Grief

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." 

Vicki Harrison 

I would like to thank all those who offered their support and condolences.  This has been such a rough week for me.  The house is so empty, and I am missing my little girl so much.  I cry all the time.  I look for signs that she is visiting me, but they say when your grief is too strong, they are unable to break through the energy.  But, how does one turn it off? 

 I set this little memorial up for my girl in her favorite Winter spot, the heating pipe. As soon as she heard the little clinks it made she would go running to it.  I lie in bed mornings listening to it and imagine I hear her little footsteps. 

One of the last photos I took of my little girl.  It was always so hard to get her sitting up.  She always loved laying at my feet.

This is the very last photo I took of my little Angel.

I am so lost right now.  I realize now how much of my life was completely devoted to my little girl.  I woke early in the morning because she loved to spend time with me before I went out, took catnaps in my rocker because she wanted me in the room with her, and went to bed when I was sure she was soundly asleep for the night.  I fixed lunch for her when I had lunch and the same with dinner. I sat where  she wanted me to sit, usually my rocking chair.  Oh how she loved resting her head on my feet as I rocked or rolling over for tummy rubs.  The pure bliss on her face.  I haven't been able to sit there since she is gone. 

Tears welled in my eyes when I passed the cat food shelves in the supermarket.  I spent so much time there, picking and choosing. There is a new cat food out that is more like a soup.  Miss Minga always loved her gravy.  I couldn't wait for it to hit the shelves in our neck of the woods so I could get it for her.  I just knew she was going to love it.  Now, she will never have a chance to try it.

She would have been 23 in June.  I knew this time was coming, but I just never thought it would happen.  In my mind, my little girl would be with me forever.  Denial.  I guess one is just never prepared for it.  No matter how much you are aware of the inevitable, the pain, the heartache, is so severe.  I love you little girl.  A piece of my heart is missing.

Thanks for being here for me.