Wednesday, November 17, 2010

8 someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit

It is healthy to accept myself as I am, to like myself, and to love myself.  It is okay for me to accept a compliment or praise. Because I am just as deserving and worthy as anyone else, I may treat myself as well as I treat others, live my own life, and enjoy my life.  There is a difference between being unselfish and being a martyr or a victim.  There is a time for putting myself first so that I may take care of myself and my needs.--Jill Wolf

I thought about this one long and hard.  Gosh, there are so many people who fall into this category.  What a sad thing for me to say!  But, what's even sadder is that I allowed myself to fall into this category.  I allowed myself to become everyone's doormat.  Dysfunctional men surrounded me, but isn't that because I drew them to me?  They say we get back what we toss out into the Universe.  Wasn't I just as dysfunctional as they were?  I could have turned around and run the other way, but, no, instead I allowed myself to be romanced into relationships I knew were destructive.  Come on, now.  When someone breaks your jaw, why the heck would you go out and marry the creep three months later?  Yep, I am guilty.  I am guilty of self-loathing, that indelible feeling that you don't deserve any better....that feeling that your life is not worth anything unless you are fixing someone else.  And so, you float from one destructive relationship to the next, all the while thinking that if you can fix him....if you can just fix will be all right.  And, the truth be told, you are the one who needs fixing.

And, it wasn't just romantic relationships, no, I allowed everyone to abuse me....even my bosses.  I was always the one who overworked, who did her share along with everyone else's share.  I was the one who never said no to overtime, even if I had something else planned or was just plain burned out.  My boss had to like me.  Everyone had to like me.  That's because I didn't like myself.  

So, the answer to this truth is 'I' was the one who made my life hell; I treated myself like shit.  Sure, no one had the right to abuse me--lover, friend, boss--but I let it happen.  Yes, my self-esteem was low; yes, I'd grown up in a not-so-loving household.  Maybe I am not to blame; maybe I am...but the question is someone who has made my life hell and that would be me.  I put myself into these situations.  I could have put my tail between my legs and run the other way, but I chose to stay.  

That WAS me;  fortunately, it's not me anymore. Ironically, when we hit our twenties, we feel we are grown, but there is no set age for growth.  It takes some of us longer.  I had to reach my 50's to find out who I really am...and, yes, there are times the old victim me tries to creep back in, but fortunately, I am able to cut her off at the pass....and there are times, too, both at work and at home that I find myself doing more than my fair share...and I have to watch that it doesn't get out of hand.  And today, now, the tables are turned, and I am the one trying to help others dig their way out the hole they have dug for themselves just as a wise counselor did for me...and I know I am good at helping others it because I have been there myself.   Thank you for letting me share.

You are in charge of your feelings, beliefs, and actions. And you
teach others how to behave toward you.  While you cannot
change other people, you can influence them through your
own behaviors and actions.  By being a living role model of what
you want to receive from others, you create more of
what you want in your life.
Eric Allenbaugh


  1. ~i feel much the same...that i can not blame another for the choices i made and the consequences that came to be...i used to as it was the easy way to deal with such but it never brought truth and closer to my feeling...when i started accepting i do have started to change...wise words at the end..."you can teach others to behave towars you"...i have been discussing this with my oldest...mary you have come so far and are a gift to so many...much l♥ve and light upon you always~

  2. Dear Mary...except for the geographical location, name, and face, our lives are a living parallel. And I am moved each day I come here to see what you is very cathartic to know that someone else has experienced much of the same life experience as ones self. In this season of gratefulness and thanksgiving I send up a living prayer for you and others who lived this and found the power within to become their Highest Self!
    A'HO! Bless You Dear Woman!

  3. I always feel like that too. That I have no worth and that people have to like me. I'm getting better at not listening to those thoughts and feelings because I know they are wrong. But at the same time they can be so convincing!

    I used to be terrible shy as well, and I am still shy! And I wish I wasn't.

    It's a struggle to accept who we are isn't it.

    I don't want to worry about what people think anymore. I just want to enjoy life.

  4. We are all our own worst enemies in the big scheme of things, aren't we?

  5. yep. You said it. I guess there is no denying it - because if we truly absolutely loved and valued ourselves, we would not be in situations with these people. People will continue to treat others badly but it's only those who feel they deserve that will stay and take it. I've been guilty of that before in my life, now not so much! I think for some of us, self love takes a long time to develop

  6. This post couldn't have been written at a better time.
    I copied it and gave it to my daughter Jill to read.
    After she read it, she said " I get the point of it."
    Let's see . She definately got food for thought.
    THX Mary