Sticks and Stones

A wise old owl sat on an oak,
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard;
Why aren't we like that wise old bird?
--Edward Hersey Richards--

On Tuesday, I run a Women's Empowerment Group; it is my favorite group, and I rarely miss a Tuesday. When women come into treatment, they are so beaten down. Their self-esteem as well as their bodies has been battered. Talking about issues is healing, and I get such a feeling as I watch my women grow. Yesterday's topic was hurtful words...words either said to us or by us...words that have been blurted out before any thinking had taken place....hateful, hurtful words. In many cases, family members and friends, not knowing how to deal with addiction, sometimes use their words as weapons thinking that somehow they will get through, and their loved one will be saved...but it never seems to work that way. In fact, the very person they are trying to help is usually so hurt and traumatized that they feel the need to retaliate, and they,in turn, utter their own hurtful words. 

Name calling, bullying, bitter, hurtful words can destroy a person,a relationship. Words can sting and cut someone like a knife. Verbal attacks leave the victim crying out in pain, and poorly chosen and harsh words may easily scar someone beyond the point of forgiveness or apology. Once spoken, words cannot be taken back, and no matter how many I'm sorry's are said, the ramifications can continue to cause the victim emotional pain for many years to come.  Sometimes we may not really mean it.  In the heat of an argument, we just blurt things out, say things we don't even know we are saying.  We may not even realize that we have hurt someone until they turn a cold shoulder toward us...and when it finally hits us, we might want to eat our words, but it doesn't work that way.

I am sure you all remember the following...Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. That is so not true, but what do children know!!! When bones are broken, they can always be put back together and with time, they will heal, but when words are spoken, it can take weeks, months and even years for the scar of the words to heal. And, it is an unfortunate fact of life that every day there are children out there who are being teased, taunted, and ridiculed in schoolyards and playgrounds every day. When you are the victim, it is not a nice feeling.  All you want to do is find some corner and crawl into an hide.  It hurts; I know.  I was one of those children. Sadly, not much is done about it. Parents and teachers believe that teasing is just a normal phase of growth and that the child will grow out of it, but it is so more than that. Teasing and making a child feel left out and unwanted can scar the other child for life. Many children carry the pain around until they grow into teenagers and turn into adults. And, when a child is also being verbally abused in the home, it's a double whammy for the victim.

As adults, we sometimes just fire out words because we may be frustrated about something, and we have to take it out on someone.  We forget to think twice before we speak.  Verbal abuse never really goes away; it molds who we become. Although I am far less sensitive than I once was, it took me years to overcome this, and even today, sometimes, someone may say something that I take the wrong way, and immediately tears come to my eyes, and, before I know it, all the old feelings back again. A man may become so angry that he abuses the wife, unwittingly teaching the same thing to his son.  Someone else may become a thief, a murderer, a rapist.  To some of you it may seem far-fetched from schoolyard name-calling to criminality, but when all of this pain and rejection are bottled up for so many years, it can and does happen.

If we are to stop this chain, it has to begin with us. Before you say something you will regret, just stop and take a breath. If you need to, walk away for a few minutes; then come back after you have thought about the message that you are truly trying to convey. It takes two people to argue. Don't be pulled in. That way there will be nothing said that you will regret later.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Once Upon a Time

Some days I can't stop writing; words continue flowing and I have to stop myself or I could write pages and pages on my blog.  Yet other days, famine strikes, and I could sit the entire day staring at the white page and barely get a sentence out.  I've learned not to force it.  When I first began blogging, I thought I had to have something exciting and readable written by me every day. Since that time, I've learned that it is impossible to keep up that pace, and some days, it's enough just to share something I found that I think you, my readers, would like as well.  The following poem brings chills when I read it for I do remember Once Upon a Time.

ONCE upon a time rare flowers grew
 On every shrub and bush we used to see;
The skies above our heads were always blue,
The woods held secrets deep for you and me;
 The hillsides had their caves where tales were told
 Of swart-cheeked pirates from a far-off clime,
When cutlases were fierce and rovers bold -
Don't you remember? - Once upon a time.

Once upon a time from sun to sun
The hours were full of joy - there was no care,
And webs of gaudy dreams in air were spun
 Of deeds heroic and of fortunes fair;
The jangling schoolhouse bell was all the woe
Our spirits knew, and in its tuneless chime.
Was all the sorrow of the long ago-
 Don't you remember? - Once upon a time.

Once upon a time the witches rode
 In sinister and ominous parade
Upon their sticks at night, and queer lights glowed
With eerie noises by the goblins made;
And many things mysterious there were .
For boyish cheeks to pale at through the grime
 That held them brown; and shadows queer would stir-
Don't you remember? - Once upon a time.

Once upon a time our faith was vast
 To compass all the things on sea and land
That boys have trembled o'er for ages past,
Nor ever could explain or understand,
And in that faith found happiness too deep
 For all the gifted tongues of prose or rime,
And joys ineffable we could not keep -
 Don't you remember? - Once upon a time.
 

--James W. Foley 1905, from 'Boys and Girls'--

October Memories

October, here's to you.
Here's to the heady aroma of the frost-kissed apples,
the winey smell of ripened grapes,
the wild-as-the-wind smell of hickory nuts
and the nostalgic whiff of that first wood smoke.

Ken Weber

 

October is one of those months that can easily cast a spell on you and not only because within it dwells the most "bewitching" of festivals. It is, I think,one of nature's most brilliant and colorful seasons. Orange and yellow hues are everywhere as the leaves change and begin to fall to the ground. Cooler days and frostier nights come along with the changing leaves, the smell of the air is crisp...the harbingers of the upcoming winter. And the days have become much shorter, the nighttime arriving earlier, and darkness now has a greater reign over October's eerie and unearthly ambiance.

"O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away." -   Robert Frost, October

Halloween brings with it memories of pumpkins, goblins, ghosts and witches. Everyone had jack=o-lanterns displayed in their windows. We decorated our paper bags and waited until dark to go cruising throughout the neighborhood. Once in a great while we'd hear a tale that some 'big kid' stole some 'little kid's' candy bag and ran away, but there was nothing more dangerous than that. No razor blades in apples...no poison in the candy bars. Things were so much simpler back then...in a time when my biggest worry was what which character I was going to be for the upcoming festivities. My imagination, so much less encumbered, saw and heard the cackling witches as they sliced through the sky on their broomsticks.  Ten o’clock was our bewitching hour, and we returned home with bags filled candy. Included in the treats were homemade candy, popcorn balls and apples. “I got some dollar bills!” I cried out with excitement, my face flushed with joy.  

Like magic, this time of year makes me forget all of my worries by allowing the fun and beauty of the season take over for once a year, every October, we're granted a chance to get back in touch with that inner child that still lurks inside us somewhere...to escape just a little from all of the responsibilities that weigh upon our shoulders. October offers us a chance to be childlike in our wonder and a time to get caught up, in kid-like fashion, in the enjoyment of the festivities and decorations of the season. And it's an opportunity to allow ourselves to be frightened by the monsters of myth and the legends from the past which is a lot more fun than being terrorized by the monsters of the present. 

I've never known anyone yet who doesn't suffer
a certain restlessness when autumn rolls around. We're all eight years old again and anything is possible.

Sue Grafton

Halloween Superstitions

Gosh, it is so hard to believe that Halloween is around the corner.  It is, by far, my favorite time of the year.  We always have a big shindig for the clients at work, and the decorations are already up.  I've got my witch hat and wig and am raring to go.  It's about all of the fun stuff I get.  There is no Halloween in my neighborhood.  The year we moved in, I went all out.  I bought so much candy.  Prior to this, our entrance was in the back, and no one bothered to come.  So, I went out the first year and bought so much candy....and then I sat, and I waited...and I waited...and no one came.

Since that time I've learned a lot about the place where I live.  The prominent religion of the neighborhood does not believe in it, and the few families that do, well, they basically have taken their children 'trick or treating' long before I am home from work. Heck, I can't even put a pumpkin out because the teenagers come along and smash it. I tend to forget sometimes that things aren't as safe as they used to be. Basically, my Halloween at this point of my life is a quiet time spent honoring and communing with my ancestors...and, of course, no matter how old I get, I still get quite a kick out of the superstitions.

Superstitions have been a part of human life since the beginning of time for humanity, as a whole, has always sought to understand its surroundings and will interpret life by that understanding. Every culture has its own set of set of superstitions which arise from religious beliefs, fear, or just not knowing why certain things happen. Halloween is traditionally the time when common superstitions, folklore, myths and omens appear to carry more weight to those who believe. Take a look at some of the popular Halloween superstitions given below...and my friends, before you dismiss them as pure hogwash, think again. They have been around for too long to be written off. 

A burning a candle inside a jack-o-lantern on Halloween keeps evil spirits and demons at bay.

Always burn new candles on Halloween to ensure the best of luck. It is not a good idea to burn Halloween candles at any other time of the year. It may bring bad luck or strange things will happen to you, over which you will have no control.

A person born on Halloween can both see and talk to spirits.

You should walk around your home three times backwards and counterclockwise before sunset on Halloween to ward off evil spirits.

t is believed that if a person lights a new orange colored candle at midnight on Halloween and lets it burn until sunrise, he or she will be the recipient of good luck. 

When you ring a bell on Halloween, all the scary, evil spirits will fly away. Hmmm!!!!  I wonder if that includes doorbells? Think how many get rung on Halloween night!

On Halloween night, if you see a bat flitting around early in the evening, then you'll have good weather the next day.

In North America, it's bad luck if a black cat crosses your path and good luck if a white cat crosses your path. In Britain, Ireland, and Japan it's exactly the opposite!

If you go to a crossroads at Halloween and listen to the wind, you will learn all the most important things that will befall you during the next twelve months.

If a bat flies into a house it is a sign that ghosts are about and maybe the ghost let the bat in!

If you put your clothes on inside out as well as outside walk backwards on Halloween night. At midnight you will see a witch in the sky.

Never cross a threshold when trick-or-treating, or you will carry away the evil spirits of the home which you have visited.

Thank You

For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night,

For health and food, for love and friends,

For everything Thy goodness sends.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

In life, there are cycles of good and bad. There are times when our lives seem joyful and easy, and times when we're struggling through what seem like endless series of difficulties.  These past few days, weeks, in fact, have been quite discouraging with the loss of my backyard critters, being intimidated by an unstable client, so many appliances breaking down; Watch the news and people are killing and robbing each other.  Unemployment is high.  Prices in the stores and rents keep going up, but salaries remain the same. it's been so easy to become discouraged.  Sometimes we tend to forget about thankfulness...about gratitude.

I've been feeling sorry for myself lately, and sadly, a sense of  gratitude was the furthest thing from my mind recently. I'd forgotten to count my blessings.  I've a loving husband and two wonderful sons...a decent job that pays the rent and puts food on the table. Being grateful for what we have, what we see, what we taste and experience...what we are and what we possess...there are blessings all around us if we take the time to notice them. When I first started blogging a little over a year ago, I didn't know anything about it.  I didn't know what to expect. I'd always been a Yahoo group person and just assumed that was the ultimate end, but, I have found so much more here. Today I am blessed to have met so many wonderful people...people I have never met personally...and may never meet personally, but individuals I, nonetheless, consider my friends.

First there was the surprise package from Spirit Pheonix   which was waiting for me when I arrived home last night. If I recall, her blog was one of the first I began following when I discovered what following meant. Yes, I was a total blog nerd and still am in many ways. Recently, I was blessed to be the recipient of her surprise blog birthday giveaway of an Ideal Afternoon.  In the the package was the Nora Roberts Key Trilogy and four different kinds of hot chocolate. Now, I can't wait for the cooler weather to finally arrive so I can truly enjoy such a thoughtful gift.

And, wow, on the same day to discover that I've been blessed with still another giveaway...this one from Faerwillow at Serendipity.    Oh, such a wonderful person with a beautiful blog that always leaves you with a feeling of peace and comfort when you visit there.  

And to top it all off, this magnificent award from Debra at She Who Seeks.   It is truly an honor.  There are a few rules attached.  I've already linked to my dear blog friend, Debra who always make my morning brighter.  Now, I link to the person who created this award. Hazra at Advance Booking   The third and final rule is to choose 7 of my favorite bloggers who always have at least one new post to read all the time.  Sorry, can't do it.  You're all so wonderful.  This award belongs to each and every one of you.

Please, do check out their blogs if you haven't already.  All are special in their own unique ways.  I love them all. Each has a special place in my heart.  Thanks, ladies, for reminding me of what I have to be grateful for.  Last night I went through my journal and found a few little things that I would like to share with you. Journal keeping is something I have done for so many years that I have given up counting.  Some journals are my thoughts, my feelings...others are little quotes, poems, and other little goodies I found throughout the years.

Whenever I come home tired from work or complain about paying m bills, it is time to think of others who lost their jobs and homes in these poor economic times.  I will be patient and be grateful that I still have my work.

I will be grateful for my mistakes for they are the lessons I am meant to learn in life.

I will embrace the fact that I am tired and drained because that means I am still alive and that I have made a difference. 

Happiness is a choice, so I choose to see the goodness in others and the things that surround me. 

And, I would like to add, today is Blog Action Day 2010, a day to honor water, a day to post anything about water that touches our spirit, so in honor of the day I offer the following:

Break, break, break
On thy cold grey stones, O Sea!
And I would that my tongue could utter
The thoughts that arise in me.

O well for the fisherman's boy,
That he shouts with his sister at play!
O well for the sailor lad,
That he sings in his boat on the bay!

And the stately ships go on
To their haven under the hill;
But O for the touch of a vanished hand,
And the sound of a voice that is still!

Break, break, break
At the foot of thy crags, O Sea!
But the tender grace of a day that is dead
Will never come back to me.

--By Alfred Tennyson--

Look to This Day

What a great surprise when I got in to work today.  Actually I almost called in sick rather than spend another day staring at nothingness, but I'm back online, the virus is gone...although I am still a little anxious to click on anything except for those people and sites that I know...which is sad.  We shouldn't have to be afraid to click something on our own computers. I may seem like a nerd, but computer viruses frighten me. Here at work, I always have the Help Desk to call here at work, but my home computer really frightens me.  That's why I keep it so well protected. I've notice that the Help Desk uses a free program called Bleeping Computers which seems to be the only thing that gets rid of them.  I love the word free and am definitely thinking of seeing what they have to offer.

By the way, I wrote  yesterday's blog the night before and set it with a timer.  Kept checking on my cell phone, and I noticed it didn't post itself until several hours after I had set it to post, but eventually it did post...so, I am not going to complain. I am not going to complain about anything; I am just so happy to have a computer. Makes for a boring day it is when you sit and do nothing.  

Look to this day!

For it is life, the very life of life.

In its brief course lie all the verities

and realities of your existence:

The bliss of growth

The glory of action

The splendor of achievement,

For yesterday is but a dream

And tomorrow is only a vision,

But today well lived makes every yesterday

a dream of happiness

And tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day!

Such is the salutation to the dawn.

from the Sanskrit

 I was sitting at my desk yesterday, bored, trying to find a game on my cell phone, just trying to find something to d, something to keep me occupied, and before I realized it, I was thinking about how anxious I was to get home. It was barely 2 pm, and already I was projecting into the future. Then, before I long, I found myself already thinking about all the work I have to do this weekend...and how am I going to do it all...and how I wish I had a weekend to rest...and, oh, how tired I am going to be...and on and on until I actually found myself dreading the weekend. All negative projections, and the weekend the weekend is yet to come.  What is the old saying?  'Today will be yesterday, but tomorrow will never come.' To be honest, I don't know if that's an old saying or something I made up in my head.  Sometimes my brain don't work so well anymore. No matter what, today, this moment, this is all we've got.  It's the only thing we have control over. That is something many of us tend to forget.

 

So, we  spend  our entire lives in a past that no longer exists or a future that may never be real, never enjoying what we have today, at this present moment.  Yesterday with all its mistakes, disappointments, and sorrows is gone forever...once it has happened there is no going back...even the happy moments and triumphs have disappeared into the recesses of our memories. And we lose the beauty of our present when we remain stuck in the past. The past is gone, and there is absolutely nothing we can do to alter any of it.  All we can do is go on...

...but, tomorrow is yet to come. Of course, it is very important for each of us to dream and to hold that dream in our hearts and work towards it, but we must remember to stay in the present.   Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow is only a vision, and today is all we have. Many of us are unfulfilled because we fail to focus our attention on what is taking place right now  Time slips away so quickly, and in today's world, we never know what tomorrow will bring. This means we have to learn how to appreciate that what we do today can mold our tomorrow and prevent us from regretting yesterday. Enjoy life one day at a time and remember that "today" used to be called "tomorrow." Time moves on.

Living with Conscience

Peace of mind just can't be bought.
Trust me:  Even if your conscience
doesn't stop you from playing dirty
to get what you want, once you get
it, it will keep you from enjoying it.
As my mother used to say, "A good conscience is God's eye."  

Which is
why I always prefer a loss to
an underhanded gain; the one
brings pain at the moment,
the other for all time.

--Patti LaBelle--

I have to wonder how long these residual effects from Mercury retrograde are going to last.  It just never seems to end.  My home phone is in and out and the company keeps coming out to fix it, but the first windy day, it starts acting up again.  I say, 'Stop repairing the old and bring in the new.  You certainly take my money quick enough each month, don't you?'  So, I have finally broken down and entered into the 21st century.  I bought a cell phone.  Hubby's got one, but he is always forgetting the darned thing at work, and it was kind of scary going through a 3 day weekend with no phone in the house.  My son has his, but he works at night, so any problems, we would have been up a creek.

And now, my work computer again.  I am so angry.  Everything was fine yesterday morning when I decided to check my work email....something I rarely do.  There was a message there from someone I used to work with a few years ago, and I was so excited to hear from him.  So, I anxiously opened his email, or what I thought was his email.  Big mistake!!!!  Immediately, a big message came up from Microsoft Essential Security came up, and I was locked out of everything. I am generally so, so careful about opening emails because I fear something happening to my computer...so, beware...be extremely careful with emails even though you know the person who supposedly sent it.

Hence, the quote above about living with conscience.  I have never been able to understand how someone could send these things through the system to hurt people they don't even know.  Where is the thrill in that?  I just don't see it.  So, I asked the man at the help desk and his words were kind of chilling.  Many of these people who have developed these worms, viruses, etc., they already have the antidote.  And many are 'out of work' computer nerds who end up getting hired because they know how to fix it.  When you look at it, they are paid to inflict harm to others. Talk about a lack of conscience.  

But, sadly, no everyone was raised with the same morals as you and I. I'm blessed to have a job and to have the money to keep my computer protected with the best of services out there, but what about the others...the elderly on fixed incomes, the invalids, what about those who use the computer as their only outlet to the outside world.  Why?  Because there are people out there who will walk over anyone just to get what they want...and that is very sad.

And please, my friends, have no fear.  You will never catch a computer virus from me. 

It is not because people's
desires are strong that they
act ill; it is because their
consciences are weak.
There is no natural connection
between strong impulses and
a weak conscience.  The natural
connection is the other way.

--John Stuart Mill--