Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Did You Ever Want to Escape From Reality?

Have you ever just felt like you could escape to some alternate reality where your problems fade away and joy fills your life?  Yes, I know.  Not realistic.  Problems are a part of life, and try as we might, we cannot run away from.  Instead, the only way through them is to face them head-on. 

I'm not doing very well at the present time.  Healthwise, I am as well as I can expect to be.  Emotionally, though, I am so totally drained.   Running away from it all seems like the best option, but I am too old to run.   I am also too old for  on-again, off-again nonsense about my home.  Not too long ago I got the word that our house was not going to be sold for a few years until the market price came up.  I can't tell you how relieved I was.  It's not my favorite place to live, but we really don't have the money to move, and now with hubby out of work, I don't know how we will pass the credit check, let alone find a place we can afford.  We're fairly lucky here with our rent.  The deal was, my landlady wouldn't raise it, and we would take care of the repairs.  Both of us lucked out in that deal.   And now, to move on with my story....

....The owner who passed away left the house to his two daughters.  His two sons are both alcoholics and drug addicts so he knew better to leave it to them.  The son who lives upstairs has been on his best behavior so I have no complaints about him, but lately, the other son has been coming around and partying in the basement at night...and I do mean at night.  The man has DJ equipment down there, and he and his wife blast the darned thing for 7 or 8 hours at a time.  It is located right under my bedroom and the reverberation from the base drives me up a wall.  Saturday they were there from 7 pm until 2:30 am.

Well, hubby talked me into calling my  landlady and let her know what is going on, and I do believe that was the biggest mistake I could have made.  There is no love lost behind her and the brothers, and she rode this thing to the hilt.  I can't tell you how she drove me crazy with one phone call after another, always repeating the same thing.  Get an order of protection so they can't come in the house.  They don't belong there.  They don't live there. etc. over and over again. The sister who has control of the house was on vacation and was due back yesterday.

Later in the evening I received a very pleasant email from the sister apologizing profusely for her brother's bad behavior and assuring me that it will not happen again.  I went to bed feeling so much at peace.  Then, when I got up in the morning, my world crumbled around me....

...I was having my morning coffee when the phone rang.  It was my landlady.  I let it go because 5:45 in the morning, I'm not ready to deal with this.  So, after I took my shower, I called her back,  and my day hasn't been the same since.  It seems that now the sister is so fed up with everything that she is going today to sign the house over to the two sons.  She stated she doesn't need the hassle and has a house of her own to take care of, so she is just letting it go.  What this means is that the two sons are going to have complete control of the house to do as they wish.  The music can blast 7 days a week, and I cannot do a thing about it.  I can call the police, yes, but who wants to live like that? The other son, who has been on his best behavior, will no longer have any reason to so , and I fear the house will become a crack den...

...and I am not just projecting the worse.  This is what these boys have wanted.  They're mind cannot comprehend that to own a house one has to pay the bills, have insurance, etc.,  or they will lose it.  My  landlady refuses to pay their way so, now she is talking of selling.   She has told us that we should start looking, but finding a place isn't a matter of going to a huge mall and picking one out.  It takes time.  I'm wondering  how much I can deal with with these two sons.

I apologize for laying this on you. I normally try to be upbeat, but this has totally thrown me for a loop. All those months, waiting in limbo, not knowing, and then finally being assured that everything was going to remain as it is, once again getting comfortable in my surroundings...and then having it all pulled out from under me like this. I want to cry, but I can't. It was a fight to control my tears while I was on the train, and now, here I am at work, and I still cannot let them flow. I know I will feel better once I let it out. Crying opens up your heart allowing the healing process begin. Crying releases all those pent up emotions that are bottled up inside--fear, stress, pain. Crying heals and allows you to move on.

So, I will go home tonight, and I will cry. I will let out all those negative emotions that have eaten away at me throughout the day. I will cry, and I will begin  will heal...and then I will move on. Because everything happens for a reason, and perhaps that reason is to move onto better things.  Right now it is just the newness of it, the letdown after I was feeling safe. After 12 years I am tired of being in the middle of a family feud, and a family that is not mine, no less.  It's time to move on, I know.  And I will.  No matter what, I've always landed on my feet, and I know I will do so again. 

Thank you for letting me share.

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either." - Golda Meir


  1. Oh dear, this is not good news. I feel bad for you but you're right -- time to get out of the middle of this dysfunctional situation. May the Goddess guide you to a new home and happier times.

  2. Oh my god, this is so awful! It seems that all you associate with security has been taken from you. I feel so incredibly bad for you.

    I have had times like these in my life - I call them "the towercard times." Like The Tower card, my whole world fell down, and I was helpless to do anything about it. Each time, however, I came to realize that this had to happen in order for things to change for the better. Having said that, going through this is NO PICNIC and it sometimes takes time before you see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you continue to use your blog to put your feelings and thoughts into words and that your followers continue to support you. I will also be thinking of you from now on when i do my Work.

    Just a thought - perhaps a banishing spell is in order?????

    Try to hang in.

  3. Mary. I can't even imagine the toll this is taking you you on all levels. Physically, emotionally, Spiritually and mentally. I have no words of wisdom to offer you but I can offer my prayers and candles.

  4. Hmmm...perhaps making a poppet and throwing this troublemaker in the freezer to freeze his bad acting is in order!

    Mary...I will be praying for you and your family to be Divinely led to the home you are meant to be in now...that the journey be gentle and the way paved, and your Highest Good be put into play.

    Yes, tears are healing Sister/Friend and you've every right to let them fall. I will light a candle for you as well. Holding you close to my heart as I know how difficult moving is.

    ((((Big Hugs!))))

  5. Oh Mary......good grief......I'm so sorry to hear that this situation has popped up again in your life. You have proven time and time again that you can revert to "Plan B" and you are one strong lady. Have your good cry to help the healing begin and then I know you'll get busy.

    Many hugs this morning dear friend,


  6. Oh my Dear, I am so sorry. And I had just written how happy I was, with you not having to worry about moving, at the time being.

    Your Dear Blogging Friends would so wish to be able to form a circle around you and keep the demons at bay. And hug you gently and let you cry out alllllllllllll the pent-up unhappiness. ("Unhappiness" doesn't do justice to how you are feeling, I know...)

    Gentle hugs...

  7. Mary, this is so not right! I am terribly sorry to hear about this new awful situation. But I so totally agree with the other comments, especially that something better will come of this situation. The Goddess will guide you. She has always worked her ways for us in our various problems. How I wish I lived closer so I could come sit at your kitchen table with you, share a cup of tea (or stronger if you are so inclined) and help figure out ways to solve this. The answer will come. We all love you Mary, and we will put our energies to Work for you too. Hugs!!!!

  8. I'm so sorry to hear you are having such problems. Bad neighbours are really annoying. I hope you can figure out how to handle this.
    I will be thinking of you. I have been in a same sort of situation and was so happy that we could move and have had good neighbours since then.
    Hang in there !!

  9. I come into the peace of wild things
    who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief....

    For a time I rest in the grace of the world,
    and am free.

    Wendell Berry,
    "The Peace of Wild Things"

    Just for today
    may you find your peace...

    In nature
    in the spirit of another age
    of ancient ways.

    Let the peace of wild things
    and the gentleness of
    the past
    caress your soul.

    Peace and loving blessings
    I send to you.


  10. HOLY SHIT!!!!


    (((HUGS)))and more (((HUGS)))

  11. just when you think things are going good...
    and even though it's a shock...maybe the sister's decision is not final. maybe she was just fed up...was having a bad day...and things will get back to normal around there.
    although...i guess...even normal wasn't so great with the son partying in the basement.

    i'd say, just try not to stress too much...take it slow...some things may happen...for a reason...do what you can to make changes...for the better.
    take care... :)

  12. Oh Mary, my heart goes out to you. Autumn is a time for changes, but not like this!!

    Send out your energy to find a good new place where you will be happy. Even though you are worried about a credit check, don't forget you've lived in that place for 12 years. That counts. You have proven stability.

    I too will light a candle and hold you and dear hubby in my heart.

  13. oh Mary... I can't say anything more than what has already been said...sending love to surround you [ps we are moving in a week..maybe scarce, but please email me if you need a friend.. xoxo - I have the crystal here for you, have been meaning to send it.. will I send it now or later?]

  14. sending hugs to you sweet Mary i do hope you manage to find your new home soon ans im sure it will be the right place for you maybe even a garden to tend :) hugs and much healing love to you x x x x x