Let go a little to have a little peace. Let go a lot to have a lot of peace.
This morning I am feeling like a terrible person. My sister-in-law passed on Tuesday, and I have no feelings. I feel guilty that I cannot mourn. After all, I am an ordained minister. I should be able to forgive. But she was such a miserable person who treated me poorly at least 95 percent of the time. I'm not going to get into all the hateful things she did to me. I think those I could forgive. It's what she did to my sons that tears me apart. She robbed them of their inheritance and now some strange freeloading man who lived off my sister-in-law and a greedy sister will be getting what is rightfully theirs.
I married into a very strong willed and prejudiced Italian family and was never really accepted. I wasn't Italian to start with. For 15 years I put up with physical and emotional abuse by my ex and emotional abuse by his family. Nothing I ever did was good enough. So, after 15 years I parted ways with them, not an easy task because by that time they had pretty much beaten me down. I attended a counseling program for women like myself and never spoke to the family again. Threats had been made, and I took them seriously, but I never said a bad word about the family to my sons. To this day there are things they don't know, and they worship their father. I can't take that away from them.
That was about 23 years ago. There is only one family member left now, a sister living in Florida, greedy as can be, but now is not the time to talk about it. In 1996 my ex, his father, and his mother all died within 6 months of each other. My sister-in-law in Florida received cash and the house was divided between the sister-in-law who just passed and my ex under the condition that should something happen to him, his share would go to my sons. Well, somehow she conned my ex into signing his share over to her for the sum of $10. We believe he was under heavy medication at the time. My boys have tried to legally fight this for many years to no avail.
But, enough of that for today. It's Mabon, the fall equinox is here. This is the day I waited for, the day that seemed so far away when we were in the midst of that hot and humid summer weather. Do you have any special plans? As important as this day is to me, I must admit I have very little planned. I'm off to take care of my banking today then stopping at the store to buy a few items for my equinox meal--Rosemary Grilled Chicken, garden salad, broccoli with garlic and oil, some rice and beans for hubby, and homemade applesauce bread (haven't made this in years). Later, I plan a quiet evening of candles, prayer, reading of a few Autumn short stories, and honoring those that have passed over. And of course, I will say a prayer for my sister-in-law that she may find peace.
Have a good one.