Monday, September 14, 2009

Riding the Coaster

Okay, so here I day after I said that I would be taking a break from this I am posting again. I just can't stay away. This is the only one of my blogs where I am me...where I can really express my thoughts and feelings. And, as of this moment, my life is much like the photo above--a roller coaster. I feel darned if I do, and darned if I don't. I am sure you know what I mean; we've all had those times in our lives. I feel as if I have reached a 'fork in the road' but am unable to choose in which direction to go--spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Well, there's not much I can do about the physical direction. I've almost accepted that pain will be a daily part of my life. For those that don't know me, I suffer from fibromyaligia and arthritis in the back which stems from an old injury. I guess I am lucky because, up to this point, I haven't had to rely on medication...only an occasional Motrin. But, it seems to be getting worse lately ... and that is adding to my 'emotional' instability right now.

It is only natural to feel, at times, depressed when you have to deal with pain on a daily basis. And, I am not really depressed...not the truly mental health kind of depressed where I cannot get up in the morning. I am just feeling sad....sad that I am unappreciated and over-worked on my job...but is that the truth? Or is it just a feeling? I DO know that a lot of responsibility is piled on me at work and sometimes I just don't want to deal with it. Like today. This is why I am sitting here writing on this blog and not doing my work.

Spiritually? I am at peace that I have finally found my took me long enough. What displeases me is that I found it at a time in my life where I cannot wholly participate in it. Because of my fibro, I don't get out much anymore...only to go to work. I would love to participate in a Druid ritual...a a night with the Moon shining down on me. Oh, that is my dream.

Enough whining for today. So, what am I going to do with this blog? I'd like to thank my friend, Sobeit, for her suggestions on some good books. Payday is Friday so I 'will' be looking into them. I'm also thinking of just posting some odds and ends...maybe some Mabon stuff...rituals, things to do, recipes. Maybe even some book reviews. There's really lots I can do here. Just have to put it all together. Thanks for listening.

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