Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I Have no Words

In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry. Margaret Laurence
Hi everyone.  Right about now I am feeling pretty bad.  So sorry if I worried you.  I'm so sorry I didn't keep in touch.  I really wanted to and each day planned on a post, but by the end of the day, I'd go to bed and remember that I hadn't been here.  Just got so busy that things kept slipping my mind.  Time to get back on track.  So, here is what has been happening.

The spring semester began and the classes I took this year actually gave me homework.  I took some great classes this semester and let some others go.  No more Tai Chi for me.  I just cannot do it.  Perhaps it was that the gym was just so hot that I couldn't concentrate, but that's just an excuse.  I also let the nutrition class go.  Just didn't have any faith in the instructor.  I did sign up for "A Parting of the Ways", a course of Judaism and Christianity and how they branched out so many years back as well as things they still have in common.  We're talking the true Judaism and Christianity that is.

I also took a poetry course which consumed much of my time and I didn't learn anything.  I wanted to learn how to write poetry, but this class was more of a workshop for people who already knew, and try as I might, for hours at a time, I just couldn't get a poem written that I liked.  Once again I'm taking Spanish and this year we have homework in it.  Also taking a course on Aging and Society, a sociology course with essays to write.  Also have a few online courses going on.  Poetry as Art. I'm determined and to be honest I'm enjoying that a lot better than the one in school.  Just finished a course on Dinosaurs, another on nutrition, and a reading club. 

On top of all that, my darn computer keeps crashing.  I know it's on its way out.  Didn't expect it to last this long.  After all, who knows what parts the guy put in it when he built it, but when you are desperate for a computer and he only charges $250 for one he builds himself, you go ahead and take the chance.  So, now I just purchased a laptop with Windows 10 and talk about being confused.  I'm a nerd when it comes to computers.  Right now I'm on my old PC with Windows 7.

I also decided that the best gift I can give my daughter for Christmas is a book of our family tree which is another reason I wanted a laptop.  I can take it to the library and print whatever I write or other things that will need printing.  Having a hard time with Word, though, because the darn thing has auto correct.  I'll get there.

Healthwise, I've been okay.  Lost 46. 6 pounds although I think this week will be a gain.  I've been nursing a nasty cold, and I am just the opposite of most people when I am sick.  I get an appetite.  In fact, I've been a bottomless pit and without my walking exercise, I don't even want to see the scare.  I am also having some problems with my teeth and am hoping they hold out until school is out and I can get some kind of insurance.  Medicare and Emblem Health doesn't pay much in the way of dental insurance.

I've been up and down emotionally.  I still cry over my little girl and the loss of my mom.  It just hurts that I couldn't say good bye.  Now my daughter is saying that she might have been wrong telling me not to come and explained to me how she found my album on my mom's bed.  Mom had kept it hidden all these years and then when she knew she was going to make her transition, she brought it out for all to see.  I have it now.  But I told my daughter that the guilt lies with me.  I should have insisted on going.  Not only that, but I should have insisted on going home sooner despite what mom said.  I shouldn't have taken her word for it when she told me that my children hated me and it would hurt them if I showed up.  I thought I was doing the right thing, but I found out that mom hadn't been honest with me.  But, I'm not going to ruminate on that.  She's my mom and I love her no matter what, and I'm blessed to have a second chance with my children.  In fact, my sons and I are going out to my daughter's home in Colorado in December for a family reunion.  All my grands will be there.

Well, guess I'd best cut this off now.  I could go on and on.  Promise I'll be here more often from now on.


  1. Sometimes life gets in the way doesn't it?
    I admire you for your attitude to your mama. Not one I have managed. Lies are very difficult for me to get over.

  2. Hi Mary,

    No matter what path I've chosen in life, I've discovered love conquers all, for this moment is all I have.

  3. Wow, you have been a busy bee! Homework? Yuck! But it's good to keep yourself busy, active and engaged. Glad to hear that your relationship with your daughter and other family is going well, even if you have regrets about your Mom. That family reunion in December sounds like it will be wonderful!

  4. So glad you are back, and if not fully well, at least recovering! You have been doing all sorts of interesting things, and thinking all sorts of productive thoughts - inspiring.