Serenity...Peace....Quietude. Ah, the elusive time of having nothing to do. Do any of us 'city dwellers' really know what it feels like just to drift along aimlessly with no place to go and nothing to do? I wonder sometimes what it feels like...not to have someone to take care of, but to have someone take care of me.
Today was just an awful, awful day...one of those days that you want to curl up under the covers and sleep away. It was one of those "Murphey's Law" days...the subway was late, and even though I give myself ample time to have at least 30 minutes to unwind before I start work, I walked in just as it was time to run my group...Yahoo mail has been acting up the past several days, and today it was absolutely enough to drive anyone up a wall....And then, there are all these walk in's. Mama Mary will make it all better. Take my word for it, I love having a job that allows me to help others; I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my life...but in taking pride and doing the best I can do in my job, I've opened myself up for a case of burnout.
The Serenity prayer tells us to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Well, I have to accept that this is my chosen career, and I really wouldn't want to be doing anything else with my life, but is there something I could change? There is...and I can. I tell my clients that the first step in recovery is to surrender to their Higher Power. Well, the first step in MY recovery is to surrender to my tiredness. This a tough one for me; actually, I think that is a tough one for most of us. That is not how we have been trained to act. We keep going and going thinking we can do it all...just like that little "ever ready battery bunnie"...until we find ourselves just plain bone-weary.
To nourish our souls and our bodies, we need to surrender to tiredness before it become exhaustion. I am pretty close to that mark right now. I know better than to allow myself to get this far along, but sometimes it is just hard for me to say, "I am allowed to rest." I've taken care of others for so long (husband, children clients) , I find it hard to take care of me. iIt's time for me to sit, rest, and replenish. Surrendering to tiredness is not easy, but you must give yourself that permission. I know tonight, right now, I am giving myself that 'permission' right now to rest and replenish in the perfect right way for me...a good meal, a good television show (Criminal Minds one of my favs), some meditation, and sleep. Find the way that's right for you, and do it. Only YOU can take care of you.