Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Then followed that beautiful season... Summer....
Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape
Lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Good morning everyone.  It is so hot and humid here it can be very hard to breathe. It is oppressive. Hubby has been struggling, and it is hard to keep him down.  I understand totally.  When you've always been active and then suddenly find yourself handicapped, it's hard to let go of what was.  I've been going through that myself.  My fibro has been kicking my butt lately, and compound that with osteoarthritis and I've a double whammy.  I used to keep it all under control with Motrin, but that's before I knew my blood pressure was high and NSAIDS raise it even higher. And I will NOT take Lyrica. Heard too much about the side effects.  So now, aside of an occasional Aleve when I have something that will require more time walking about, I take nothing.  But, I really have hope that things will get better for me once I get my life/health back in order.  

Number one on my list is lose weight, but I haven't been able to take off so much as an ounce.  Why does it have to be so hard when one grows older? There was a time when I was seeing a doctor because I was TOO thin.  A size 5 used to fall off of me.  Those days are long gone.  Now I couldn't get a size 5 over one leg.  But, I only have myself to blame.  I've always loved food, and aging gave me an excuse to eat whatever.  I just didn't care what I looked like...then.  I wasn't thinking about what I was doing to my health.

Speaking of getting my life/health  in  order, I went to my first Qigong class yesterday.  Everyone was pretty much ahead of me, but I already knew that was going to happen.  My only concern is this:  Qigong relies heavily on breathing as well as movement.  I have problems with anything that requires breathing concentration.  I suffered with hyperventilation in my 20's.  It was so bad that I would make people pull the car over, and I would have to get out.  By then my lips would be tingling, and I was so sure I was going to pass out. Didn't believe the doctors who told me to 'breathe into a paper bag' next time that happened.  I look back on it now, and they didn't have much of a bedside manner.  It really would have helped, and perhaps saved me a lot of fear and agony, if one of them had just sat me down and explained it to me.  It wasn't until I read a book on psychosomatics and saw myself in their illustration that I was able to understand that the problem had nothing to do with my heart.

My dad had his first heart attack at 30 years old, right at the kitchen table.  I was about 8 years old, but I guess maybe this must have stuck with me in my subconscious because when I was in my early 20's I became obsessed with my heart.  

Fortunately, I've had many years fairly free of these psychosomatic symptoms and as I look back, I realize that my only episodes within this 40 year period have occurred when I focused on my breathing for one reason or another.  I really have to find my way around this if I hope to succeed in Qigong.

I'm not going to the Center today, either.  Have a doctor's appointment this morning.  He wants updated bloodwork on me.  On the way home I'll stop at the beauty parlor and have a trim.  It's been over three months now, and it no longer holds its shape.  I know when I have to use spray for styling it is time. Hubby says it is short enough so I've put it off as long as I could, but, heck, it's my hair.  Do I say something when he has his hair shaved close to his head?  

Well, guess it is about that time.  Sorry for bending your ear, and sure do hope I didn't sound like I was whining.  I actually wasn't.  Today and everyday I do my best to stay positive.


  1. Aging is so humiliating sometimes, isn't it? :) Hang in there. I laughed about your hubby commenting on your hair. A friend of mine used to say "It's my head. I'll do what I want."

  2. Get yourself pampered at the hair salon! It feels good!