Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Tuesday Ramble

 At the end, all that's left of you are your possessions. Perhaps that's why I've never been able to throw anything away. Perhaps that's why I hoarded the world: with the hope that when I died, the sum total of my things would suggest a life larger than the one I lived.

  Nicole Kraus

Good morning.  We've got a rainy day ahead of us here in the city, and I am planning to stay in. No Center for me today.  Yesterday I did sit at another table, and I cannot begin to tell you what a fantastic lunch I had.  Aside from the meatball, ziti, and spinach salad, I had some wonderful company. Pleasant conversation and laughs made a world of difference.  Usually I just eat and run.  Yesterday I stayed and chatted for awhile. 

I am having a real hard time with hubby's hoarding.  I'm trying so hard to de-clutter the house, and I cannot get him to part with anything.  It's gone beyond funny now.  I don't even have room for my clothes anymore.  He's not going to able to return to work, so why hold onto all those work shirts and pants.  Keep a couple, yes, but get rid of the rest.  These are all hanging in his closet.  He also has bags and bags of outgrown clothes in smaller sizes that he hasn't worn in years. And this isn't counting all the coats...and the hats.  He is addicted to hats.  Then he complains that he wants to move because the apartment is too small.  Well, I wonder why.

I have two dressers in the bedroom...on 5 drawer tall one and one long dresser with 3 large drawers in the center and 3 smaller drawers on each side.  Of the tall dresser I have two drawers to his three, and on the smaller dresser, I have one large and two small.  The rest are all his.  I am at my wits end. I've tried talking; I've even tried pleading.  I know where it comes from.  It comes from not having enough at some point in your life.

With me it is food.  I went hungry for awhile when I first moved to the city so I always have the house well stocked with food.  Most of the time with too much. When one brings bags of food home wondering how they are going to eat it all before it spoils, there is a problem.  Luckily it was the fruit stand and not a bakery.  Hubby, on the other hand, was the youngest of 19 children.  His mom did her best and worked hard to make sure they all ate and had a roof over their heads, but there was little more she could do. Hubby never got anything new...be it clothes or toys.  Everything he had was hand me downs. I guess now he feels as if he is making up for it. 

We are both hoarders, each in our own different ways. We both have a fear of not having enough when we need it. When I go to the fruit stand, I don't stand there and think that I might not be able to consume all the fruit before it goes bad.  No, I think of "what happens if I want some and don't have it."  Hubby is the same with clothing.  When I  ask him to clear out his outgrown clothes, the response I get is "what if I lose weight.  Then I will have nothing to wear?"  It doesn't occur to him that the style of the clothes is totally outdated. 

The two pictures on this page--my Angels and Archangels--are of one of my many collections.  Perhaps the need to have so many collections is a form of hoarding?

 I guess, for now, all I can do is keep harping on it and hope he finally gets the message.  Not so long ago I got so tired of looking for hangers the other day that I went into the back of his closet and packed up some of those shirts and took them to the Center.  He hasn't even missed them. Guess I can continue doing that...a little at a time.  I tell you, I am desperate and desperate times calls for desperate measures.  I am putting this out there because I am totally open to suggestions.  Any ideas? 

Now don't get me wrong.  My house isn't a mess.  It is just that I don't have any room to put anything. 

Talk to you all tomorrow. Have a wonderful day.


  1. It's so hard to get someone to stop hoarding. I know this because hoarding seems to run in my family. Do you have any storage units in your building? If so, maybe he would be ok with putting some of the things in boxes - that way he wouldn't be losing them. There certainly is more involved with hoarding than simply liking "stuff." I know because I have had times of holding onto things and times of completely cleaning up and getting rid of much of what I own - both extremes prompted by my life situations. Perhaps you can just keep "cleaning up" little by little without him noticing that anything is missing?

  2. My suggestion is to get professional counseling for the specific problem of hoarding, if possible. You're right -- it's something you don't want to allow to get too far out of control.

  3. The professional clothing could be donated to a shelter or other program for those who desperately need job clothing. We have such a program here in our little town; there must be many such there. Or for everything new that comes in, something old must be donated. I am also slowly finding new homes for some of my books and little treasures that no longer serve my needs. It is hard!