Did You Ever Want to Escape From Reality?

Have you ever just felt like you could escape to some alternate reality where your problems fade away and joy fills your life?  Yes, I know.  Not realistic.  Problems are a part of life, and try as we might, we cannot run away from.  Instead, the only way through them is to face them head-on. 

  

I'm not doing very well at the present time.  Healthwise, I am as well as I can expect to be.  Emotionally, though, I am so totally drained.   Running away from it all seems like the best option, but I am too old to run.   I am also too old for  on-again, off-again nonsense about my home.  Not too long ago I got the word that our house was not going to be sold for a few years until the market price came up.  I can't tell you how relieved I was.  It's not my favorite place to live, but we really don't have the money to move, and now with hubby out of work, I don't know how we will pass the credit check, let alone find a place we can afford.  We're fairly lucky here with our rent.  The deal was, my landlady wouldn't raise it, and we would take care of the repairs.  Both of us lucked out in that deal.   And now, to move on with my story....

....The owner who passed away left the house to his two daughters.  His two sons are both alcoholics and drug addicts so he knew better to leave it to them.  The son who lives upstairs has been on his best behavior so I have no complaints about him, but lately, the other son has been coming around and partying in the basement at night...and I do mean at night.  The man has DJ equipment down there, and he and his wife blast the darned thing for 7 or 8 hours at a time.  It is located right under my bedroom and the reverberation from the base drives me up a wall.  Saturday they were there from 7 pm until 2:30 am.

Well, hubby talked me into calling my  landlady and let her know what is going on, and I do believe that was the biggest mistake I could have made.  There is no love lost behind her and the brothers, and she rode this thing to the hilt.  I can't tell you how she drove me crazy with one phone call after another, always repeating the same thing.  Get an order of protection so they can't come in the house.  They don't belong there.  They don't live there. etc. over and over again. The sister who has control of the house was on vacation and was due back yesterday.

Later in the evening I received a very pleasant email from the sister apologizing profusely for her brother's bad behavior and assuring me that it will not happen again.  I went to bed feeling so much at peace.  Then, when I got up in the morning, my world crumbled around me....

...I was having my morning coffee when the phone rang.  It was my landlady.  I let it go because 5:45 in the morning, I'm not ready to deal with this.  So, after I took my shower, I called her back,  and my day hasn't been the same since.  It seems that now the sister is so fed up with everything that she is going today to sign the house over to the two sons.  She stated she doesn't need the hassle and has a house of her own to take care of, so she is just letting it go.  What this means is that the two sons are going to have complete control of the house to do as they wish.  The music can blast 7 days a week, and I cannot do a thing about it.  I can call the police, yes, but who wants to live like that? The other son, who has been on his best behavior, will no longer have any reason to so , and I fear the house will become a crack den...

...and I am not just projecting the worse.  This is what these boys have wanted.  They're mind cannot comprehend that to own a house one has to pay the bills, have insurance, etc.,  or they will lose it.  My  landlady refuses to pay their way so, now she is talking of selling.   She has told us that we should start looking, but finding a place isn't a matter of going to a huge mall and picking one out.  It takes time.  I'm wondering  how much I can deal with with these two sons.

I apologize for laying this on you. I normally try to be upbeat, but this has totally thrown me for a loop. All those months, waiting in limbo, not knowing, and then finally being assured that everything was going to remain as it is, once again getting comfortable in my surroundings...and then having it all pulled out from under me like this. I want to cry, but I can't. It was a fight to control my tears while I was on the train, and now, here I am at work, and I still cannot let them flow. I know I will feel better once I let it out. Crying opens up your heart allowing the healing process begin. Crying releases all those pent up emotions that are bottled up inside--fear, stress, pain. Crying heals and allows you to move on.

So, I will go home tonight, and I will cry. I will let out all those negative emotions that have eaten away at me throughout the day. I will cry, and I will begin  will heal...and then I will move on. Because everything happens for a reason, and perhaps that reason is to move onto better things.  Right now it is just the newness of it, the letdown after I was feeling safe. After 12 years I am tired of being in the middle of a family feud, and a family that is not mine, no less.  It's time to move on, I know.  And I will.  No matter what, I've always landed on my feet, and I know I will do so again. 

Thank you for letting me share.

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either." - Golda Meir