Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear.
I'd been fully prepared to post when I got home from the doctors yesterday, but needed some time to process the news that I had just been told. Actually, processing consisted of crying my eyes out and going to bed. I usually go in hoping for the best yet preparing for the worst. This time I was so sure it was going to be nothing but good news so I was totally unprepared for what the doctor had to say. There is good news and bad news. The good news is that my blood pressure has dropped some (144), and I stopped at my doctor's office and had my medication changed. Hopefully that gosh awful tickle will go away. The bad news is that there is a second nodule on my lung. It is actually quite small and the doctor feels it may have been there and hidden by my heart. My next step is a biopsy. The good news is that if, and the doctor stressed if, it should prove cancerous the nodules are so small they will be able to remove them with no chemo necessary. That's the second biopsy I need. And, I really am afraid, but whatever happens, will happen, and I will have to learn to deal with it. I have faced the "Dark Night of the Soul Before", and I have survived.
If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.”
Anthon St. Maarten
It's funny. I've always been the strong one..or always thought I had to be. I had to be there for everyone else, and now I don't know how to act. How do I stop putting up that front and admit that I am not as rock solid as the image I project? Hubby's been great and supportive, but I've yet to tell my sons. They lost both their dad and grandmother to cancer. Just the word is enough to send them into a tailspin. I wouldn't want that unless I knew for sure. Enough of this morbid talk. Heck the weekend's here. It's happy time.
Needless to say, we've some bad weather heading our way this weekend, so I am seeing some much-needed down time headed my way. I'd been planning on getting out and doing a few chores, but really, none of them are necessary...and, besides, right now I have no money to spend. It's always been too easy for me to drown my sorrows with shopping, so a cold, rainy weekend is really a blessing in disguise.
Gosh, is it that time already? Need to stop rambling and shower and dress and get my butt out of this door. Talk to you all on Monday.
Wishing you all the best for the upcoming weekend. May you find nothing but joy and peace on your doorstep. Love you all.