Whatever the cause, it had started before I got there.  The woman was sitting on the sofa attempting to mind her own business, but he just kept walking up to her and calling her some of the nastiest names.  I give her credit; she did her best to keep her cool, but he wasn't going to let this go, and I could just see it escalating...so, even though they weren't clients in my program,I was staff and expected to intercede so I asked him to please step away...which at first he did, but then, before I knew it, he was back; he walked over to her and kicked her real hard in the leg; now, she hopped up with her fists pumping, and the two started taking shots at each other.

"Oh, no, just what I need," I thought.  What do I do?  I'm the only staff member there, and this is working its way into a full-fledged battle where someone is going to get hurt.  The other third floor clients are just standing around watching, no one is helping. I can't put my hands on either one of them, or I could get fired...(remember hubby?)  I don't have a cell phone to call 911, and I can't leave there with those two 'duking it out' to go upstairs to use the phone.  I'm 63 years old and not about to get in the middle of this.  So, I just muscled up my loudest, most assertive voice and said "That's enough.  Stop it."  I must have sounded pretty darned scary because, to my surprise, the man immediately stopped and walked outdoors.

Fight over, I stood there and breathed a sigh of relief, but it also left me thinking.   What would I have done if this escalated even further? Now, I fully realized the predicament hubby had been in, only the client was attacking HIM.   It was a wakeup call for me. It made me realize just how quickly things can get out hand when you are working with mental illness...and I am not gonna lie; it scared me.  I used to work with the parole program and nothing about those clients scared me; they were puppy dogs compared to what I work with now.  Was it enough to make me quit?  No, but it was enough to make me aware that I can 'never' let my guard down.

Then, I go upstairs and we're short-staffed...yet again...and I have to combine groups...yet again.  And then, there is one client after another to see, an intake...By the end of the day, my head was spinning...but that is the nature of the beast.  I am telling you this, though, going home, stripping off my clothes, and parking my butt in front of the television to lose myself never felt so good.


And with that, may you all have a wonderful day...and here's to hoping that Tuesday is a better day.

Monday Morning This and That

Good morning, everyone.  I can't believe Monday has rolled around again...and is it every cold outside!!!  Cold, windy, and of all days, the train was late, so I sat in the cold for almost a half hour shivering and wishing I had worn a warmer jacket.  Hope all of you had a wonderful Mother's Day.  My sons were both great to me...flowers, Barnes & Noble giftcards.  Then, when darkness fell and my sons had both gone out, and hubby was in bed, I lit my candles and honored my female ancestors. I don't have any pictures because of the fire, and I think that's what makes me the saddest, so instead I use the certificates of birth, death, and marriage that I obtained through the state.  Wow, before I knew it, the tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I had a cry like I hadn't had in years.  I called out to my mom and my grandma how much I was missing them and asked them to forgive any wrongs I may have done. I think they must have been there with me, because soon I was feeling such an overwhelming sense of peace, almost as if they had taken me into their arms, hugging me.  A very, very emotional evening for me, but a healing evening...and one that was needed.

 

On another note, I was given the Life is Good Award by inannasstar

a couple of days ago.  Thank you so much for thinking of me, but it doesn't come free.  To earn it, I have to answer some questions posed by inannasstar.

1.  Do the curtains match the carpet? Actually, no.  In fact, I have five rooms, but windows only in the two bedrooms.  (That's the way houses are built here in the city) 

2.  What is your favorite holiday?  I love Halloween; yes, I know it's not a real holiday, but to me it is.  Christmas and Thanksgiving are special because the family gets together, but Halloween is my day to be me.

3.  What is your favorite documentary?  Gosh, there are so many.  The one that comes to mind I saw about a year ago, a documentary on the Druids, but, for the life of me, I cannot remember what it is called.

4.  What is your favorite thing to do when you can do whatever you please?  I love to read.  That is my passion.  This weekend I bought 6 more books.  I could open my own bookstore if I wanted to.

5.  Whose ass would you like to kick up to their ears?  My office roommate.  She just makes me feel so miserable, and I think having to share an office with her is part of my reason for hating this job so.  It's so unfair when you are busting your butt, and someone else is sitting on personal calls, playing games on the computer, and basically doing nothing...and I MEAN nothing.  She does NO work.  There are people on her caseload who completed last year.  No notes, no nothing.  And, what bugs me the most is that management allows it to go on.  It's awful having to share an office with that going on.  (Sorry this turned into a rant, but it was a great question).

6.  Twilight or Trueblood?  I fell in love with Twilight.  Can't tell you how many times I have seen it.

7.  Favorite breed/type of pet:  Actually, I love all animals, and if I were in the country, would have quite a menagerie.  But, since I am in the city, I would have to say a cat.  Somehow, it just don't seem fair to me to have dogs cooped up in a small apartment...unless it is a wee little doggie.

8.  What is your beverage of choice?  Sugared Pepsi Cola.  Unfortunately, it is off my list right now.  Puts on too much weight.

9.  If you could make a new federal law, what would it be?  Oh, that's an easy one--three day weekends.  

10. What is your favorite dessert?  Anything with chocolate in it, but especially the chocolate mousse cakes we have for birthdays here at my job.

So, that's it, that's me in a nutshell.  And somehow the questions got messed up in a different order, but they are all there.  So, now here are my ten questions to be passed on.

1.  What is your favorite food?

2.  What is your favorite television show?

3.  If you could live wherever you wanted, where would it be?

4.  Who is your hero?

5.  Favorite drink?

6.  What are your hobbies?

7.  Who is your favorite author?

8.  Favorite subject when you were in school?

9.  Day or night person"

10. Favorite holiday?

And the lucky winners are: 

http://rueandhyssop.blogspot.com/ 

Serendipty 

Alina at the Purple Caravan 

http://clairedulalune.blogspot.com/ 

http://twain1263.blogspot.com/ 

http://mothermoonsmessage.blogspot.com/ 

Actually, there are just so many others.  All of you are dear to me and deserve an award, but some of you have received this one all ready, and others have award free blogs, so this award is for all of you.

Hope you all have a wonderful, wonderful day.

Happy Mother's Day

Wishing all of you mothers out there a very Happy Mother's Day.  The weather here is so fall-like today...cold and windy.  The heat actually came up for awhile this morning.  My youngest called me and my eldest gave me the nicest card and of course,  a Barnes & Noble giftcard.  They know what I like.  



Mother's Day is always rather bittersweet day for me.  I am so blessed with my two loving sons who never forget me, but 'I' have no one to call on this special day.  I miss my grandma and my mom so much.  I'd always been so close to my grandma and was  devastated by the loss of this loving woman when I was 17 years old.  And my mom? Gosh, I hope she knows how much I love and miss her. For so many years ours was such an antagonistic relationship.   She'd always seemed so resentful of me, and I never tried to find out why.  Instead, I held a grudge for many years....oh, if I could only take things back. 

As I grew older and started to look within; some say I was facing my shadow; others called in 'inner child' work...but I learned to understand just WHY my mom was like she was, that in her own way, she had to have loved me to stay with a man she literally despised for the sake of the child...rather than be wed to the love of her life. She gave up so much for me; I only wish that she had trusted me enough when she was alive, that we could have ironed out our difficulties. Mom, you are truly loved, and on this special day, I honor you. So, mom, grandma, I know you are both still with me.  Happy Mother's Day.  I love and miss you both.  And to all the other ladies' in my ancestral tree.  Thank you for giving me life. 

And to all my friends in blogland, thank you all for being my friends.  May you all have a wonderful joyous day.

Saturday Morning Adventures

Happy Saturday afternoon.  One minute the sun is shining, the next the rain pouring down.  Weird weather we are having.  I am so proud of myself.  I am actually beginning to get out.  I'd become such a hermit on weekends, it was beyond normal.  The only time I would leave my house was on my cooking weekends when I did my food shopping, but on the other weeks, I'd stay in from Friday night to Monday morning.  Why, the thought even went through my head that if I didn't have to work, I would never have to leave my house. Everything could be done online.  But, I made a decision that I'm going to start doing things, slowly at first, but getting out and enjoying myself.

Today I went to Barnes and Noble, something I haven't done in about a year.  I always order online.  I wouldn't let anything stand in my way...not the rain...or the transit issues.  I had to take the subway, get off and take a shuttle bus the rest of the way.  Usually, that hassle would be enough to keep me home, but today I dealt with it...and I had a great time.  Bought tons of books with some of the money I saved from stopping smoking.  Only one little incident almost set me on the wrong track.  I was looking for the books on mythology and basically, I knew about where they were the last time I was there, so I was looking for them when I saw that a man was coming in my direction.  I stepped aside to let him pass, he stepped in the same direction as me.  Then, we both stepped in the opposite direction. 

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought.  The mind is everything.  What we think.  We become."--Buddha

The man, instead of his getting a little laugh out of it as I was, got pretty huffy and said, "Come on, come on." then brushed past me to grab a book off the counter and go sit in a chair to read.  My immediate reaction was "That son of a b...."  Here I am with an armful of books that I will be purchasing, and he obviously comes in to sit and read for free." and he's going to be nasty to me?  A paying customer?  And then I realized, I was beginning to let him rent space in my head...and no, that wasn't going to happen today...There are going to be ornery people wherever you go...and letting them dictate our emotions is to invite a life of unnecessary unhappiness and pain.  We can spend hours and hours dwelling and ruminating on the negative and fearful things in our lives if we ALLOW it.  Instead, our focus and attention needs to be on the positive, the good, and on thoughts that will move us in the right direction. 


So, sorry fella, you can sit there all day in B & N with your puss on, but it had no effect on me.  This is MY life, and your unhappiness is not a part of it.

Nature Ramble

Good morning, everyone.  Thanks so much for all the tips about healing  my legs.  It's been a rough week, but I am finally finding some relief.  Being able to fall asleep at night was the worst.  I tried my darnedest to take my thoughts off the itch, but you know how the mind tends to dwell on uncomfortability.

This morning I was awakened by the birds singing outside my window.  It was earlier than my alarm was set, but I didn't care...it was such a joyful sound to awaken to. It makes me realize how lucky I am.  You know, I always complain about living in the city, and since I must live here at this time, Brooklyn has to be the best place to live.  It's close enough to the city, yet still has that magical touch of the country.  I love living on a tree-lined street with yards of beautifully colored and scented spring flowers.  I find my walks from the subway home are slower in the springtime because I LOVE this season so much; it is at this time of the year that I make the time to BE in nature....to watch and listen to the birds, the flowers growing effortlessly.  The beauty of the season makes you appreciate each moment for what it is...precious.  

It is shame that society's fast pace leaves so many of us feeling breathless.   How many of you rush blindly through your day, falling exhaustedly into your bed, only to wake up the next morning and do it all over again?  Our lives seem to be composed of meaningless moments which are all strung together as we worry about the future, hold regrets about the past, or try to rush through our current experiences to get to the next while we completely ignore the present.

By focusing on the wonder of nature, we can lose ourselves in the moment...reduce stress...find peace...and become increasingly spiritual.  Take time to focus and observe your surroundings.  Observe the clouds; notice the grass blowing in the breeze.  What a wonderful world it is!

A Little Thursday Sun

Good morning, everyone.  It's kind of gloomy outdoors, so I figured I would add a bit of sun.  I've had a bit of a rough time of this week, but I'm pulling myself back together.  Aside from the sad feelings I am trying to shake, I have also been battling a very bad case of the 'itches' on my legs. It's been so awful that it's hard to fall asleep...torture.  I try to keep my hands free of it because I know for some, the more you scratch, the itchier it gets.  Now, this whole thing is my own darned fault.  It was Sunday night, and I was watching Cold Case.  I also had to get myself ready for work...and that meant shaving my legs.  I didn't want to miss the show so what did I do?  Like a fool, I sat and shaved my legs... dry... in front of the television.  Sometimes I just have to learn things the hard way.  My legs are already dry, so doing that just really instigated it.  I've tried several different creams and today I bought Eucerin's Calming Itch Relief.  It was more expensive than I would like, and so far, it hasn't worked so well...so please, if anyone has any anti-itch suggestions, I'm all ears. 

"The difference between school and life?  In school, you are taught a lesson and then given a test.  In life, you are given a test that teaches you a lesson."--Tom Bodett

How true that is!!!  When I was young, I went through so many tests, so many hardships...which, at the time, were so devastating that I never thought I would pull through.  I never thought I would be sitting where I am today.  There was a time, when I first moved to the city, that I had no food, and I had no money to buy food...so I would like across my bed and sleep because I was so hungry.  I could have given up.  I could have turned around and gone back home with my tail between my legs...a failure, but I knew that's what was expected of me...and I was NOT going to give in.  So, I got my butt in gear and started pounding the pavement, looking for work...and I found a job...as a barmaid.  

But, my trials in life were only beginning...because that is where I met my abusive husband.  We married about 8 months later, and many years of my life were spent with physical and emotional abuse.  They say as adults we search for what we had as children...until the cycle is broken.  Well, my friends, I am happy to say, that the cycle has been broken.  I will never allow myself to be abused again...by no one.  I've been given my tests, and I have learned my lessons.  So, if any of you out there are being abused, take heed.  It doesn't have to be that way.  NO ONE has that right.