Gosh, it has been a full week since I have been here. I have been so busy that I hadn't even realized so much time has gone by. I've been planning my son's funeral. On Monday I purchased the plot.
I also purchased the urn.
And the eulogy cards.
And finally, I the guest book.
My hubby's sister is going to come with the deacon and they will give the service. It hasn't been easy, made all the harder by Covid restrictions. There will be no inside service so we will all gather around the site. No more than 15 people can come so my son is going to livestream for those others who can't.
Now I am focusing on where we can go to eat afterwards. Not easy. Must find a place with outdoor dining and parking. I'm leaning towards a place called Spumoni Gardens which brings me to this question. I'd planned on ordering a Sicilian pie for each table. That's what they specialize in. Dinners there are pricey and not very big. Then I will have a few small appetizers on the table and the drinks. That shouldn't run me any more than $200. Now here is my question. I believe that it's the families responsibility to pay for this. Hubby says no, everyone should pay for their own, that that's the way it is done. I need some help in this.
Personally, I'd do the 'meet and greet' there at the cemetery. I think eating would be beyond me. If friends/family want to provide food, maybe something simple at a close-by park. Not really an answer to your question, I guess.
ReplyDeleteThere is not many places for us to go here.
DeleteI feel that you have done very well arranging your son's resting place. It is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteIn the funerals that I have attended in my lifetime, it was always the one who arranged everything that paid for the meal. But only you can make this decision.
Hugs Mary. I know this is hard on you 💮
Exactly. That's what I said, but hubby said no. It's been like that in every funeral I have attended.
Deleteis there a park nearby? how about a pot luck picnic?
ReplyDeleteThere is a park, yes, but they are kind of picky with people and food here in the parks.
DeleteI think that the person who arranges the funeral also pays for the meal. However, when my husband died, a friend surprised me with a custom that is popular in some parts of the country - she gave me a card with some cash because she knew it would come in handy, and she was right. I have done the same ever since, and I am hoping that some in your family will have the same tradition. I am holding good thoughts for you through this experience . . .
ReplyDeleteThat's what I thought too. The person who arranges the funeral pays. I really don't mind paying if we go to Spumoni Gardens. It won't run more than $200.
DeleteThat was wonderful for your friend to do. It would be nice, but I'm not looking for them to do anything. In fact one of my old neighbors who wants to come is already talking about appetizers on the table. Excuse me?
DeleteYou have been busy. I am sorry for the sad necessity.
ReplyDeleteHere the family pays for the meal, but I am not certain how universal that is.
I know my hubby is wrong unless it's a Domincan thing that everyone pays their own way.
DeleteYou picked a beautiful urn and final resting place for your son, Mary. Both my parents had graveside services only and then everyone met at a chosen restaurant after for eats/drinks. As executor, I paid the restaurant tab and reimbursed the cost out of the estates. I don't believe that attendees at a service should pay their own tabs. I have never seen that done. Even at a big traditional funeral, the estate pays for the catered luncheon afterwards.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what I plan to do. I don't know where hubby got that idea. It's actually rude to invite them and then ask them to pay.
DeleteThat looks a lovely place and I like the urn.
ReplyDeleteHere the family usually pays for the meal.
Thinking of you
All the best Jan
It is a beautiful place.
DeleteI'm with you, I think the family should be responsible when it comes to paying.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, every funeral I went to the family paid.
DeleteIf funeral dinner is at a restaurant. I seen it done both ways each person and or family pays for their own food. But I been to the family of one who passed picks up the tab. But what every way you decided it would be fair to let everyone knows
ReplyDeleteMy son and I will split costs.
DeleteUsually the family covers the cost of the food....but you have to remember that it will mostly be family there due to Covid restrictions...so each way works in your case!
ReplyDeleteExactly. My son and I discussed this last night and we will split the cost.
DeleteAll those I have had in my family, we have paid. However, if it is a burden for the family, I am sure the guests wouldn’t mind pitching in as long as they know beforehand.
ReplyDeleteAll the things you have chosen for your son are just lovely, including the place where he will lay.
Same here. That's how it's been for me every time I attended a funeral.
DeleteI am so so sorry to hear of your son's passing. Haven't been here in a long time. Please accept my condolences. <3
ReplyDeleteThe way my family and those they knew did it was who ever was arranging the funeral spouse, parent, etc paid for the meal.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma paid for it when her parents passed because she was in charge. As well as for when my grandpa, my uncle, and my dad passed. When she passed, I paid. She had money set aside for this specifically.
when my mother's mother passed, I think my mother paid out of what her mother had in the bank at the time. If not, then all the siblings chipped in together.
I think though in these times we are living in, I don't know that I would have such a gathering. I'd be too afraid to.